#MastersSnooker has finished much later than expected, and I'm watching in bed and can barely keep my eyes open so no more #totp for me tonight. Pretend I said something devastatingly funny about Dire Straits or Mr Mister, and assume at some point I called Mike Read creepy.

If you're hankering for some #totp action rather than watching coloured balls, then maybe this will sate your appetite for a while. It's rather joyous.

You sit on a throne of lies, TV guide #totp #MastersSnooker

Jessie's reaction to learning Stephen is a Traitor on #Uncloaked - and the realisation that she was right all along - was absolutely beautiful 😂 From anyone else you'd say that was OTT hammy overacting, but she looked 100% genuine. Brilliant. #TheTraitors

I can't help but feel that the deeply personal stories being shared could influence the decisions in the turret and at the round table. Could you murder Jade, for example, after hearing her back story? #TheTraitors

Jack in the box, literally #TheTraitors

Matt is so needy and desperate it's actually quite sad to witness #TheTraitors

Right then #TOTP peeps, I'm off to warm the valves up on the big telly to watch #TheTraitors - see you on the other side of the snooker.

Blondie like you've never experienced her before, if you jump to about 1m14s into this AMAZING compilation #TOTP

Nipped out of the room while Tatiana Ali was on. Have we all done the "when you order Shola Ama from Temu" joke? #TOTP

I swear that high note just make Kyren miss the pink. #TOTP

Listening to this dire version of a song that was itself a dire version of his 5th Symphony, I'm jealous of Beethoven's deafness #TOTP

Well Heather, Heather Small, what have you done today to make you feel proud? #TOTP (For me, it's taking the washing machine apart to clean part of the detergent drawer that I couldn't reach)

Better than other people's, I suppose #TOTP

I have questions, but I'm terrified of the answers. #TOTP

Strap in, gang #TOTP

Getting my money's worth out of the BBC this evening... #TOTP #MastersSnooker

As this is the BBC, I'd like to add for the sake of balance that Megabus are also vaguely acceptable. #TOTP

Not so sure about this version with it's Goodmen "Give It Up" inspired drumbeat, but Good Life (and Big Fun) are two astoundingly good tracks from Kevin Saunderson. #TOTP

Remember: subtitles on. Thank me in about 15 minutes, #TOTP peeps, when Leilani appears with lyrics that make "Life" by Des'ree seem like deep and meaningful philosophy.

If you'd like a (fairly easy) challenge while you wait for #TOTP, here's a #Pointless board from earlier in the week.

John XIII is probably my favourite, closely followed by Gregory XVI and Innocent XI. Apologies if you followed me based on a #TOTP starter pack - there may have been a misunderstanding...

Finally, a #Pointless final round I can totally get behind. I lived in Bristol in 1996 just as the city started punching way above its weight in quality music. Any suggestions, #TOTP gang?

There's a track on the first of tonight's #TOTP that's so obscure that the BBC can't even find its cover art. I couldn't remember it either, so I've just looked it up. Trust me, you're going to want the subtitles on to fully appreciate the lyrics. Staggering. www.youtube.com/watch?v=xqXl...

Someone please confirm that it's Friday, and not a cruel practical joke where someone's messed with my calendar and it's really only Thursday? One more burst of work and then back to being snarky about boy bands and moaning about snooker #totp

I don't laugh out loud very often, but Stephen's massively camp reaction to the hand appearing out of the grave, followed by the juxtaposition of his extremely polite and sincere thanking Claudia, just got me giggling like Ron Swanson on snake juice. #TheTraitors

Whoever did set design for that cabin: give them a pay rise. Now. #TheTraitors

Seriously: enough now. I'm getting to the point where I'm contemplating building an ark.

What the hell is that facial expression - where's Jenrick's other hand? 😟

At least it's not going to finish 6 - 2 #snooker #MastersSnooker

there’s always a tweet

Got home from work to be told that my son has managed to lose an entire rucksack of school equipment and books, plus a whole PE kit including reasonably expensive trainers. Fanflippingtastic.

Iranian airspace closed and eerily deserted. I've got a bad feeling about this.

It's gonna end up 6 - 2 **AGAIN**, isn't it? 😂 #snooker #MastersSnooker

I'm posting this screenshot in the context of what I've just seen on #TheTraitors but I've got an uneasy feeling it'll come in quite handy over the next few months.

It's a win win for #TheTraitors - they've got a 1 on 3 chance of murdering a Faithful, but even if they get it wrong then everyone will just assume there's been a recruitment. I'm now 100% Team Traitor, really rooting for both Rachel and Stephen.

All of Harriet's "evidence" against Rachel is purely circumstantial. She's sacrificing herself, and maybe it'll lead to Rachel going next, but it's a terrible bit of gameplay #TheTraitors

That's the first time I've actually liked James: stealing a shield in plain sight then doing a subtle wink to camera 😂 #TheTraitors

Thank goodness the cherub statues aren't creepy or anything 🤔 #TheTraitors

Harriet over playing her hand? Seems poor tactics to antagonise everyone at breakfast, and to go so hard so early. #TheTraitors

Cheers 🍻 It's been that kind of day, so here's to getting halfway through the week 😁

I'm not overly keen on taking advice from the US government right now, but I'm always willing to make an exception 🥩

Janet Street-Porter gets a lot of ridicule nowadays but it's important to recall just what an astounding pioneer of "yoof" telly she was back in the day. The "Network 7" strand for Channel 4, followed by DEF II for the BBC; plus she commissioned and imported some great programmes.

Incredibly, all seven matches so far in the #MastersSnooker have ended 6 - 2. Anyone fancy a few quid on Neil Robertson vs Chris Wakelin ending up the same way this evening?! Gonna have to temporarily tear myself away for #TheTraitors, mind.

Here's a Pointless board for all the #TOTP mob - and no, you can't just put rude words in everywhere!

"Hello? Yes, Ronnie. I want the president of St George's Island to extend an invitation to Britain to send an airborne battalion on a goodwill visit. No, just a friendly gesture. Goodwill. Yes, at once, please. Thank you."

Dear Points of View, Why oh why oh why etc... I can't concentrate on that many screens 😂 #TheTraitors #MastersSnooker

Shall we all chip in a fiver an buy Greenland, just to see the look on his face?

The Beautiful Mouth