The way I just bolted out my back door and threw myself into a lawn chair

Eddie Rollers (I bought a few things but Eddie Paintbrush doesn't sound as good)

I hate this. I hate that I am debating whether or not i should be biking my kid to daycare. Is the air bad enough that I should load him into the car instead. What's the safe exposure to the outside world today? Everyone who voted Doug Ford in, and back in, go fuck yourself

What an extremely good day to have newly installed air conditioning

I am in the process of having a heat pump installed. Until that's done I'll just be here lying under a ceiling fan and moving as little as possible.

Sometimes it takes so little to keep a toddler entertained for a very long time. (Other times nothing works and everything is terrible but this is a good day)

The constant bullshit of FedEx. I have had a parcel sitting on a truck somewhere in the city for 3 days. Delivery was by end of day Tuesday, then between 11-3 Wednesday, then end of day Wed, and now by 3pm today. I just want blinds! My bedroom is So Hot.

Lolol it was an unrelated person standing in the street. He was just calling in advance of the appointment. So he was a little late, not completely inept 😅

Why does nobody understand how a door works anymore? I had an in-home appointment scheduled. I accidentally left my phone in the basement for a while. The guy showed up, called a couple times and stood in the street for a few minutes and then left. Knock! On! The! Door!

At the playground and most of the kids are doing the expected thing and climbing the ladder and going down the slide. My child? Climbing the ladder, then going down the stairs so he can climb again.

Toddler life. Everyone in the house has been in agreement that we want to go to the playground, for an hour and a half now. There have been no significant obstacles preventing us from going to the playground. Do I think we'll get to the playground in the next half hour? Unlikely.

Look at this definitely full and complete map of Ontario that came in a newspaper supplement this weekend. There's no more province up there, right?

Windy day, old window screens, and a freshly graded and top-soiled hill outside my house has had the very gross consequence of coating every surface in my house that is within a couple feet of a window with dirt. Everything is filthy but we need the breeze so badly.

Delightful discovery of the day - I have at least 3 mulberry trees! And they are white mulberries, so I don't have to contend with my entire yard turning purple every year!

Constantly being thwarted in my attempts to accomplish shit by losing things I had just a minute ago, or that I'm sure I bought and now don't exist.

I bought the toddler a Cherry Pick magnetic chalk wall for his room. It has an adhesive backing that claims to be super strong and permanent. It keeps falling off the wall. Customer service said "whoops, maybe your paint is wrong" and gave me some really unhelpful 'hacks'.

Home ownership does shit to you. I am crying because of how pretty my countertops are.

I should have just stayed in this apartment for the rest of my life. Moving is the worst.

The late dawning realization that deciding not to bring something to the new house does not actually mean that I'm done with it. I cannot just abandon half full cupboards.

How am I supposed to pack when I keep finding things like an entire box full of tiny baby shoes? I have to look at them and have feelings and it's really slowing me down.

My toddler has started insisting on taking a book to bed with him every night. He mostly just cuddles them. Tonight he is using it as a blanket.

You know the baseball game was boring when the MLB condensed game video is 12 minutes and still has time to talk about cancer survivors and custom shoes.

I have baby raccoons! Number unknown but they are curled up inside a big tree at the back of my yard. I had a chat with the mom yesterday when she popped out to watch me in the yard and then spotted this dude having a snooze. They are extremely cute but I am nervous about chaos and poop. 😬

Luckily baby's day brunch also has bottomless mimosas

I get kitchen cabinets delivered tomorrow. So of course I spent the afternoon working on trim in the bedrooms. Very important stuff that definitely needed to happen today

40 minutes later, this aged poorly. 😅

Vladdy is such a diva. Strikeout he didn't like and he just tosses all his gear piece by piece all over the ground for the bat boy and walks off to first and waits for someone to bring his hat.

TIL ClassPass doesn't require studios to honour reservations! You can join a class, spend the credits, show up, and be told that it's a special event and actually, you have to pay for it. I was told I shouldn't have been able to reserve it and they wouldn't honour it, so sorry.

Moderation? What's that? Blue Jays know no such thing.

The panic when you are out of every breakfast food and the toddler wakes up screaming, "I wanna eat!" hours before the coffee shop opens. Breakfast was ancient fruitcake from the freezer because it was muffin shaped 😅

I hate this stupid sport

My brother's new girlfriend can bench press him, and I love that for him.

The Blue Jays knew it's a big deal birthday for me today

Closing pitchers are the worst and I hate them alllll

Here's my controversial parenting opinion of the day - if your kid is old enough to pull faces and complain about going into the bathroom that does not match their gender, they are probably old enough to go to the bathroom without parental supervision

“You’re not supposed to use your phone while driving.” “Got it. Let’s install large tablet touchscreens in almost every single new car.”

In a move that feels both petty and entirely reasonable, I am taking the pretty wood trim out of my toddler's bedroom so I can install it in mine. He just wouldn't appreciate it properly!

"even the worst team in baseball will win at least 50-60 games" I keep telling myself, as the Blue Jays embarrass themselves in front of the worst team in baseball.

Why do I like baseball again? Baseball is the worst.

KIRK!!! Although I dispute the commentator's claim that the home run could not have come at a better time. Any time when we had runners on base would have been a better time.

What an ending! Baseball will never make me sad

FOUR STRIKEOUT INNING!!

Dramatic start to this game - someone sitting 2 rows in front of me got hit by a phone falling off an upper level

How early do we think one needs to show up at the Jays game on Saturday to get one of those hats? Asking for Me, who is going to 2 games this weekend!

As the dawn of a new baseball season is upon us, let me remind you: Fuck The Dodgers Fuck The Yankees Go Jays. Thank you, carry on.

I have never felt more like a middle aged mom. I bought high waisted wide leg jean shorts and I just tried them on. "Oh these are so comfy and practical! I should have bought a couple pairs."

I fucking CACKLED

My toddler is insisting he wants to paint his bedroom in the new house black. Whose idea was it to let kids make decisions? 😅

Why is my toddler screaming? I won't let him clean the underwear he pooped in.

Holy shit I just bought a house