Witnessed a proposal last night out in the wild on a bachelorette trip. Then the brides to be both did a shot together 🥹

No videos on Bluesky??? So you don’t get to see her sparkle, but here she is, ready to go back to the momma to be as special keepsake🤩🤩🤩 (This is NOT mine)

Smoking a J and crying to Lana Del Rey songs on this fine Saturday morning

I’ve bedazzled a lot of things in my years, but today I’m getting my first pregnancy test commission! ✨

If you talk about The Human Centipede enough, someone will finally take the bait and ask you to watch it with them.

I watched a weird Norwegian horror movie “Good Boy” last night and now it’s got me in the mood for a Human Centipede marathon.

Think I’ve got my honey on board for another cat, a kitten possibly…he’s still unsure, but I think if I get him into a cat cafe it’ll be game over for any of his doubts.

Don’t take skyrizzi if you’re allergic to skiyrizzi

I guess that’s why they call it window pain 😔

I’m pissed, why is Chloe Cherry not showing on search results on IMDb???? She has a profile, but you can’t search it…because she’s a porn star???

Horrified to learn that a VP of my company follows me on IG and made a point to tell me they see/enjoy my posts 💀 I will be utilizing the close friends features more and more

I held it together just long enough to get back to my group before I burst into tears. The birthday girl got protective quick, you don’t mess with besties. She got managers involved and pulled out one of my hearing aids to prove to the manager I wasn’t lying..like his staff was 😂 (she was drunk)

I’m not openly sensitive about my hearing disability…however being openly mocked yesterday by TWO bartenders when I didn’t hear them and explained I couldn’t hear them really upset me. My friend complained to management and they tried to remediate the situation, but just for yalls education…

I just found a company that makes cool swimwear and their sizing goes up to 6XL 😍 is this going to be the year I don’t flash my neighbors at the pool???

My boos hairdresser is a certified plant killer and sends him home with a new plant to revive every other month. It’s a toxic cycle at this point 😂

Doing my part to save humanity from terrible movies…I hate that this has my duty but DO NOT watch Mother Mary, it was so boring I couldn’t keep my eyes open and nearly walked out of the theater. After the film was over the entire theater (all 8 of us) collectively asked each other “what the fuck…”

Bestie just sent me a video of her toddler dancing and signing along to Lana Del Rey (bestie is not a fan but also not a hater) I am so proud of my niece for having good taste 🩷🩷🩷

I think my cat actually knows what day of the week it is because he follows my routine so closely

I told my coworkers I was going to an ICP show this year…I’d don’t know who was more shocked..them or me (I was not fully expecting them to know much about ICP)

Tax season is kicking my ass (I work in finance and people are especially stupid this week) Dido’s White Flag has become my anthem today

My boss is too chicken to watch Donnie Darko so over the years I have been exposing the story line to her through YouTube clips. She got the You’re the fucking Anti Christ scene today 💀

Here to announce I am officially back on my bullshit (AKA : rewatching Bojack Horseman)

The concert line up I have this year is honestly insane and I am probably not even done as more shows are announced.

My coworker told me my popsocket looked like a butt plug, in a good way though.

Love that I was the only person carded at my work happy hour tonight 😌

I purchased one (1) singular 5oz bag of Haribo peach flavored frog gummies…guess how many got delivered 🐸

I cannot figure out why I get so many fertility ads, as if I wouldn’t immediately abort anything that decided to try to grow in my uteri (plural)

Told a VP at my company that Ashnikko was defo appropriate music for his 13yo daughter…and I think he took my advice after googling her 💀

Me crying today? No way! My eyes look like this bc of the high pollen count

Happy 10th birthday to my tiniest cutest lil guy, Muenster. His day has been filled with treats, snuggle, cat nip, new toys, and all the birthday wishes from his fans.

I saw Ready or Not 2 yesterday and not only was it just as fun and gory as the first one, the screening I went to had SUBTITLES!!!!! I’ve never seen a movie in theaters with subtitles and it was honestly soooo fucking niiiice!!!

What if on Friday I had never found out that Disney owned Bubble Boy and Undertone was actual a good movie. Where is that alternative timeline!? I bet there no war there either.

When you choose the movie and everyone hates it

The employees at my Lamar’s are always top tier…they ran out of my favorite blueberry donut so I got apple instead…but when I opened the box they gave 2 apples (I only asked/paid for 1)

As if this day couldn’t get worse I just found out Disney owns Bubble Boy 😭

I thought my broken tailbone was getting better…turns out I just haven’t really left my house/ my donut cushion for more than a few hours in several weeks. Fucked around and found out yesterday that my tail bone is in fact still very injured and sitting/moving is rough today.

Texted my hair girl while she just happened to be at the supply store, I think the universe knew I needed my roots and pink touched up.

Breakfast of Champions

Facts

Other honorable mentions Jolene I Shot The Sheriff (okayyy I see you 👀 ) Give It Away (again does he know what these songs are about??)

The CEO of my company sent out his “good vibes” playlist…first song Shiny Happy People followed by Take Me to Church…is this man alright???

My foundation and sub pump are fixed, my money is gone, and my cat didn’t run away (id be posting from my grave if I ever lost him)

English is my new hires third language, they have been leaning so much about the language and American Pop culture from me on top of his actual job 👹 Yesterday we covered what PBJs were and what a forbidden fruit is (from a meme stand point).

Warning the workers at my house today that my storm door needs to be pulled shut otherwise my cat can get out…he reassured me he could chase my cat if need be…I was like yeah no don’t do that, just make sure the door is closed.

Said I was going to KMS if Jake Gylly made one more Cop movie and IG flagged me as a danger to myself…which one of my CLOSE friends reported meeeee 💀 bc once in done offing myself im gonna haunt them

I wake up with rage everyday

Never in my life have I been influenced to buy a celebrity perfume…I might not be able say that again after today, because i just say that Sabrina Carpenter has a lemon pie scented perfume…gonna need to get my sniffer on this asap 👀

It’s my duty as an aunty to push my nieces Girl Scout cookie sales, if yall are looking for a cookie dealer (REAL COOKIES) let me know, I gotchu!!!

@edropay.bsky.social reminded me that Matthew Lillard has a tongue 👅

The internet is my favorite…my favorite stripper and my favorite nun both posted banger reels today 😂