Every night before I go to sleep, at some point I picture myself hitting a home run, and not on purpose as some positive mindset task. Just me swinging a bat. Getting a dinger. Occasionally it's someone's head instead of a ball.

Theres not enough movies with long names. I won't stand for it.

The bad news is (gestures at everything) The good news is i just noticed that the entire Walk Hard movie has been on youtube for 2 years. www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z5iN...

Pretty much every comedian in the background of the Marc Maron documentary did the Saudi show, it's weird

A fun game to do is to look up what movies came out from 1998-2000 and guess if there is ska in the trailer

Ariel has crabs

Im happy to report i can still picture this in his voice and laugh, I was worried I was gonna have to kms

🎵 Just wanna close my eyes/ Just wanna fall asleep/ Cause I hate this shit/ And I dont wanna do a thing 🎵

I had this Rolling Stone issue with Glee on the cover and seeing this photo again made me snort pumpkin spice latte (yeah i know) out my nose

Im not advocating a specific act but if you are carving a message into your specific act projectiles, Quiet Piggy would be funny

There's nothing in le rulebook that says Tobby can't hon hon hon

You're mentioning someone that was extremely controversial. A lot of people didn't like that gentleman that you're talking about. Whether you like him or didn't like him, things happen.

Do The Darkness have to go full Steel Panther to let some people know they are in on the joke

maybe this is just evidence of being mentally unhealthy but between AI, NFTs, and there being too much content generally even without those, my sense of the value of art has plummeted and it's become more difficult to enjoy most things. i have various theories...

"You ever suck dick for Diet Coke?"

I dont see any skeets saying Freakier Friday is a piece of shit so I guess thats my job 1.5 hamburgers out of 5

When The Creature tells Victor Frankenstein "I will make you humble"

Predator Badlands has no balls and I feel like maybe it should have i dunno

If you cant see the Northern Lights its okay, just send your friends Windows Vista desktop backgrounds theyre just as good

I think we can trace the death of hanging out in person to the fall of the Guitar Hero and Rock Band franchises

On behalf of The Itty Bitty Titty Committee, we call for Chuck Schumer to resign

Checking in on the Senate Dems

Boioioioioioing

I think its clear by now that ChatGPT is gonna shoot up a school

I thought maybe Id watch a Lil bit of basketball but then the designer of the NBA courts said "No you will not"

What are Predator families like I imagine they all have The Gatherer tradwives

The 30 second Sydney Sweeney boxing movie trailer played in between a compilation of recent SNL sketches and I thought it was one of the sketches

Only people with a very high IQ will get this one

When you angrily respond to a Disney Prime post then need to cover for it before your followers notice, Part 567

It took sone legwork to confirm but the MrBeast Mamdani screenshot is a fake. Basically, an imposter account got itself verified somehow and then did a small photoshop of a screengrab to look more legit.

Like half the people at my Bugonia screening walked out in the final 15 minutes

The only thing that doesnt work in The Chair Company is the prepostrous idea that any version of Tim Robinson could ever pull Lake Bell

Obviously I wanna see Mamdani win and hes running an excellent campaign but I need to remind you to stop simping for politicians. Never do it. Ever. Ever.

I found a folder of some comedy podcasts from the early 2010s. We have to go back. You dont understand. They were all on each other's shows doing actual bits and playing fun clever games games and like only 15% of them had allegations instead of 51%.

Even if the new album was good I hope we all agree if you buy a Taylor Swift record from Costco you are a huge tool

So I bought this at a thrift shop yesterday cuz Nov 1 is All Saints Day (haha so funny right) anyways for some reason they recorded a sexy version of Under the Bridge. You know, that sexy Red Hot Chili Peppers song about shooting heroin

Feel like I should finally watch the Bad News Bears even though I sense all of the children will repeatedly be called slurs

That crying ginger kid? That was me. I did that.

The only use of AI I've seen that I would call art is this one guy who posts entire Office episodes but during the talking head interviews everyone is getting a non stop cum facial

hey did you guys know that i am personally responsible for every good and bad thing that happens at a baseball game. ya turns out it was me this whole time.

Libs will always reach across the aisle even when the other hand is dragging them into hell

This is too much baseball can this just count as the rest of the games

I know who Brendan Little is so I am adjusting my vibes appropriately.

it's a rule that when you're hot nobody tells you when you're not funny and you know what i don't think i would change the rule

If baseball is gonna have a halftime type show i am okay with it if its only county fair loser stink bands, like hell yeah Spin Doctors halftime show that seems about right for baseball

If that game wasnt bad enough I went to get a smoked meat sammich and instead of my side pickle I got an accidental nazi tattoo

This is meant to be Meryl Streep and nobody can convince me otherwise

Blue Jays win every single time I have Collision Doritos and guess what im a superstitious petson now

(Drunk off one beer yelling at screen) STOP ATTACKING ANGEL GROVE THATS WHERE THE ZORDS ARE ATTACK LITERALLY ANYWHERE ELSE ON EARTH BUILD AN ARMY AND WORK UP TO ANGEL GROVE

how is the Platner thing still even a debate. you just forfeit the anti-nazi argument at the most important time to make the the anti-nazi argument. in canada they would just post trudeau blackface pics to diffuse anything racist the right wing did, you're just asking for that. he's done.