Meanwhile, at a beach overlooked by Mar-a-Lago...

Nailed it. Now tRump knows the U.K. will do fk all if he were to invade Greenland.

Merry Christmas — may your day be as drama‑free as your muted words list.

Morning.

Dear Science, when I suck in my tummy, where does the fat go and why doesn't it stay there?

Morning.

Please note that certain breeds of black and white dog are not allowed to be walked in the park today. It’s a national ban collie day.

Where is everyone?

From now on, I identify as a rubber band because I’m also trying to hold everything together, I’m constantly being stretched to my limit and it’s not uncommon for me to snap and completely fall apart.

Why is it that when I ask for a *black* coffee, I'm asked if I want milk with that?

Morning folks.

Not to brag, but I just walked into a room and remembered what I went in there for.

Jahrelang wurde Kindern beigebracht, für schönes Wetter alles aufzuessen. Und was haben wir jetzt? Dicke Kinder und Hitzewelle!

What wine goes with a fish finger sandwich?

Not been on here for ages. What have I missed?

Why's the transport secretary advertising for Halfords, and why are the BBC showing it?

What font is alphabet soup in? Times New Ramen.

My beautiful boyfriend told me to stop imagining things. I haven't seen him since.

Who tells the best egg jokes? Comedy-hens.

Retirement means twice as much husband on half as much money.

I lost my mood ring and I don't know how I feel about it!

Morning folks.

After his 8th failed rocket attempt, I think it's safe to say that Elon Musk has projectile dysfunction

The Swiss must have been pretty confident in their chances of victory, if they included a corkscrew on their army knife.

Bit of an #AlgorithmFail from Amazon.

Goooooooooood morning!

I wrote a book on Whales. With hindsight, I realised that paper would have been easier.

Goooooooooood evening.

The first time I dreamed about someone cooking my dog in a pan was scary enough but when it happened again it was pet-refrying!

Vegans need to stop judging each other's food choices.. The last thing we want is another spinach inquisition.

How does a farmer find new cows to buy? He looks through the cattlelog.

I had a date last night. It was perfect. Tomorrow I'll try a grape.

🗽😡

So Blue sky seems to think I'm an invalid.

@rachel4742.bsky.social goooooooooood afternoon

Gotta stop finding excuses to drink. Last night I was asked to toast some bread. I poured a glass of wine and said "Here's to bread"

In the next 4 years you are going to see a collection of the dirtiest little shills working for Donald Trump and Elon Musk to push their billionaire fascism into the UK. These people are the worst of the worst, the dirtiest and most despicable traitors. Mark them all.

Moin. #moin

My neighbour just got arrested for ruining our community garden. They charged him with disturbing the peas.

JRR Tolkien liked to dress up as an Orc and go to nightclubs - It was mordor on the dance floor...

Why did the man throw the butter out the window? He wanted to see the butterfly.

Why did the man throw a bucket of water out the window? He wanted to see the waterfall.

@stardewstarlight.bsky.social There is no pizza???

Why did Santa pour Lemsip* into the chimney? He was coming down with the flue. *Please note: other cold remedies are available

Also, don't drop me DMs trying to sell me stuff. That ain't gonna work.

Don't drop me DMs asking where I'm from. If you can't do conversations where this comes up eventually, you won't ever find out.

No random DMs please.

Who am I not yet following back?

Allegedly, I'm interacting with people.