I binged but its ok im in a 1k c deficit for this week 😇

fasting at work is not for the weak. brain fog was incredible but i only slightly messed up once tehe i work in a restaurant as well so i was going crazy but ahhhhhhhhhh

Kms I had 3100c in one sitting 😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁

Can I dodge the pizza when I hang out w my friends tmrw… Hmm…

just fyi it’s haII0wēėn so cåI0r!es actually do not count today, and i grant u ALL a guilt free silly lil treat today

life update: i keep eating 💔

i keep taking pictures of my meals like they’re gonna be nice looking also apparently i love turkey why the heck are they all w turkey 💔

writing something for the first time in a while if i reread this shit and end up having to scrap it someone’s going to dye. and lets jsut saey. dat soemon is m 😋😋😋😋😋😋

kinda started crying ab having two chocolate bars yesterday but that put me up to 1000 erm scratches head

im pretty sure i eat way less than i should just regularly. i exercise and walk n shit and i get up to 1000cal on a bad day. but i still don’t lose weight KILL MEEEEE

i wish i could afford to move out sometimes. i’m scared of like 75% of the food in my household and i end up binging somehow??? T.T

lowk i saw someone and decided i need to stop eating like forever

my parents want me to start eating together w them every dinner time :((( as like a family thing but ffhdhdgggss how dare u do this to meee

i just feel disappointed i can’t lose weight as much and as fast as i used to. it feels like i’m constantly hitting roadblocks. i keep seeing im back at 69kg and lowk wanna kill myswlf 😂😂😂

i need to start working out again. hopefully increasing calories burned and muscle mass will help me actually lose weight ._. wouldn’t hurt to have muscle definition too i suppose

i hate myself i just keep eating and eating only bc i WANT TO not bc i actually need to eugh

why do i suffer from every disorder ever not genuinely, obviously, but if i wasn’t constantly struggling i’d find it funny just how many issues i have-

there were so many sweets in the house and i couldn’t lock myself in my room so i ended up eating a lot i hate myself aaahhggghh

got paranoid rephrasing idk why i feel the need to tell someone so i’m saying this into the edb/sky void but i think it’s ironic i find chu/bbier people more attractive yet i have an e/d which is at least 50% caused due to my own internalized fatph/obia

i hope my beat friend is generally uneducated on e/d s bc i told her i’d fasted for nearly 51hrs before going out to eat w her. i think i’m too fat for anyone to be concerned but hhfdgggdbbd i feel nervous impulsively telling her 🥲🥲

i’m not fasting for that long only to break it with a huge meal i feel absolutely terrible i think i need to stop eating forever eww

i lost .4lbs after not eating for an entire day and drinking under 100cals this fasting shit is a sc/am i swear (i’m still gonna fast) (it’s probably just waterweight or maybe my metabolism is really actually that fucked idk idk)

hehe one more hour then i can finally eat 😋 gonna have to walk a bunch to get to the restaurant im meeting my friend at though uuugghhhhhfffg

im going insane, doing a liquid fast and i had 75 cals instead of the 45 i planned and it’s not a big deal at all but aaahhh

i’m 66.5kg rn and i’m so happy omg i know im still fat asf but i’ve been so upset for being 69kg this feels significantly better LMAOO

last meal until thursday hehe, i’m gonna try a 50hrs fast now just gotta lock in, i keep eating under maintenance yet i’m maintaining T_T probably slow metabolism and water weight but i hate it still aaaaa

increasing my intake tomorrow so i can get through work THEN fast for an entire day after. im fastingpilled rn (and definitely not just ⭐️ving myself nooo)

gonna try making some curry in a few days, i loove curry and i havent had it in so long :((

i think i’m gonna try fasting for 40-48hrs depending on if i don’t have work tomorrow. i hope fasting for so long will make me feel slightly better about going out to eat ;_;

accidentally ate a lot but it’s around maintenance so it’s ok. i’ll just fast whenever i don’t have work i guess. tehe

i don’t wanna eat today. i know it’s unavoidable tomorrow and that’s stressing me out. i might just look suspicious today and get back to “normal” tomorrow or something bc i’m not sure if i can stomach eating anything T_T;

fuck i need to sleep BUT i got to 25hrs/ 37-38hrs on my fast we ball

burger omad tomorrow, shld be abt 600cals :3

do you think the grocery store delivery guy will notice that i only buy monster and protein bars or does he not gaf

convincing myself all food besides like a couple veggies are inedible so i don’t eat today i keep eating ew ew ewww i need to stop NOW

i keep rambling idk im bored anyways i think its gotten worse but i had a stutter as a kid, and now it’s come back for some reason? i can’t talk to people anymore irl bc i sound like a bumbling fucking idiot i hate this stupid body being skinni would fix this tho (me when i lie)

i forgot how intense the feeling of “needing” to binge is. i always think i’m over exaggerating, but when i get hit with it, it’s horrifying. i don’t even have severe bed which makes it all the worse i can deal with hunger easily, but a bed episode is so different. or am i just insane and fat????

hate my intrusive thoughts, my mental health has been ass since i’ve been sick but fuck it we ball

oh god i just ate so much someone put me down like a sick dog before i eat anymore

god i hope i can lose weight this month, if i ruin it by eating out twice i think i might have to kay em ess

i wonder if some people realize being que/er doesn’t excuse u from being big\oted >,>

im not skinny enough I need to starve ⬇️ fuck this ed, binges ⬇️ why tf would I do that, I need to stop ⬇️ actually im faking my ed, I nvr had one ⬇️ im a terrible person and im fat! ⬇️ no more food, i must starve! ⬇️ fuck this, binges 🔄🔄🔄🔄🔄

increased my intake by 200 bc i have a long shift today but oh my god i feel so gross aaaaa T.T

i wanna dy/e my ha/ir black but i’ve always been too nervous to. I do NOT believe in semi-permanent dy/e unless its a bright colour lool when i have enough saved, i’m gonna get some black and red ha/ir d/ye, and d/ye my ha/ir black and make some red and black exte/nsions… i think that’d be fun…

i only ate abt 400 today and survived it huzzah. and it makes me feel better that i’ll be under “budget” again lol i might’ve even burnt off a good chunk of that at work bc i run around all day 😭

gahhh ate over maintenance today. gonna try to stay around 400 for the rest of the week and hope i just naturally burn it off bc eugh

i was running on less than 300cals at work today, do not recommend, don’t do that i was gonna have a full lunch but i was so excited for tomorrow i ate LESS THAN HALF OF MY BEAUTIFULLY MEASURED LUNCH and got a stomach ache WHYYYY

i only ate half of my lunch and a protein bar but im running on the extra food i had yesterday and pure excitement. i haven’t seen my cousin in forever and he’s coming over tomorrow to celebrate a birthday yaay :D

i never understood sharing trig/gers to strangers. i’m just paranoid, but more power to you if it helps. very few people know my trig/gers and i would never let anyone have that information to misuse it. Plus, they’re weird, so i’d definitely get the fake argument. pt\sd for almost a decade >_>

hehe apparently my scale is coming tomorrow rubs hands together evil-ly