Throughout history, humanity has dreamed of getting the group chat to switch platforms. To this day, no one has ever done it, but we honor the heroes who have fallen in the attempt nonetheless.

If you like Griffin Canning, you should try Pickled Sphinx.

What... what is going on here? These must be the least walkable apartments in the entire state of New Jersey.

Chiefs betting it all on "Mahomes will keep the offense respectable," in a year that Mahomes may not be at full strength. Bold stuff.

I was attending Catholic high school during the run-up to Iraq. I've heard more specious Just War Theory arguments than JD Vance can dream of, I don't need to hear any more.

Another optimistic dead end in Chapel Hill.

Cubs just scored the shallowest sac fly I've ever seen.

I'm still calling it Iranfrastructure Week because it didn't happen.

It's Good Friday, so I'm thinking about the messy quasi-Gnostic theology implied by Roy Harper's "Don't You Grieve", a song written from the perspective of Judas Iscariot. www.youtube.com/watch?v=mVdp...

You call it threatening to commit war crimes against civilian targets such as the power grid. I call it Iranfrastructure Week.

My best and final offer is I will continue to not know who Hasan Piker is.

Sometimes I can't tell if NYT's house style is meant to be devastatingly dry, or if it's simply decontextualized to the point of causing brain damage.

Purdue might as well be a Soviet janitor because they can't buy a bucket.

Fletcher Loyer failed nominative determinism *twice* by becoming a basketball player.

I love Bluesky, the website where I can follow all my favorite writers and also find out which of my favorite writers have personality disorders.

Duke's new strategy of giving the ball to St John's every possession is not paying dividends so far.

There's a specific tone of cheer when a guy and his bros realize a complicated low-stakes scheme is going to work. It's the sound of dudes rocking and it's the most beautiful sound in the world.

Challenging my attention span by trying to watch an entire possession in Iowa-Clemson.

Cheers to the inspiration behind one of my all-time favorite fantasy team names, "Every Week Like It's Chark Week."

Boy, I just don't think any of this is a good idea. I mean, take your pick.

Maybe it was that AI George Washington that Glenn Beck has been pushing.

This one comes to mind lately: Of the several things that you have to do today You're gonna regret one This generation asks for a sign It isn't gonna get one - The Mountain Goats, "Sign of the Crow 2"

Wilyer Abreu gave that one a ride, God damn. #WBC

I don't think there should be two Axis powers that can defeat us at baseball. Doesn't seem right.

Watching Czechs and Australians play baseball in Japan, just as God intended.

Everything is a distraction from everything else.

among my favorite French Revolution details: the King's cousin, the Duke of Orleans, was so shook by the events of the revolution that he not only voted to execute his cousin but legally changed his name to Equality Phil.

I'm going to go jump off a normal hill. I'm going to fling myself down a regular mountain. I'll plummet from a completely typical escarpment. Just a very standard day, all things considered.

Somehow "Bachelor Chow" is the less disturbing name for this concept.

omg everybody go draw a horse this is what the internet was made for gradient.horse

What is this, the Super Bowl of punting?

No Hell hot enough.

Drunk Bears Fan Grating Ram

Can Aaron Rodgers retire while he's chasing the NFL's all-time most head coaches defeated record?

In the year 2026, I would like to see technology advance beyond "resealable" bags where there's actually just a little piece of tape there.

There's still time for Aaron Rodgers to complete the full Favre and retire as a Viking.

Eagles are going to win this thing like 22-20 and hate every minute of it. It's an incredible bit.

Before this Bears game I joked that they should build the whole offense out of fourth quarters, and instead they moved the entire game into the fourth quarter. Incredible.

BEAR DOWN

I don't think I've ever seen this particular mishap befall a running back before.

Here in real time Caleb Williams needs only 109 yards to overtake Erik Kramer's single-season Bears passing record. We can make a caveat for the longer season, but history tells us that keeping a QB upright for a full year (knock on wood) is an achievement in itself for this team.

I bet the guy who invented shaving looked like shit for a long time.

We beveled a can of Bush's Beans as requested.

It's weird that it's been two full years since the last 28-24 game. 28-24 feels like a score that happens once a week.

Justin Herbert has one working hand and has scrambled 73 times tonight.

My new favorite Mike Ditka fact is that he benched two different quarterbacks for calling audibles.

"I guess the dog is getting organic peanut butter today," I think, not for the first or last time.

Millennials, just circling back here, did we kill napkins? Looking for some resolution on the napkin-killing initiative.

CORRECTION: A *third* potato has been named after Prince.

Thinking once again about migratory legends of type 6070B: Death of an Underground Person. The business of hidden worlds goes on all around us, and sometimes our involvement in them is brief, confusing, and incidental.