Advice for Everyone Do your best not to lie, within reason. When you are caught in a lie, admit to it instantly, and if possible, cheerfully. In this way you will still be able to maintain a reputation for honesty open.substack.com/pub/dmlavery...

the Sad Butler Movie Index is up open.substack.com/pub/dmlavery...

“My desire for friendship is not exclusive, but it is often possessive.” open.substack.com/pub/dmlavery...

“My desire for friendship is not exclusive, but it is often possessive.” open.substack.com/pub/dmlavery...

“Have you still got those green pills I gave you?” “We mustn't worry him with technical talk. The worst thing for this sort of case is discussion.” “There’s nothing wrong with you. If you need a prescription, I’ll go so far as to say you ought to be married.” www.thechatner.com/p/signs-your...

you would not believe how often the titular butch in lesbian pulp classic "Beebo Brinker" drinks a glass of milk defiantly at someone www.thechatner.com/p/everything...

"To hear someone call out “On your left” with no hope of friendly eye contact, to have to leap out of the way lest they jangle their hateful little bell at you — without those little courtesies, I become an animal. I would happily kill and kill again." www.thechatner.com/p/they-got-m...

A green dog over a tree. A yellow dog under a tree. John 1:48: “Jesus answered and said to him, ‘Before Philip called you, when you were under the fig tree, I saw you.” www.thechatner.com/p/a-biblical...

[offended] From time to time I may be at his beck. But I certainly am not at his call

nonfiction titles today: First Things: Why The Morning Ends (And Why It Doesn’t Have To) Pasta Fabulous 1927: The Year Before 1928 What Costco Can Teach Us About China, and What China Can Teach Us About Strategy www.thechatner.com/p/what-every...

nonfiction titles today: First Things: Why The Morning Ends (And Why It Doesn’t Have To) Pasta Fabulous 1927: The Year Before 1928 What Costco Can Teach Us About China, and What China Can Teach Us About Strategy www.thechatner.com/p/what-every...

you are under no obligation to believe this, but the movie playing in the lounge for transgender night at the gay bathhouse this weekend was harry potter and the chamber of secrets. incredible move

"Who would have thought that beneath that rather Charlotte Brontë exterior, there was actually a Charlotte Brontë interior, full of meek pride, hopeless hope, and timid determination?" www.thechatner.com/p/the-best-l...

the baby experienced the full spectrum of baby feelings today: joy, curiosity, gentleness, destruction, chicken, not allowed to touch guitar, weeping, laughing, leg stuck in crib, bath time, fear of Santa, throwing almonds in car, realizing he can hit me with a tennis racket, yelling at bedtime

“That’s a new silver fox! It’s stunning.” “Thank you.” “It must have been pretty expensive.” “It was.” "The Shop Around The Corner" Without Any Christmas or Romance Is Still A Pretty Good Movie About Luggage Inventory www.thechatner.com/p/the-shop-a...

one of the many upsides of sleeping with much older men is they often text "copy that" when confirming the time of an assignation

because I like consistency and reasonable quality and shared taste; I like a well-made shoe and a twelve-dollar sandwich and driving a safe, popular car, I have made a list of books that will never change your life. They are all reasonably good: open.substack.com/pub/dmlavery...

"Do you like my hat?" and "There is no democracy in any love relation: only mercy." Love's Work in Go, Dog, Go www.thechatner.com/p/loves-work...

“Potatoes matter to me. It’s important to treat them with respect. People matter to me too, but I think it’s better to focus on one thing at a time, rather than splitting your attention across everything you care about.” Meeting New People comes out June 2nd open.substack.com/pub/dmlavery...

No :) I don’t need to do that right now :) I’ll remember it I'll remember it because it's important :) www.thechatner.com/p/what-it-fe...

book PR scam copy has gotten just better enough in the last year that it drives me insane. I can't handle the extra five seconds of sleuthing before sending to spam! www.thechatner.com/p/the-worst-...

It will not surprise you to learn that our nineteen-month-old has a charming and idiosyncratic way of saying the phrase “basketball hoop”: he says “Ba-ka-baa hoo.” He says it often and with great conviction. www.thechatner.com/p/everything...

"Every five years between 1977-1989 and 1998-2015 sees a new Sorcerer sequel set in a different country with a different method of freight handling. This includes the movie Planes, Trains and Automobiles"

-Different kind of “shipping wars” -Roy Scheider is nominated for a record-breaking 36 Emmys for his performance on NBC’s seaQuest DSV, beating Alan Alda’s run on M*A*S*H www.thechatner.com/p/life-in-th...

every year, for the last six years, I get about halfway through November thinking “wow, I’ve made it through November, the month everyone in my family revealead themselves to be part of a sinister pedophile-protecting cabal, without going insane at all this time”

tonight at 6pm at the Pegasus Books on Shattuck in Berkeley is the one and only reading I’m doing for the second Women’s Hotel book. come by!

so excited to be in convo with my brother Danny!!

"Five days a week, should I particularly wish it, I might eat a hot lunch with gravy at no cost to myself, and without lifting a finger to prepare it." www.thechatner.com/p/fielding-q...

I'm only doing one stop on the book tour for Christmas at the Women's Hotel -- this Monday at Pegasus Books in Berkeley with @soleilho.com. Don't miss it! pegasusbookstore.com/event/2025-1...

rescuing gooners from themselves: dazed, blue-eyed, limpid, wearing hospital gowns, ready for rehab

It’s also very funny to sentimentalize forest porn caches as like, “Oh, you really had to work for your nut then, porn had to be earned by hard work and honest sweat.”

"If you believe these guys are avatars of sexual ruination/failed masculinity, you’re buying into the thing they’re getting off on. Lots of trans people get off to similar ideas. Cis men just don’t have the escape hatch of calling it a coping mechanism for trauma" www.thechatner.com/p/but-pornos...

my third novel is about a relentless string of friendship bust-ups. MEETING NEW PEOPLE comes out summer 2026

when is too soon to ask to join the sacred band of thebes in a new relationship open.substack.com/pub/dmlavery...

in Calvinism it’s “buy me Bonestorm and go to Hell”

Cupid and Psyche, part IV: “Chores for wives, house arrest for husbands, was the order of the day.” open.substack.com/pub/dmlavery...

an excerpt from Christmas at the Women’s Hotel, out next week: open.substack.com/pub/dmlavery...

getting a lot of questions about just how big the big bus I'm driving for work is. happy to answer them here: www.thechatner.com/p/fielding-q...

getting a lot of questions about just how big the big bus I'm driving for work is. happy to answer them here: www.thechatner.com/p/fielding-q...

"I am going to write a husband no one but myself will much like" -- Jane Austen writing Edmund Bertram, probably

Mansfield Park ends with both Edmund and Mary Crawford in an odd relationship with time after he accidentally puts a curse on them both in chapter twelve (I have proof of this).

huge unexpected split on Jan Brett's 'The Mitten': "I think Nikki is a liar and Grandma knows exactly what happened." www.thechatner.com/p/three-pare...

I just got tickets to tour my local wastewater facility if you even care

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my first piece for @coyotemedia.org is a guide to becoming flakier www.coyotemedia.org/how-to-flake...

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"I tend to get antsy about anything that feels like it’s trying too hard to impart a childhlike sense of wonder to the child. Because they’ve already got that childlike sense of wonder!" www.thechatner.com/p/three-pare...

“If Pauline was still wearing brown, as she had been this morning, then Lucianne had better wear something blue, to heighten the charm of the difference between them. Luckily it would not matter what Katherine was wearing.” Women’s Hotel is out in paperback now, sequel is out next month!

it’s your first day as a medieval chef! time to start rubbing costly spices into rotten meat for some reason: open.substack.com/pub/dmlavery...

comprehensive list of everything Henry James refers to as "vulgar" in his personal correspondence www.thechatner.com/p/everything...