you are under no obligation to believe this, but the movie playing in the lounge for transgender night at the gay bathhouse this weekend was harry potter and the chamber of secrets. incredible move

"Who would have thought that beneath that rather Charlotte Brontë exterior, there was actually a Charlotte Brontë interior, full of meek pride, hopeless hope, and timid determination?" www.thechatner.com/p/the-best-l...

the baby experienced the full spectrum of baby feelings today: joy, curiosity, gentleness, destruction, chicken, not allowed to touch guitar, weeping, laughing, leg stuck in crib, bath time, fear of Santa, throwing almonds in car, realizing he can hit me with a tennis racket, yelling at bedtime

“That’s a new silver fox! It’s stunning.” “Thank you.” “It must have been pretty expensive.” “It was.” "The Shop Around The Corner" Without Any Christmas or Romance Is Still A Pretty Good Movie About Luggage Inventory www.thechatner.com/p/the-shop-a...

one of the many upsides of sleeping with much older men is they often text "copy that" when confirming the time of an assignation

because I like consistency and reasonable quality and shared taste; I like a well-made shoe and a twelve-dollar sandwich and driving a safe, popular car, I have made a list of books that will never change your life. They are all reasonably good: open.substack.com/pub/dmlavery...

"Do you like my hat?" and "There is no democracy in any love relation: only mercy." Love's Work in Go, Dog, Go www.thechatner.com/p/loves-work...

“Potatoes matter to me. It’s important to treat them with respect. People matter to me too, but I think it’s better to focus on one thing at a time, rather than splitting your attention across everything you care about.” Meeting New People comes out June 2nd open.substack.com/pub/dmlavery...

No :) I don’t need to do that right now :) I’ll remember it I'll remember it because it's important :) www.thechatner.com/p/what-it-fe...

book PR scam copy has gotten just better enough in the last year that it drives me insane. I can't handle the extra five seconds of sleuthing before sending to spam! www.thechatner.com/p/the-worst-...

It will not surprise you to learn that our nineteen-month-old has a charming and idiosyncratic way of saying the phrase “basketball hoop”: he says “Ba-ka-baa hoo.” He says it often and with great conviction. www.thechatner.com/p/everything...

"Every five years between 1977-1989 and 1998-2015 sees a new Sorcerer sequel set in a different country with a different method of freight handling. This includes the movie Planes, Trains and Automobiles"

-Different kind of “shipping wars” -Roy Scheider is nominated for a record-breaking 36 Emmys for his performance on NBC’s seaQuest DSV, beating Alan Alda’s run on M*A*S*H www.thechatner.com/p/life-in-th...

every year, for the last six years, I get about halfway through November thinking “wow, I’ve made it through November, the month everyone in my family revealead themselves to be part of a sinister pedophile-protecting cabal, without going insane at all this time”

tonight at 6pm at the Pegasus Books on Shattuck in Berkeley is the one and only reading I’m doing for the second Women’s Hotel book. come by!

so excited to be in convo with my brother Danny!!

"Five days a week, should I particularly wish it, I might eat a hot lunch with gravy at no cost to myself, and without lifting a finger to prepare it." www.thechatner.com/p/fielding-q...

I'm only doing one stop on the book tour for Christmas at the Women's Hotel -- this Monday at Pegasus Books in Berkeley with @soleilho.com. Don't miss it! pegasusbookstore.com/event/2025-1...

rescuing gooners from themselves: dazed, blue-eyed, limpid, wearing hospital gowns, ready for rehab

It’s also very funny to sentimentalize forest porn caches as like, “Oh, you really had to work for your nut then, porn had to be earned by hard work and honest sweat.”

"If you believe these guys are avatars of sexual ruination/failed masculinity, you’re buying into the thing they’re getting off on. Lots of trans people get off to similar ideas. Cis men just don’t have the escape hatch of calling it a coping mechanism for trauma" www.thechatner.com/p/but-pornos...

my third novel is about a relentless string of friendship bust-ups. MEETING NEW PEOPLE comes out summer 2026

when is too soon to ask to join the sacred band of thebes in a new relationship open.substack.com/pub/dmlavery...

in Calvinism it’s “buy me Bonestorm and go to Hell”

Cupid and Psyche, part IV: “Chores for wives, house arrest for husbands, was the order of the day.” open.substack.com/pub/dmlavery...

an excerpt from Christmas at the Women’s Hotel, out next week: open.substack.com/pub/dmlavery...

getting a lot of questions about just how big the big bus I'm driving for work is. happy to answer them here: www.thechatner.com/p/fielding-q...

getting a lot of questions about just how big the big bus I'm driving for work is. happy to answer them here: www.thechatner.com/p/fielding-q...

"I am going to write a husband no one but myself will much like" -- Jane Austen writing Edmund Bertram, probably

Mansfield Park ends with both Edmund and Mary Crawford in an odd relationship with time after he accidentally puts a curse on them both in chapter twelve (I have proof of this).

huge unexpected split on Jan Brett's 'The Mitten': "I think Nikki is a liar and Grandma knows exactly what happened." www.thechatner.com/p/three-pare...

I just got tickets to tour my local wastewater facility if you even care

@coyotemedia.org is alive!! Please take a moment to check us out, sign up for our newsletter and subscribe if you can. ❤️❤️❤️ www.coyotemedia.org

my first piece for @coyotemedia.org is a guide to becoming flakier www.coyotemedia.org/how-to-flake...

❤️🔥 HOT OFF THE PRESSES! 🔥❤️ COYOTE Media Collective is live!! We’re so incredibly proud of this smart, fierce, unapologetic Bay Area media project. Dive in, see what we’ve been building, read our stories, and join the pack! coyotemedia.org

"I tend to get antsy about anything that feels like it’s trying too hard to impart a childhlike sense of wonder to the child. Because they’ve already got that childlike sense of wonder!" www.thechatner.com/p/three-pare...

“If Pauline was still wearing brown, as she had been this morning, then Lucianne had better wear something blue, to heighten the charm of the difference between them. Luckily it would not matter what Katherine was wearing.” Women’s Hotel is out in paperback now, sequel is out next month!

it’s your first day as a medieval chef! time to start rubbing costly spices into rotten meat for some reason: open.substack.com/pub/dmlavery...

comprehensive list of everything Henry James refers to as "vulgar" in his personal correspondence www.thechatner.com/p/everything...

There are no grounds for [a morning shower]. It is perverse to be wet in the morning; it is only logical that the hours before noon ought to be the driest of the day.

Little Grandma Darling is as tiny as can be as small as she is little — as little as she’s wee — take the smallest thing you’ve got, then divide that thing by three; little grandma darling is the size of nobody

"going to need to build up trust in my cartoon before i decide whether it's bad to bomb children every night" jesus christ

in the seven or eighth installment of "A Good Day to Join the Hittite Army" we finally meet the Hittites www.thechatner.com/p/a-good-day...

Aphrodite is almost always angry, and almost always taking a bath. When she is angry enough to get out of the bathtub, that's when it is time to worry Cupid and Psyche, part III substack.com/home/post/p-...

In case you missed it: there will be a Betsy-Tacy Convention in October, and you’re going to want to be here (in Mankato)! The planners just announced two of their speakers: @dannymlavery.bsky.social and Mitali Perkins! Get your tickets today 👇 betsy-tacy-convention.square.site #betsytacytuesday

In which I share my books' sales and kind words of wisdom from @dannymlavery.bsky.social, @rumaan.bsky.social @mysoncool.bsky.social, @mattielubchansky.com, @jayasaxena.com, @islemcelroy.bsky.social, and @lydiakiesling.bsky.social meantforyou.beehiiv.com/p/the-mortif...

"Offer your baby a sticker for every hour he successfully makes it without brushing his teeth. Or, if he prefers it to stickers, a nice piece of candy." how to brush your baby's teeth www.thechatner.com/p/how-to-bru...

I think the hardest adjustment for an ancient time traveler must be that nobody wants to hear about your dreams anymore: www.thechatner.com/p/the-hardes...

“I’m flattered, Pilot, but I’m a married man.”

Indicators you are likely to be hit with a pie in a pie fight: Proximity to a double-swinging saloon door, recently said "you wouldn't DARE" to a long-suffering lackey, you are a dowager, proximity to a ribbon-cutting or ship-christening ceremony, etc: www.thechatner.com/p/signs-your...