i loved this one! @zoemjack.bsky.social is so great to talk to! click thru for the exclusive home office photo, peep all my Stuff

keep seeing "do not obey in advance" used to punctuate the end of a post and every time my brain autocompletes with BUT DON'T OBEY AT ALL, EITHER!!!

dreamed i came online and someone was calling me AUAB (assigned ugly at birth)

when i start thinking “the writer from stalker, he’s SO me…” that’s when you know it’s time for a lil break

“don’t obey in advance” is good, but don’t obey at all, either

(ronnie cammareri voice) i make horoscopes, horoscopes, HOROSCOPES www.thecut.com/article/your...

if you’re the person who put handmaid costumes on the stone lions outside your gigantic mansion in saint paul…i’d love to talk

horoscopes are still DAILY, i’m doing my very best to do real talk that is also useful/nice, love you 🖤 www.thecut.com/article/your...

went to the orchestra this weekend and was brought nearly to tears by the little exhibit about the building’s 50 year anniversary. this is from the board’s “statement of values.” can you imagine a big cultural institution saying something like this today lol

if the democrats win by becoming republicans, that also counts as republicans winning. something that is obvious to normal people and yet!!!

More articles about @clairecomstockgay.bsky.social please!!! www.thecut.com/article/how-...

the post genre that’s like “[whoever] now has the chance to do the funniest thing ever”…but the thing in question is like MILDLY humorous at best…

Love this week’s horoscope from @clairecomstockgay.bsky.social “An unexpected new path is opening up to you now. Follow it.” So mote it be. www.thecut.com/2023/10/week...

in 2nd grade my friend nikki’s mom gave us a STERN talk about how crayola’s “radical red” was so disrespectful to the brave radicals of the world. unfortunately i turn into nikki’s mom every time i see an ad for like a deodorant startup w “collective” in the name

my enemy strikes again…smiling big in my friend’s insta stories…how dare you

My entire October in a nutshell from @clairecomstockgay.bsky.social: www.thecut.com/2023/09/week...

maybe you want to read your horoscope, i don’t know!! https://www.thecut.com/2023/09/weekly-horoscopes-for-the-week-of-september-25-by-the-cut.html

i’m going back in :) can’t wait to see what they’re going to inject me with, i love surprises :)

TWIST: walgreens called and said “WHOOPS we accidentally gave you the flu shot instead of the covid booster, can you come back in?”

before each covid booster i think “eh it’ll be fine” and dave goes “hm…remember how sick you felt every other time” and i go “yeah but this is different!” anyway guess who was up all night with aches and chills lol

i know i’m always coming on the internet and asking to be praised for doing a totally mediocre job parallel parking. but today: i’m asking you to praise me for going to the dentist

this is the world’s worst, most annoying sports bar and she is DESPERATE to go inside

it is frankly SO annoying that the only way to get any writing done is to sit down and do it

:)

pov: you’re at the art museum and two people with the strongest minnesota accents you’ve ever heard keep saying to each other “now, what do you think this represents? what do you think THIS represents? barb, come look at this. what do you think it represents?”

cortado with a tiny seltzer…king of Little Treats

discarded “no children” lyrics

the indignity of being asked to provide “feedback” to your health insurance company……”would you recommend us to your family and friends?” i mean obviously not but also i thought we all knew that this is a hostage situation???

from tonight’s class notes. the verdict is in

the best part of publishing a book is that three years later you can send your elderly japanese teacher a copy and she’ll cry because she’s so proud of you

HERE YOU GO, OK 💚🌾

hemming some pants for my neighbor’s kid in exchange for a pair of baseball tickets….it’s honestly so good to live in a society

in 2009 i was working at the borders in my town in new hampshire…grim time of life…tried to make friends with a coworker who was reading david foster wallace and she was like lmao no i’m only reading this bc there’s an essay about my favorite guy, john mccain

in the same way that a small crush is pleasantly invigorating…..there’s this person who was INCREDIBLY rude to me for no reason the one time we met, and i get such a little jolt every time she shows up in my friends’ pictures 😎

“side hustle”—the ugliest words in the english language. the reverse cellar door

just watched a murder she wrote episode where this girl writes a novel and jessica says to her “you know, you’re about to be very, very rich.” i love my little historical fantasy tv show :)

lol every week i’m freshly surprised that i’m still (STILL) doing the horoscopes…we LOVE a professional rut, just can’t get enough,

idk maybe you want to read your horoscope!

once again i am asking for a medal for parallel parking in a totally regular-sized spot. who can i talk to about this. attn: city hall

the 2nd scariest dog on the block (yorkie named theodore) barked at her and she’s WORN OUT from the terrifying experience

i’m sorry but have you EVER seen somebody so good, so cute,

my first job was at this tiny family-owned restaurant in town. everyone in the family (dad, mom, three little kids) called me clarence. later i talked to this girl lauren at school who had the job before me and she was like “oh yeah they always called me laurence”

real first day of school vibes on here…hi guys i’ve CHANGED over the summer. anything’s possible. i’m going to get so popular this year