Today's eBay arrival: I was never really into Jane's Addiction but a few of my mates were - and news of the band's split last week sent me down a rabbit hole.

Wife just told me I've put on too much muscle recently and I am DELIGHTED about that.

A Lord of the Rings cover band called the Rohirrim Stones.

Oh jesus fuck I accidentally ended up on Oxford Street today doing some errands in town. Why would anybody voluntarily come here? Now I have to collect my friend's daughter from Victoria Coach Station and make sure she gets on the right train. This place is a proper hive of scum and villainy.

Watching somebody with experience, skill, and natural talent gleefully flooring a loud-mouth narcissist was just the little treat we all deserved this christmas.

I finally updated my stupid standup blog, if anybody cares: www.standup-comedy.co.uk/newbie-diary...

Just been added to a fucking WhatsApp group for somebody's xmas party, as if going to a party wasn't bad enough, now I have to deal with this.

On my early dates with my wife, I talked about books I was reading and places I'd travelled to, because I thought that would make her interested in me. Years later she admitted she couldn't care less about that stuff, and she was mainly won over by my "nice arms" because I'd been working out a lot.

Fight the power! Smash the system! Participate in capitalism!

RIP to this legend: www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ncfn...

In my day job I manage a team of American copywriters, and I am fighting a losing battle against the em-dash.

I've stopped correcting my typos in messages and social posts because life's too shart.

"I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve. Jesus, does anyone?" That line always stayed with me - my friends from that age were my found family. Three of us still talk almost every day, almost forty years later.

Fuck Spotify - I'm reliving the nineties, trawling eBay for CDs of bands I'd forgotten about.

It's so weird to me that we have hourly news bulletins to let us know about all the massacres, murders, tragedies, fascism, death, horror, and disaster in the world, and also the Man United v Chelsea score.

My Bluesky Wrapped just dropped!

Open mics in London are booking spots for March 🫠

If you grew up in a small town, you have 100% seen a group of lads in jolly Santa hats knocking the shit out of each other on a Saturday night outside a Yates Wine Lodge during December.

The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind but for politics.

The problem with having a full time job and three kids and trying to do standup as well is that it doesn't leave you with much time for sitting around in the dark, drinking scotch and listening to meloncholy 90s alt-rock.

A few suggestions...

Grimly fascinated by how almost everybody I know, ranging from full on communists, centrist dads, small c conservatives, to GB News brainrot zombies, have universally decided that this is Absolutely The Worst Government in History. Did the last 14 years not happen? Did I dream it all?

I went to see this at the weekend and had to pretend it wasn't awful, because the tickets were a birthday gift from wife: www.chortle.co.uk/review/2025/...

Shirley Manson being unnecessarily harsh to a fan over something completely trivial just makes her even hotter tbh.

Characters like Scrooge and The Grinch are designed to shame people into profligacy, demanding they abandon prudence and participate in conspicuous consumerism, all in the name of "Christmas Spirit" no matter the impact on their family's financial security... 1/73

Your laws do not apply to me.

The barmaid who runs our local pub quiz has a reading age of 7/8 - she can't get through a single question without stumbling over at least one word, spelling out the ones she can't pronounce. It's oddly wholesome - she perseveres unbothered, and the patrons all help her out with the tricky words.

Manager left, they gave me his job. People immediately started asking questions I don't have answers for. Turned off Slack and starting vacuuming my office rug instead. This has all been a horrible mistake.

Remember when people would just call you randomly without warning, and expect you to have a conversation on the spot, without giving you any time to mentally prepare? Mental. How did we live like that?

All of my kids, and a lockable door.

The festive season is off to a strong start for me.

Ugh, fine... The Prodigy Faith No More Soundgarden Metallica Guns n Roses Because I am your basic model gen-x dad.

I feel like however you pronounce chorizo, somebody is going to be pissy about it.

Business idea: I come round your house and use my lack of construction skills to turn it into a shithole to own Rachel Reeves. I will charge a year of mansion tax for the pleasure.

Wife putting up xmas decorations with the kids. Youngest started secondary school this year, so we agreed to stop doing Elf on a Shelf. She's just got the Elf out its box and told him it was us moving him around every night, all these years. He had no idea, his mind is blown, his innocence crushed.

Taxing unhealthy things, like milkshakes, is a genius move because it forces the very poorest in society to become healthier and more miserable.

Just absolutely murdered a bunch of teenagers in Warzone, and feeling great about myself.

Lads...

This week I've been offered a promotion at work (convinced I was being made redundant), a spot on a gig (didn't even have to apply), and a bowel cancer screening (have to shit in a jar). Life is going great!

Amazon "We need a highly relatable Christmas ad this year." Ad Agency "Got it, how about one with a bloke doing online shopping while he hides in his PANTRY?"

The worst thing about working from home is when I have to take my slanket off for a Zoom call.

"It's actually a Haynes manual for the Ford Capri Mk 2 - I'm doing a complete top-end rebuild." Then she borrows your torque wrench and you never get it back. No thank you.

Why do pyjamas have pockets?

Why do we collectively persist with the myth that Christmas is snowy, instead of grey and drizzly?

My wife thinks this is a perfectly suitable place to store a box of biscuits. Should I divorce her?

Just play Hysteria ffs!

When AI tools like ChatGPT or Google AI Overviews give you a response, if they decide that their training data may be out of date for your query, they will try to find more recent information on the internet. Most of them will use trusted news sources, academic or government sites where possible. /1

Massive Faith No More fan - but somehow I've never realised that the 1995 video for their cover of "I Started A Joke" features Martin Freeman: www.youtube.com/watch?v=JKDo...

Money Saving Tip: buy your remembrance poppy on November 12 when they discount all the old stock.

I am at a PR industry event thing for the first time in centuries - there are PASTRIES! I forgot about the pastries. Need to get out more.