git gud — condescending, annoying, baby talk skill issue — hilarious, dignified, elegant

they should make another P.T. but for animal crossing

john carpenter’s the ditto

yesterday a man in his 70’s who works at a private tutor place said he likes to watch the marvel movies “when they aren’t too woke” lol

he died doing what he loved—disassociating

spider crawled across my desk then disappeared below. that’s okay. guess i occupy hostile territory now.

roger rabbit ass country

art of war 2: the song of peace

jax tayler, in 2 seconds:

SORA: if it bleeds, we can kill it. DONALD: *excited duck noises* GOOFY: Gawrsh! *scene cuts to a wide shot in infrared as the party walks deeper into the jungle* PREDATOR (mimicking Goofy): Gawrsh…

no spoilers, but i was not ready for this boss fight in the new doom

dude how come only the bride gets to dance with her dad, what’s up with that. i want a turn

you’re telling me that guy’s the new santa, or whatever?

at the mountains of madness but it’s the first time i heard cliffs of dover while playing guitar hero 2

bouncing between six different group chats, all doing the same “one of us should run for pope” bit

sparing a thought for a classic midwest character: local weed dealer with deeply held christian beliefs. today is a big one for them!

in france they just call it kissing

i love the part in plane when he hits the guy with the plane

hey man, saw you at the vera bradley outlet off i-75

why is my wife explaining chicken jockey to me, what is going on

fell for a prank. i am truly april's fool

Michelle Dockery will return as Lady Mary Crawley in ‘DOWNTON ABBEY: THE GRAND FINALE’

hey do you remember ms marvel? i’m her dad. it’s me, kamala’s dad. you know kamala, from the other thing. i’m her father. you should meet her sometime, my daughter kamala. i am ms marvel’s dad. we live in the same world, you, me, and my daughter kamala, who you might know as ms marvel. that’s my dau

getting quotes from local roofers to install a pizza hut top on my home

really happy with what we’re getting, also probably would have been happy with the original iteration of born again. mayor fisk being forced to sit through back-to-back choral renditions of we built this city is a good gag!

is the senate hiring

taking a silly one for the passport photo

*stilt-man voice* zoinks!

ate beans everyday this week #beanfilledbody #beanpilled #mrbean

they should cast jesse plemons in the next season of traitors

the coworkers when exposed to my positive outlook

stopped checking my email 😊

Using a leaf blower to style your hair is recommended @yourpalroman.bsky.social youtu.be/mSRU1whbsTU?...

how come planes are broken

hbd to Baxter, the cat

every workplace needs a loveable, laughable fool who performs their job well, is well-liked among their peers, and whose past is a dark enigma. this is where i come in.

getting my chompers warshed

i hate when i’m at kroger trying to do a code 19 in section 74 but can’t because security is monitoring me

*dennis reynolds voice*

This is a beautiful tribute.

they should let alan cumming take a crack at hosting wheel of fortune next

belting the full 8+ minutes of paradise by the dashboard light at the wicked singalong

won my first game of balatro. in awe of my tenacity & perserverence.

best games i played this year: 5. tmnt: shredder’s revenge 4. alan wake 2 3. zelda: echoes of wisdom 2. super mario bros. wonder 1. helldivers 2 honorable mentions: zelda: wind waker hd (not finished yet, but what a game!), pocket card jockey: ride on, paper mario: the thousand year door remake

body horror rankings: 1. the thing (1982) 2. the fly (1986) 3. the santa clause (1994)

caught a stray this morning when my neighbor (former congressman) tried juggling a loaded 9 mm between two devil’s sticks in his driveway. the service inside the ambulance (out of network, btw) was so bad i couldn’t even set up my ooo message for work. ain’t that the way it always goes :/

these sickos couldn’t even keep it together for 2 tracks

scalping an anora popcorn bucket for $250 usd