If you actually hate Elon Musk the way he needs to be hated you'd be saying whateveryou need to to get selected first

Making risotto, and man, this shit keeps just barely ahead of the reward-to-effort ratio cutoff. It's so good, but such a colossal pain in the ass. What if you made rice, but really slowly.

The walls are closing in

Unironically: more public figures should be arrested on their birthday

It's extremely funny that there's a later story in the Ulster Cycle where St. Patrick summons Cúchulainn's ghost just long enough for him to say "byyy the waaayyy I'm a Christian nooowww"

"Look man, if you're buying salt from Centra, it's because you need salt and Centra's what's open. We are NOT wasting money on eye-catching packaging here."

Gonna be honest, I absolutely love the idea of being online to discuss two topics: Flat Earth theory and the Princess Diaries fandom

Singing "Hot to Go" to my morning porridge

I don't see the problem, back in the early 90s this was considered peak interior design

Trying Caves of Qud tonight. My understanding is that I will either get bored and annoyed within ten minutes or become an insane evangelist who never shuts up about the game. Not sure which way I'll jump, gonna play it by ear.

HAL JORDAN: In brightest day, in blackest BEASTIE BOYS: NIGHT! HAL JORDAN: No evil shall escape my BEASTIE BOYS: SIGHT! HAL JORDAN: This is awkward because when I invited you I thought I was messaging Beast Boy from the Teen Titans.

This is why immigration discourse in Ireland sucks. This editorial fairly sets up that there's likely to be pushback on immigration while Ireland is in a housing crisis, then spends the whole article presuming that immigration is what needs to be fixed.

(Thomas Kinsella singing to himself while writing) That's the sound of the man working on The Táin

Hasbro is making a red, white and blue eagle Transformer to celebrate America's 250th birthday, and when unsold copies start piling up on Walmart shelves covered in clearance stickers, it's gonna be some real Adbusters shit

Every time it comes up that Rahm Emanuel wants to run for president, people rightly bring up Laquan McDonald. But I think it's also worth noting that Emanuel was ready to let Elon Musk dig up half of Chicago to get people from the loop to O'Hare, a thing the blue line was already doing.

Valentine's tradition achieved

the 100th anniversary. the year of the homeboy

(Kent Brockman voice) The locals call it "County Wicklow," but it also goes by the more frightening name of KILL MOUNTAIN

They should have Ethan Phillips record like 400 hours of dialogue and he just never stops talking the whole game. You're trying to mine resources and quell discontent among the Maquis crew members and Neelix just keeps going, there's no soundtrack, just Neelix talking at you like Abe Simpson.

Dropping off and picking up my daughter and her friend at a disco tonight, what do we think the odds are that either of these young women will be willing to take a coat in the sub-zero national yellow alert freezing weather warning

I think it's high time we start expecting dentists to find some non-drill-based solutions to problems.

Chicken thighs, tomatoes, and some orzo in a slow cooker, you're like 90% of the way to an S-tier meal, with tons of options to turn the flavor dial from tangy to savory to spicy.

10 year ago my daughter used to watch Sarah and Duck, and now when I slice up shallots I have to whisper "I am NOT a bad person"

Every couple months an American account discovers the existence of spice bags and becomes a crazy evangelist, pleading with their countrymen to understand how good they are. And they're right. Spice bags are amazing. The Irish have captured a miracle and hoarded it jealously.

I'd be awful at running a nostalgia account because when I try to do a "things only 90s kids remember" bit it's always stuff like "Old El Paso just straight-up lifted a Simpsons bit for an ad campaign, like nobody was gonna notice they stole a joke from one of the most popular shows in the country"

(pulling at tie, flop-sweating) I tell ya, I get no respect. The New York Times ran a story about me being the only guy Epstein told to keep *away* from his island! I told them hey, what about Musk? They said that's right, you don't smell too good either!

omg everybody go draw a horse this is what the internet was made for gradient.horse

I have never once thought through or about a post

I feel like if Eurovision was even slightly on America's radar, the Doctor Who Eurovision episode would be seen as a permanent embarrassment, up there with Discovery repeatedly glazing Elon Musk.

Is this because of the one Epstein joke that got some traction in Bluewavetown

Okay come on now

the magic of the Muppets is that there are two fourth walls. they constantly break the one that reminds the audience they are performers. they NEVER break the one that reminds the audience they are puppets. this dynamic is the key to their entire comedy style

I'd be the worst drug addict. I took codeine for like two days because of my root canal, and I'm like "ohhhh my tummy hurts"

Watching Bake-Off as a Yank is so awesome. You can understand what they call pudding, biscuits, etc. but suddenly they’re saying, “Toby’s cake will have all the classic Gingham Day flavors, in the form of Swat the Grump,” and then they make like a carnival game where you shoot lobsters with a cannon

I know this isn't an actual proposal, it's the head of a trade association saying this would kick ass, but he's correct, this would kick ass.

I love this bag so much

The Trump formula is 40% Adolf Hitler/40% Joan Rivers/20% Charles Foster Kane

nice to meet you held in contempt, I’m dad

I love watching three blind European guys feel their way around then try to describe the food they're pretty sure you get in America

Enjoying some dark fantasy

Nodding at the morning drive-time music. I too am knee-deep in the hoopla.

Does the Louvre not have a bunch of crowns lying around that look basically like this one? Burglars probably dropped it because they already had like three of them

I'm sorry but this is simply what happens when you stop giving away free X-Men comics with personal pizzas. Read theory.

Looking at what the dentist wants to charge me and wondering if it would be cheaper to live with the pain and develop a crippling opioid addiction

"A Nervous Tic Motion of the Head to the Left" by Andrew Bird

That's an all-timer of a "huh that's weird I wonder why" then an immediate "oh"

Family St. Brigid's day tradition (I don't really know a lot about Brigid's deal but bank holidays are great for big breakfasts)

I don't think I'm too old and prudish but also it's crazy that we ever decided as a society that walking around with the word "juicy" printed on your ass was a totally chill and normal thing to do.

Lol, this is the kind of thing an egomaniacal movie villain says right before he's goaded into confessing. Somebody really needs to get Musk in front of a camera and tell him "they're saying you could never molest as efficiently as Epstein, your mind isn't powerful enough."

(intending to make a joke) Did money write thi-- oh