🗣️🗣️CHOCOLATE STARFISH 🗣️🗣️

New cult: Nation of Rizzlam.

If a beautiful woman has never slapped at your arms and chest due to your heart being full of roguish mischief, can you really claim to have lived?

I swear to god, if these dumb fucking psychopathic bastards nuke Iran.

LAPD and LA Sheriffs tried to prevent two large protests from joining together in downtown and both departments ended up hitting EACH OTHER with impact munitions from across the same interesection.

Israel Defense Minister Israel Katz declares a special state of emergency in the home front throughout the entire State of Israel: “Following the State of Israel's preemptive strike against Iran, a missile and drone attack against the State of Israel and its civilian population is expected.”

thom yorke apparently

I feel as if I’ll make it all the way to the 2030s before feeling like 2016 wasn’t 3 years ago.

So hot outside it smells like a McGriddle.

Children have opps, back in my day we had naysayers.

Chicago Deep Dish Pope

American Pope, I’m going to kill myself.

the new york sewer rats have finally elected a new rat pope

Why kind of therapy do I need when the only thing I feel like eating is that PRIMORDIAL STEW the 1st single celled organisms were eating. How can I reclaim that high?

Does anyone have a white boy who raps directly at you?

I so desperately wish to be liberated from renting and subscribing. Hostage situation type economy.

The only wacky conspiracy I believe in is that Trudeau is 1000% Castro’s son. Every other conspiracy I believe in is just the actual truth.

Everyone asking if 100 Men could take 1 gorilla, but no one’s stop to think if we SHOULD. slip away.

Mother fuckers want to talk about the Virginia Giuffre suicide like she wasn’t horribly traumatized by years of harassment and abuse. JE was killed, but this is pretty cut and dry. To todash DARKNESS with all of you.

B-Movie director, by my whole thing is I’m NOT a degenerate.

Lo, quats.

I have to keep track of the trends I’m seeing in my dating history. So far it’s a lot of vegans/vegetarians and habitual blanket stealers.

I’m remembering the media glossing Bukele’s horrible knob about his “tough on crime” shit looking at this photo.

Uh oh.

A bunch of hippies came in, bought all our soup.

I’m a simple person. Easily distracted by dogs, puppets, and nice sweaters. I rap to my roommates cat. I’m in a 12 step program. My taxes are NOT finished.

My therapist said I’m attracted to people with BPD, and I’m like… isn’t everyone? Hahaha, but seriously though I need help.

Things haven’t felt ok since the last Ying Yang Twins album.

My toxic trait is thinking I can fix her.

Customer is one of the most sinful things one can be. It takes you further from god

I want a liberal amount of Mac n Cheese. It’s the exact same as a conservative amount, but I want to be praised for pretending to be upset about how much I’m taking.

I talk a big game, but if I ever saw ScarJo in real life, I’d probably panic, blush, and tell her she’s pretty.

When you’re on a date and you both start expressing extremist political views 💕✨

I showed up to the dump, I’m not afraid of the trash.

I’m guilty to admit that whenever my cinephile friends were asking me if I had seen Kicking & Screaming, I had assumed they meant the Will Ferrel movie. This is not a joke, it’s a confession.

Like this NBA player so much I’m projecting a narrative on him.

I’ve tried lean like 2 or 3 times, and it made me wanna die. Lil Wayne is in danger.

Gotta quench my DURST

The Lighthouse, or as I’ve come to call it— “Boy Persona”.

Dude my therapist could totally beat your therapist up.

Watching Elon tepidly attempt a Sieg Heil is so fucking theatrically dumb. Man’s one of the most powerful people in America, and by all appearances he’s covering his eyes, running to safety, and blind firing over the polis. Corny soulless fascist scum.

Gadzooks! On main?

Keep your eye on the donut, and not on the hole.

This is a rough towel household. If you use soft towels, you need to be purged.

Ya ever wonder what a caveman’s political beliefs would be? Like “Ugg is violent DemSoc,” right?

I’ll stop talking about WWII once it stops dictating every fucking second of my life.

This is going to clock my age, but Urban Outfitters lost its identity.

Committing the sensual act of glazing cinnamon rolls.