Depression Cool Ranch Doritos

Attendees of the Nazi dinner party have forfeited their claim to any sympathy

Or be so bad at math that he thinks that taking half as many days off means that he's worked twice as many days as someone else

10 bucks for every year since “trouble with the snap” made me the happiest I’ve ever been watching a football game #charitibundibowl

“currently” is doing so much work here

I’ve always loved this one (RIP Mike)

The immorality of being wiling to sacrifice the rights of an entire group of people is monstrous, and it’s also a dogshit political strategy. I’m not sure how many times centrist weasels need to be taught this lesson

I worked for Honeybaked Ham over winter break one year in college for two weeks, and in that time, I set myself on fire twice (a cloth apron over a fireproof one—no injuries), and got fired for calling in sick (hungover) on their busiest day of the year. To date, the only time I’ve been fired🤞

Bluey is Antifa

@schumer.senate.gov you’re delusional if you think there’s any way to reform something like this

@schumer.senate.gov this is the only acceptable position. Enough of this weak shit you’re proposing

People fucking hate this shit. No one can stop Woke 2

Yale: Wow, this is getting a lot of quote skeets. People must be loving our announceme…oh no

Very little if anything seems to have changed on the ground. ICE is still out there terrorizing neighborhoods and trying to disappear neighbors. None of us on the ground are buying this bullshit. We will keep organizing and fighting.

In solidarity with today's ICE OUT OF MINNESOTA blackout, MinnMax is donating $1 to the Immigrant Law Center of Minnesota for every share of this Bluesky post for the next hour.

If It hasn’t happened, I hope he sees all the posts from people who are hoping that it has

TGIWFWTD

@cjzero.bsky.social did you see the thing where Tom Izzo is screaming at his (possibly drunk) former player, Paul Davis, and has him removed from the arena? Such a bizarre scene

Inside you, there are two wolves…

Santa is getting freaky this year

“That dog ain’t shit”

It’s great that the elections are going well tonight, but wouldn’t it be nice if voters developed object permanence and remembered that they hate everything republicans do whenever they get into power, and stop electing them?

Fill the bar, people

Hey @govpritzker.illinois.gov, why don't you do something about your state police goons assaulting peaceful protesters for no fucking reason?

Introduce yourself using only one food you refuse to eat, one movie you'll never watch again, and one song you can't stand. Popcorn (I realize this is weird) Forrest Gump Hey Soul Sister (or basically anything by Train, because I can’t stand the singer’s voice)

Always a great bit😆

This is the money Flapjack. Repost for ten years good luck ✨ 🐈

Third Way President John Cowan can go fuck himself with a rusty claw hammer. Trans rights are human rights

Dealer’s choice

@drewmagary.bsky.social now that Aaron Rodgers has presumably stopped torturing you, everything with the QB situation for the Vikes should be smooth sailing, right?

I see today's pump has run out of steam and it's time to dump.

Markets not done reacting to Trump shooting the economy in the dick

Is it healthy that the first part of my morning routine is checking to see if a couple of terrible people are no longer with us and being disappointed if they’re still around? I’m sure that’s great for one’s mental health.

Things may be generally bad, and maybe you don't like how things have gone in your life, but at least you've never had to get someone to sign an NDA so they can't talk about how fucked up your dick is...and then have them go ahead and still tell the world how fucked up your dick is anyway.

Today and every day, trans rights are human rights.

@uaw.org, way to go Shawn, you bootlicking dipshit.

Me in the national security group chat

@schumer.senate.gov @schatz.bsky.social @peters.senate.gov Hey, fuckfaces, good thing you averted that shutdown, stupid, cowardly motherfuckers. Resign now, you useless bags of shit

@schumer.senate.gov , you fucking piece of shit, fuck you to hell

@peters.senate.gov I’m embarrassed to have voted for you. The Democratic Party will never see another dollar from me or get another second of my volunteer time, because of the cowardice of you and your colleagues who voted to advance this travesty. Resign now.

Literal lol at the concept of “retail”chimpanzee milk

Schumer has to go

This should be interesting

This one is certainly getting worn out lately

@drewmagary.bsky.social there’s no way they’re this dumb, right? Has an entire franchise ever died of measles before?

This is honestly less than I expected. Kind of surprised that I'm not averaging over one per post

@profanity.accountant, let's fucking do this

Go fuck yourself, Mark