A mate from London popped in to see my Edinburgh show last night. #namedrop #SadiqKhan #MayorOfLondon

I have so much sympathy for Rachel Reeves. Just doing my own tax bill makes me cry, I’d be far worse trying to deal with a whole country. If you’re human, hard maths should make you cry.

Just checking, can we call the USA an authoritarian state yet? Obviously, it will soon be time to call it a Fascist state. Those of you who used to moan about politics being boring, you really should have been happier when it was…

Surely it’s time for the rest of the world to bring in a travel ban on people from the USA. It’s a country infected by MAGAism and disinformation about the rest of the world. 😉 #Travelban #Trump www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025...

Edinburgh Festival Announcement!!!! Come see me or see Oasis!!! Tickets at halcruttenden.com

Edinburgh Festival Announcement!!!! Come see me or see Oasis!!! Tickets at halcruttenden.com

Just another reminder that this is what Nigel Farage and Reform wanted to be President of our most important ally. Well now they no longer act like an ally. They humiliate the rest of the world every day.

Trump is learning what Truss learned before him: that the market is the last bastion of commonly-accepted truth, which all sides accept as empirically real open.substack.com/pub/iandunt/...

Early Bird Tickets are on sale now for DAUK’s Comedy Night Fundraiser! Join us Wednesday, May 7 at The Comedy Store in London for a night of top-tier comedy featuring @erichmcelroy.bsky.social, @halcruttenden.bsky.social, Desiree Burch, and Esther Manito: www.democratsabroad.org/dauksec/dauk...

Any Trump voters starting to regret their decision in November? I know some Brexit voters that you might like to meet....

I’ve had a horrible thought… with America retreating into isolationism, it will become culturally less important worldwide. So speaking English will become less important. I’m going to have to go to night classes to brush up on my French, and start learning German and Chinese!!!

Quick reminder about all the traitors who gleefully went to the US to celebrate Trump's inauguration: Nigel Farage Liz Truss Priti Patel Boris Johnson Suella Braverman Laurence Fox Who else?

While really frightening stuff is happening, Nigel Farage , who thrives on generating fear, is very quiet. I suppose, by cheering on Trump, his work is done. The world is so dangerous - not because of desperate people in boats - but because of rich populists spouting lies.

Brits disapprove of Donald Trump by *63%* to 22%. Yet this is the line being pushed by GB News... actionstorm.org/petitions/ma... GB News does not speak for Britain - pass it on...

Only a straight white man could be a sexual predator and an obvious threat to democracy and still be elected US President. That’s the extent of our privilege. Embarrassed to be a straight white man today.

Can we please stop comparing what is happening now to the 1930s? As the fascist takeover is happening to what was our closest ally and the most powerful country in the world, this is much worse for the UK than the 1930s.

At last! A European leader responding with balls to the approach the US is taking. Tired of European leaders not reacting strongly to the humiliations delivered by Vance, Musk and the rest of Trump’s regime. We have to accept that America is no longer our friend.

He nails it.

The question is, whether or not we have enough good people who are willing to push back and to move together across lines of politics and religion and race and nation of origin and orientation—and to declare our interdependence from fascism. johnpavlovitz.substack.com/p/fascism-is...

No, but if you’re looking for one, I am aware of a guy you work with that was indicted four times and convicted of thirty-four felonies.

Dear members of NATO, As the most powerful member of this alliance, the US, spends so much time verbally attacking and humiliating fellow allies, why don’t we ask if they still want to be a member? This will clarify the dangers we face and clarify for the American people where populism has got them.

My kids asked me what era we’re living in and I’m tempted to say ‘the pre-war era’.

Anyone else really tired of Americans telling us that they're the greatest country in the world when THAT is their President? Hush now. #Trump

Putin’s watching this while having a wank….

Looking forward to Trump's speech. It could be up there with Bob Mortimer's performances on 'Would I Lie To You'.

This is not a parody on Twitter. This really happened.

The expression that a 12 year old pulls when they’re trying to look like a man. #Trump

man just fuck everyone involved here fuck the senate for not barring him from office the second he did this fuck garland for not getting this done sooner fuck the supreme court for delaying and sabotaging and fuck everyone who voted for him again this should have been the end of him

See you on Bumble, Nicola!

This morning, my daughter asked me to unscrew the lid of her hot water bottle. I tried for ages but it was stuck. Then her boyfriend walked in and did it first time. The torch has been passed….

So when Heaven gets a new member in Jimmy Carter, does Hell need a new member to even up the numbers…

There’s a chance that Labour could define themselves in the way they stand up to Musk and Trump’s bullying. Starmer could score huge points by remaining sane and logical, while gently disagreeing. In future, the UK should slowly be moving away from our dependence on the US. Let’s do it with dignity.

Capitalism looks great on paper but, in reality, it’s leads to Elon Musk…

I first learnt of grooming gangs from @theTimes in Jan 2011 I became chief prosecutor May 2011 I authorised charging Rochdale grooming gang June 2011 After convictions (May 2012) Starmer put me in charge of national response Far Right thugs attacked my home 1000s of rapists were brought to justice

Happy New Year Everyone!!! I mean it!!!!

In a way, it's best that Jimmy Carter, on of the most moral upright US Presidents of my lifetime, will not be around to see the second term of the most immoral sex predator ever to have held that office. #RIPJimmyCarter

Just a salt of the earth, solid man of the people. A patriot who fights for the ordinary people against the elites! 🤣😂

I just can’t understand why a billionaire wants to back a party that distracts those voters who have been the biggest victims of rampant capitalism, with a focus on immigration, culture wars and fears about the woke… 🤔 #Musk #Reform

New tour announcement! Move over Taylor Swift, Oasis and Paul McCartney! I’m back on the road in the autumn of 2025 and fully expect to be selling out stadiums by 2026. 😉 Tickets at halcruttenden.com Hal Cruttenden: Can Dish It Out But Can’t Take It

They want Trump they just don’t want Trump to do any of the things he said he’s going to

It’s at times like these when you need your friends round you. The problem is that Mark lost a lot of his friends when he changed his opinions to become a right wing propagandist on GB News.

This time of year my catchphrase appears to be, ‘That’ll do’. #christmasshopping

As paying tax is a direct investment in our society, we should encourage people to be proud of it. Tell rich people that, instead of showing off about their charity work and dodging their taxes, they can show off about the tax they pay. They could pay their bill with a big show off cheque to HMRC.

Does Prince Andrew have any friends who aren’t dodgy?

How Republicans have exploited the American people to vote not in their self-interest will always be an enigma to me. I just don’t get it, I mean I do but damn what a psyop they have run on the poorly educated. Wake the fuck up my fellow Americans, we are about to be fleeced by billionaires.

Dear USA, This is how you’re meant to deal with someone who attempts to overthrow democracy. www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/c1...

Half price! The arsehole’s obviously not selling. Rejoice! 🤣😂

When you’re morally vacuous and stupid enough to support a sex offender for President, you’re stupid enough to suggest that Jill Biden fancies Donald Trump. We’ve got at least four years ahead of stupid people saying really stupid things to entertain the stupid.

Loved the movie ‘Conclave’. Like ‘The Two Popes’, it’s made me want to be a Cardinal, or even a Pope (I’m being humble). How long will that take, considering I’m not baptised a Catholic? And will they accept a divorcee? I’ll be good at sermons but might struggle with some rules.