I'm just recalling the time that I went in Grimsby Fisheries in Leicester and asked if I could have free fish and chips because I was born in Grimsby. Blank looks all around like they've never bloody heard of the place! Anyway, I'm following them on the insta thing now to see what's cracking!

Friday

When you get a friend request on Facebook from somebody you don't know...

Feels like more goals are likely in this Celtic v Stuttgart match. Celtic looking a bit Sunday league. #EuropaLeague

Jimmy Eat World are great! Chvrches are great! If you're gonna mash them up then the result will always be absolutely perfect! 😁 youtu.be/8n1t50Lg3IU?...

I was told by a woman at work today that if she wasn't with her fella then she'd marry me. She told me that she'd marry me but we couldn't live together. It was like getting chatted up and dumped at the same time!

Oh dear Woolwich! It's happening again! 😅😅😅

There's too many bloody pillows out there! Firm ones, soft ones, ones for back sleepers, side sleepers, front sleepers! If this is so important then why don't we put in a special request at hotels? "Yeah, I'll be staying tomorrow night so can you make sure that the back sleeper is in place please?"

I never thought that I'd be reading reviews for the best pillows to buy but here we are. The fallout from all of this is that I now feel like a nap! 😴

This is peak Bluesky and I'm here all day for it... #Andrew

Seems it's his birthday today, will he be wearing his party hat in his mugshot? #Andrew

Farage arrested by the end of the year. It's coming. #Andrew

Send him down!!! #Andrew

I was watching the cricket World Cup this morning and noticed JJ Smuts batting for Italy. He's South African!! How exactly do you qualify to play for Italy? Did he have a spag bol last night or something?! #WIvITA #T20WC

Madge at a push but those seats at the back are looking very inviting!

I'm so fed up with the amount of potholes that I have to dodge on a daily basis. Our roads are simply shocking! I've walked on The Appian Way. Dating back to 312 BC, it's one of the oldest roads in Ancient Rome. I don't recall seeing any potholes. Remind me again why I pay road tax!

Oh dear Woolwich! It's happening again! 😅😅😅

The groundsmen have done some great work since Sunday but this pitch is still very poor! #GTFC

I've put 3 bottles of contact lense solution on eBay for a fiver with free postage. Somebody has asked me if I'll go any lower and I don't wanna be in this world....

The birthday girl, living her best life around her grandmas! 🐶 🎂

She was even in my favourite film of all time. 😁 #FerrisBueller

I've just been working out how much fruit I have every week: 5 apples 🍏 5 pears 🍐 10 satsumas 🍊 10 bananas 🍌 100 blueberries 🫐 150 grapes 🍇 I'm not sure what anybody can actually do with this information but there you go! I guess that at least I'm very fruity! 😅

Already looking forward to warmer days to come. This was the sunrise that I captured last August on Cleethorpes seafront. It was absolutely breathtaking! ☀️ 😍

There were few teenage celebrity crushes knocking about on Bluesky last week and I was thinking who mine was. It was a long time ago! Anyway, I think this might have been mine. I think...🤔

In preparation for losing the use of my right hand for about six weeks, I've been practicing doing things with my left hand. Steady!!! This morning, I tried brushing my teeth. Absolute nightmare! Toothpaste everywhere. You wanna try it. Not good. Not good at all!

Post of the year! 👌🏼

For those who might have missed last night's chippy quiz...

Every. Single. Night.

I do tend to post about coffee a lot at 3am. Most people (and pets) that I know are still in bed at this hour. I've gotta do something. Anyway, I doff my cap to anybody who can start the day without a coffee. You must have some kind of superpower that I don't possess.

I feel buggered with a capital "B" this morning. 😴 A coffee before I leave and one for the commute to work sounds like a plan. ☕☕

Back when I lived in Cropston, I used to make a 25 mile round to my favourite chippy when there were perfectly good takeaways nearby. This proves that: A) I'm a bit crazy B) It shows unbelievable dedication to not accepting 2nd best C) Would you like chilli sauce with that? D) It's actually A

Is it only me who shouts out "calm down Ayrton Senna!!!" when somebody zooms up behind their car? I thought so...

i bet she tells people she doesn’t ski

A guy said hello to me in passing at work today and I haven't got a clue who he is. He was like "hi Paul! How are you doing? It's really good to see you!" All the time I'm thinking that I don't know who you are mate! Before I knew it, he was gone and maybe I'll never know. Hate that!

I'm not a fan of Pancake Day at all. For 5 years, I made them for a living in the bakery for a well known supermarket chain. I was king of the hotplate and everybody knew me as Pancake Paul. Every year, I would find out well in advance when Pancake Day was and book a week off. My bosses loved me! 😂

My favourite memory of Pancake Day is when Daddy Pig flipped a pancake & it stuck to the ceiling only for it to fall down on his face. You should watch it. I recommend Peppa Pig, especially if you appreciate pigs with stick thin legs that can't possibly sustain their weight!! #PancakeDay #PeppaPig

Me whenever I have to communicate with other human beings #anxiety

Actually undecided. It might be - And there's things I would like to do That you don't believe in I would like to build something But you never see it happen And there's this burning Like there's always been I've never been so alone And I've, I've never been so alive Both from the same song.

Visions of you on a motorcycle drive by The cigarette ash flies in your eyes & you don't mind, you smile & say the world it doesn't fit with you I don't believe you, you're so serene Careening through the universe Your axis on a tilt, you're guiltless and free I hope you take a piece of me with you

Ducks love bread but do not have the capability to buy a loaf. That's the biggest joke about a duck ever... 🦆🦆🦆

Advertise your account with a gif

There's job vacancies everywhere I look. Make it make sense?

I'm getting way behind on my podcasts. I'm gonna have to binge at some point. I haven't even got time to binge. How do people find time to binge? Today's word of the day is "binge". I'm just waffling now...who likes waffles?

I've had this photo saved in my drafts for a couple of weeks. I thought that I'd share it this morning so there you go...

Half-time entertainment at Chorley Town at the weekend. Try and kick the football into a Currys washing machine. You win a microwave if you manage it! Non league football is wild! 😂

Full time. Wolves win 1-0. Very disappointing! Time to go to my mum's where she'll once again tell me that "it's only a game".

I haven't done any exercise since November & haven't put any weight on. I haven't had any crisps, chocolate or sweets for 3 months. I was taking to a mate about this & he tried a similar thing once & was miserable all of the time. Can you go without eating rubbish & be happy? I'm craving crisps!

0-0 half time. Game's being played in horrendous conditions. Pitch is shocking. I've got a funny feeling that the game is gonna open up in the 2nd half. #GTFC #WWFC #FACup

Grimsby Town v Wolves is kicking off at 13:30, live on TNT Sports if anybody is at a loose end this afternoon. Should be a good game! #GTFC #WWFC #FACup