This woman is the same woman as this woman

Okay we've hit saturation point with the Heated Rivalry guys. No one listens to me but WHAT IF they just disappeared until season two press?

I used to love when a phone call was for me, or I received a letter in the mail. Now, either of those things happen, total panic and disdain

Another thing about successful people--their haters never pound sand and cry, "I WAS WRONG. S/HE IS AWESOME, ACTUALLY!" The goal posts move. The "Kevin Sucks" group chat once Kevin's novel is on the best seller list becomes "Kevin Sucks and people will read ANY dumb piece of shit"

I've been lucky enough to know a handful of truly successful people. I can't detect too many commonalities among them but I know none of them went to an enrichment seminar. Generally speaking, any time it costs money to go to a hotel ballroom in the middle of the day, you're getting scammed

Is it too late to revise my best films of 2025 list to put A LITTLE PRAYER right on the top?? What a direct punch to the heart. You forget how good movies can be

I like how the half time show brings a whole new audience to a football game. They should do the same with other stuff. Maybe at the midpoint of the Tonys they should have drunk guys shoot cans off a fence post

Clients used to send me notes to write a press release or sales deck, and now I get AI versions for "a quick proof" and end up revising and rewriting 90% of it. It takes longer to untangle bad work than it does to wholly create new work.

Some girls just "WOOO!"'d at me from a moving car. It's because they know I'm fun!

Release day! Was the coolest experience writing libretto for these incredible opera nerds. Read those lyrics on the digital booklet or listen wherever you stream! idpl.lnk.to/3NhVh6

do they need some sort of inspector for the penis enlarging olympic doping scandal? 🫡

There should be an app we all download where if you and someone in the immediate vicinity are listening to the same song on your headphones it goes "baBEEP!" or whatever and you can give a little nod of recognition to your fellow Wilson Phillips listener

I wouldn't have to sit through so many bad movies if you could just buy hot popcorn at a store

I don't know how to designate a skeet as adult content but anyway, fair warning Blew off a meeting today to cozy up to a 50ish trim bisexual who confessed in afterglow that he made his living as a jazz pianist. YES VIRGINIA THERE IS A SANTA CLAUS

My boyfriend goes to bed earlier and wakes up earlier than me almost every night and this should be the law. I go to bed, it's all warm and calm with his gentle snoozin'. He wakes up early and I spend my last couple of sleep hours luxuriating and starfishing like a bed model

It's a small point but did Epstein not have a secretary or something? From what I've seen it's all "bill can come to the party but he won't be there if don is there bcuz they have drama... bring your 7 layer dip if u come -jeffrey epstein"

I'm friends with a couple raising a teenage son and when I went to their place for dinner and drinks, he joined us throughout. There was no retreating to TV or fortnight or whatever children do. It was great! I'm no parent but this is the way!

Brantley Gilbert and Gabby Barrett sound like the names I gave fake girlfriends in junior high. "Yeah brantley doesn't go to this school but she's sooo hot omg. I love gabby!"

If I see that Lady Gaga cover of Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood just one more time I'm going to rip my dressing gown to shreds

I love Joni Mitchell. She's expressed so much about love and loss and art, culture is indebted to her. But will someone PLEASE take away her golden hat

I like that they shot the guy who sings ORDINARY! up in the sky and we'll never hear from him again

How come I can't hear the dialogue in a movie in the theatre EVEN THOUGH IT'S THIS LOUD but I can hear a car alarm right now that is several blocks away? If my hearing is selective why can't I select cool stuff??

How can a person be famous for 50 years, star and costar in legendary blockbusters, cult classics, and comedy masterstrokes, be the best part of dozens of TV series, gamely pop up for anything, and it still doesn't feel like enough?

Gonna need someone pretty fucking awful to kick the bucket to balance this one out.

Weird how the printing press is considered our greatest technological innovation and yet I don't know a single person who has a printer that works

Shatner always looks like he's upset that you called 911 in the first place

I've been plugging along on a fiction piece as a creative exercise and I'm about 40k words deep but it's so bad that I'm afraid all three protagonists are gonna die a fire described in one paragraph

To be a little bit serious for a sec, if you think you're gay or bi and you have a wife TALK THAT OVER WITH YOUR WIFE! It is 2026, my guys!

Why is my default browser the worst one? I know it's easy enough to change but why would my computer do that to me? Shaking and crying rn

We're having casual friends over for a casual dinner and it's like I've never prepared a meal before. "DO WE HAVE ENOUGH PLATES? WHAT TIME IS GOOD FOR EATING MEALS? IS DESSERT GOOD FOR FRIENDS?"

I understand the sentiment behind turning a hero into a piece of art. A cartoon, a tattoo, etc. But especially when that person was not a public figure and so recently deceased, it seems disrespectful somehow. A private citizen 72 hours ago shouldn't be on your etsy t-shirt already

Four headliners!

Escaped the news by watching Two's Company all weekend. In this 70s britcom, Elaine Stritch is a brash expat living with a traditional English butler and she just yells at him. 5 stars. But it also has an all time terrible opening theme. You won't believe how bad it is youtu.be/8hJYJCGNK7k?...

At this point, it feels like bringing kids into this world is equivalent to running for office. The people who would probably be good at it are smart enough to avoid it completely

It's so weird to think that if maybe 5 guys in the world had been born with bigger penises, none of this would be happening

In a Clooney mood and need to get the awful taste of Jay Kelly out of my mouth. Do I watch Michael Clayton or Out Of Sight?

We all know the best way to solve the drama among those five gay guys is to bring in five gayer guys

Ariana Grande and Paul Mescal shouldn't be sad with no noms because they are famous and working so this won't make their careers. This gives them something more precious than gold which is underdog status! You can't buy that! I'm sure Laura Dern misses it!

I don't need or want to see him perish whenever his time comes. But... could we get footage of a slip and fall, maybe? A whiffle bat to the groin? Maybe he tries to make a speech and his pants fall down? Would do us a world of good if we could America's Funniest Home Videos that guy

Had a breezy, bro-y conversation at the lockers with a Gym Hunk today who, while we were talking, balled up the gym shorts he'd just taken off and... threw them in the garbage??

I remember seeing when Sinatra got some lifetime achievement award from the Grammy's in the 90's, his speech was rambling and incoherent enough that the orchestra played over him and they went to commercial. Weirdly they didn't make him president

Fame seems awful. Jennifer Lawrence is a great actress, makes good movies, charming in interviews, and yet every time I see her now I think, "Ugh. Her again?"

*opens new product, throws away instruction booklet* "F this!" *opens youtube, finds video of person reading product instructions verbatim* "Hell yeah!"

I'm a simple man. I like the satisfaction of walking long distances every day. But sometimes it is too cold or icy and walking is untenable. Treadmills are, unfortunately, too boring, for even me, a simple man. That's why I'm proposing a series of underground tunnels...

20 years laughing with this guy

We live parrallel to a busy street, which means we get a fair bit of secondary traffic and on a Friday or Saturday night, there's always a few cars idling along blasting hip hop at 3 AM. I understand. It's the weekend! You're with your friends! But just once I'd love to hear Antonio Carlos Jobim

You shouldn't stereotype. Nerdy guy down from me at this bar has his nose buried in a thick paperback I took to be "Realms of the Dragon" or "Knights of Dragonshire" or somesuch nonsense. But upon closer inspection it's a Jackie Collins book! It's Friday I'm in love!

I think a province or state or city's sports team should be exclusively comprised of people from that province or state or city. Minimum 5 years' residency. No tradesies. Want a better team? Grow better athletes

I get all self righteous and wounded when I'm ignored by a Hot on the apps but then I get a "Hey handsome" from someone I don't like and think, "Oh this motherfucker again"