As part of a publicity rollout for her new record, Madonna is all over my Grindr. This is an appropriate partnership because neither of us has had a hit in years!

Well I could have told you that!

You expect me to believe Artificial Intelligence can write papers, solve theorems, cure diseases, but can't click a box that says "I'm not a robot" and determine which picture has a sailboat in it? Sorry sweetie, I don't buy it

"Listen to this podcast wherever you get your podcasts" is the oddest prompt. Same with, "You can find this book wherever books are sold." How stupid do you think I am?

Boring take but best part of Hacks was the consistency throughout. An incredibly steady hand in terms of how the show was written, directed, and performed. Can't think of another example of a show that started good, stayed good, ended good

Saw a trailer last night where Brendan Fraser is readying troops for D-Day and that gay guy says, "It's supposed to rain." And Brendan Fraser screams, "IT HAD BETTER NOT!" It's a real movie!

Redownloaded Scruff after not using it for a decade and updating profile pics is a humiliating experience

What show has the most incongruous theme music? I think my pick is Sex & the City. Can you imagine pitching a show about sexy singles in New York then playing that weird mariachi number?

Any writers I know on here looking for work in the B2B space? Blend is 70% proposals; 30% B2B communications. 4 years of proposal writing experience. Good salary. Remote work (Canada only, sorry American friends). Great team. DM me for details!

Can we stop putting two fingers behind someone's head in a picture? Has that ever been funny? What was the first instance of it? Portraiture? LORD REGINALD: Goodness, I appear leporine! I don't recall having the two ears of a rabbit... why--why Lady Teaselton! You mock me! LADY T: Hahaha

(Peter O'Toole quiet rage voice) My God, but you people live only to squabble

New story day (and on an appropriate date, no less)! Enjoy my new flash, "Foreign Objects" www.typebarmagazine.com/foreign-obje...

Don't know anything about this guy but this is such a plainly stated (and correct) opinion. No hedging, no equivocating. Refreshing!

I have a little scab that won't heal from a cold that's right under my nose between my nostrils. Consequently, it looks like I constantly have a little booger that I'm too lazy or stupid to notice or remove. I must have angered God so much!!!!

This Bexit ass bitch has me looking at real estate in Saskatoon why don't I just drink out of a toilet

Introduce yourself with 10 bands/musicians that you've seen live Stacey Kent Julian Lage Sade Madonna Jackson Browne James Taylor Raul Midon Bonnie Raitt Feist Carly Rae Jepsen

Americans, is the phrase "a gong show" (typically used to describe an embarrassing mess) prevalent where you are, or is this a Canadian thing? I hate the phrase and wish we could do better than to reference a 50 year old terrible variety show

I think Colbert was so good at playing "Stephen Colbert" on Colbert Report, and he's mastered that stentorian, newscaster voice and is blandly handsome, that it's hard to see him as a real guy. It's like when Seth MacFarlane tries to sing. I want to buy in, I just can't!

This brief article about the quiet grief of adult friendship is so moving and lovely and worth 5 minutes of your time. This excerpt below really hit. timesofindia.indiatimes.com/blogs/civil-...

Just got back from karaoke with friends and this is perhaps the first time in my life I've understood that it really doesn't matter if you can't sing, it's just fun to try

Permanent soft spot for Travolta over here. Lost his son, lost his wife, probably gay as hell, let him wear whatever he wants

I'm 43 but my fitness tracker says my physical age is... 36

Guy panhandling outside my gym is literally wearing a tinfoil hat. Whoever is doing background casting of my life is getting lazy

The thing about Colbert is, Strangers With Candy was so fucking funny

Matched my barista's bitchy energy, now we're both in bad moods

I love the bus, I'll take it forever, but sometimes the bus I'm on approaches a stop where a bunch of losers are waiting and I think, "Oh forget about them, let's just go!"

sipping solemnly from my penis-shaped water bottle at the candle light vigil

Damn this is good www.currentaffairs.org/news/the-ban...

Sometimes the chin is so prominent that Pickles and I look like Waylon Flowers and Madam

Maybe I am naive, but is news just press releases now??! Nothing against press releases, I write them for a living, but I've starting collecting examples of press release journalism and it's... everywhere

Can some rich asshole combine the comfort of cruise ships with the convenience of air travel? Can we just make Big Planes? Wouldn't it be nice to travel on a Big Plane? Or even, hey, Big Train? Do I have to come up with every idea?

Sitting is the new smoking. Coughing is the new foreplay. Fratricide is the new little black dress.

Guys labelling their shirtless pics as Adult Content on here is a bit rich. "Oh! I know I'm not nude but I'm so hot that it might arouse you so I should put a label on it! You're welllllcoooome!"

A "surprise episode" of the Bear? Oh boy, what next? A fun new tax? A crazy random nosebleed? The world keep-a-spinnin'

The problem with unlimited streaming, instant access, the world in our phones is that we don't let ourselves be bored anymore. A mistake, I believe!

Scorched Earth Dave is my favourite Dave. "To hell with CBS. To hell with Skydance. To hell with the Winslow twins or whoever the hell these guys are."

This is the one. Go home everyone

If only Met Gala would have accepted my theme (oversize Tweety Bird nightshirt worn as a dress)

I hope the first human to live to 150 has already been born and I hope it's Lisa Kudrow so we can have three more seasons of The Comeback

Miami Vice is now streaming and the 2 part pilot is... a masterpiece?? I know we're all nostalgia junkies but goddamn! The music, cinematography, clothes, it's all excellent!

Made Ina Garten's panzanella salad for dinner last night and had incredibly fucked up dreams. Maybe all is not so rosy in that Hamptons compound of hers!

Kills me that as a young person I used to envy the straight people I knew for what I perceived as their easy, typical lives. Young gays, those straights will grow up to envy you for having friends, money, and as much sex as you want even if you have a face like a squash and a body to match

Devil Wears Prada 2 is perfectly okay but they pair Anne Hathaway off with this absolute bore of a LinkedIn profile faced man. It's like they pulled him off a prescription drug commercial and put him here

Weird!!! Anne Hathaway is older now than when she appeared in the first Devil Wears Prada film!

Booked into an office today to get a bunch of work done and it's right by a hotel full of hot flight attendants Grindr-ing on a layover (😉) and some IT guys booked the adjacent boardroom for an AGM and pizza party and invited me to have as much 'za as I wanted. I AM ONE OF GOD'S FAVOURED CREATURES!

Really chaps my ass when dudes like Joe Rogan and Bill Maher say we're too soft, anxiety isn't a real thing, men aren't men anymore. Yet these two have to smoke weed every day. They are so overwhelmed by their incredibly comfortable lives that they just gotta toke.

Saw a trailer last night where Brendan Fraser is readying troops for D-Day and that gay guy says, "It's supposed to rain." And Brendan Fraser screams, "IT HAD BETTER NOT!" It's a real movie!

We have to hear about this guy every goddamn day! Exhausting! It's like how in grade six a boy's mother died and the most popular girl in our class burst into tears because her grandmother had arthritis or something so all the cool kids comforted her! He's just like 6th grade Jessica!

I don't have ideas, follow through, skill, or a work ethic but at least I spend hours every day fantasizing about being rich as hell

Just reading about these influencer guys who break their own faces for new bone structures. I think I'm going to start telling people I intentionally slammed my face between some encyclopedias, get old Longface Jim here some gen z cred