#CreateANewFestival instead of just a hot dog eating contest at Nathan's, you gave to go to each window and get one of everything, corn, fries, clam sandwich, chow mein on a bun, knish . . .

#CreateANewFestival well, it ain't exactly new, but they were a lot of fun, and I think we should bring them back.

#WitchyDatingAdvice look for someone with a shared interest, like Pokemon.

#WitchyDatingAdvice when consorting with the non-witchy, break it to them with a smile and a laugh.

#WitchyDatingAdvice bring flowers.

#NowIGotNo reason to keep trying to convince the heathens that my deity is superior to theirs, because they made it abundantly clear in numerous painful ways I'd rather not describe, that they don't want to buy what I'm selling.

I used to be in denial, but I got over it and #NowIGotNo problems at all.

Don't get me wrong, #NowIGotNo problem with robots, but I do not like this robot

#NowIGotNo wife, no friends, no family, no snake.

#NowIGotNo living room window because somebody decided I needed an intervention.

#OftenHeardComplaints a new daycare center opened down the street and they're crushing us. We barely put out one can a week these days.

#OftenHeardComplaints not strange enough for me.

#OftenHeardComplaints it's creepy enough, but I wish it were a little more purple.

#OftenHeardComplaints I had to walk 20 miles in the blazing sun after a newt ate my horse.

What's #SoDisturbing? I think it's creative and whimsical.

More rabbits? Okay, yeah, it's more rabbits, but it's #SoDisturbing I couldn't not use it.

#SoDisturbing my ass. I make this look good!

A rabbit #SoDisturbing a slasher seems benign in comparison.

Once, only once, I saw a movie so #SoDisturbing that even I could not sit through the whole thing.

What's so #SoDisturbing is I'm sure I've seen those tats somewhere.

#SummerCampHorrors other kids

#SummerCampHorrors gypsy moth caterpillars, all over the place, on every tree, falling from the trees, if you touch them it stings.

#SummerCampHorrors skunks

#SummerCampHorrors Bees

#AnimateABandOrSong Iwerks Hard For the Money

#AnimateABandOrSong The Zombies #noeffort

#AnimateABandOrSong Teen Tightens Up

#IncludeTurnShoeUnited I play for Werewolves United. I think we can really turn it around this season. They made us wear shoes. We hate it. Makes us meaner

#IncludeTurnShoeUnited Shod in my new dancing shoes, I took a turn on the floor or two. The crowd first excited, Quickly united, Declaring the patter of my feet, Like runaway mules in the street.

#IncludeTurnShoeUnited Okay, that's a weird one, but fuck the United States, marry Tina Turner and kill Billy "White Shoes" Johnson (he knows why).

#IncludeTurnShoeUnited embarrassingly, I turned my ankle, broke a heel, and shouted, "fuck," just as I was about to greet the ambassador from the United Arab Emirates.

It's just me #InMyBookOfShadows, all alone and feeling blue.

I think some mischievous kids have been flipping through the pages #InMyBookOfShadows

#InMyBookOfShadows your mama made the appendix.

#InMyBookOfShadows have I got a deal for you, a bargain you can't resist.

#InMyBookOfShadows you're described as, "shady," and, "penumbral."

#InMyBookOfShadows there's only one in my book.

#FoundInTheUndergroundBunker human lips cannot form its true name, but you can call it, "Larry."

#FoundInTheUndergroundBunker cosmic cocoon

#FoundInTheUndergroundBunker the Door of Throm and other unpleasant discoveries

#FoundInTheUndergroundBunker opium smugglers of Venus.

#FoundInTheUndergroundBunker Martian Nazis, perennial foemen of straight-shooting space cowboys.

#IOnlyShakeHandsWhen I'm with your mama. She don't go for no mushy stuff before the main event.

#IOnlyShakeHandsWhen I have touched myself in an unclean manner without washing.

#WhyISurroundMyselfWithFools it doesn't take much to impress them.

#WhyISurroundMyselfWithFools they rush in.

#WhyISurroundMyselfWithFools it's Earth. What's to be done about it?

#IEnjoyTheSummerBy taking a sea trip.

#IEnjoyTheSummerBy swimming and walking on the beach.

#IEnjoyTheSummerBy eating more ice cream, sometimes from the neighborhood truck if I hear it stop and have enough clothes on.