[Foucault] Is it surprising that prisons resemble factories, schools, barracks, hospitals, which all resemble prisons? [girl eating hot fries in class] No because I been sayin, like

Be president. Do crimes.

There’s a lot of misinformation in the watching-paint-dry community

My PCP is Dr. Reddit

(Looking at the cumulative effects of nearly 100 years of bipartisan policy decisions) Fucking Trumpism…

Homophobic dad: Oh you like being GAY? How about you fuck this whole CARTON of men

Me as a 16th century pilgrim: I know I said I’d come to your homestead in the New World this weekend but I’m actually really busy practicing my candlelight shadow puppets right now :/

82 year old millennial: 69! Aahaheeheeee! Remember that? 6 year old granddaughter: we’re going to euthanize you grandpa

The title “Private Prison Executive” might be the thing that finally turns me into a maoist

It sucks that you really can’t even reference things you see online anymore because you can never be sure whatever you saw wasn’t hyper tailored to your particular consumer profile

Just occurred to me that Elon Musk basically killed “memes” as a cultural product now that Twitter has officially become Gab 2

One of the UFO videos they released is actually just my ginormous ass

On X, the everything app, Grok will talk dirty to you for a small fee

You should know I'm not fascinated by the keys you're jingling in front of me because I'm a baby. It's intellectual for me. I'm contemplating the nature of the keys

“I’m such a wonk” yeah, wonking off!!!

Party being gerrymandered out of existence: Vote!

AwOOOOga humina humina humina (smashing head with a hammer)

Soon we will answer the age old Civil War question: What if the Union was pussy?

“I’m sapiosexual.” I’m sapiogonnakickyourass

Oh I’m sorry, you’re “introverted?” Grow the fuck up and make some small talk like an adult

(Types ‘80085’ into a calculator and turns if upside down) Oh my god... Oh my god. This is so scary. The calculator is talking to me

I love my nutrient rich microplastics

Unlike other scams, my scam is NOT a scam. Want to learn how to scam like me? Subscribe to my Supreme Scammers Master Course now and use promo code NOTASCAM to get 10% off your purchase

MY PANTS HAVE JUST ANNOUNCED THAT THEY ARE FULLY FREE OF POOP AND READY TO BE FULLY WORN. THANK YOU!

“Our brave warfighters are DONE with the SISSY BULLSHIT. And that includes eating FOOD”

The Antichrist. People are talking about him more and more. The bringer of chaos and despair-a lot of people say he’s no good! And then you have others who say he’s not such a bad guy-you know-the Antichrist. He’s got ALOTTA charisma. But we’ll be watching him very closely & I wish him all the best

i feel bad for our country but this is tremendous content

I have done my best not to learn anything about the Swalwell stuff and I’m sure he’s a scumbag but it’s funny to me that the president is a credibly accused child rapist and maybe child murderer and Swalwell is still resigning for whatever he did

Current status of the Strait of Hormuz dispute

Normalization has been normalized

Basically the kids we all knew growing up who lied about their uncles owning Disney World run the country now

“You just don’t understand his negotiating tactics. You’re watching a master at work”

(To the raving lunatic holding me hostage) lol. you’ll never stab me taco. folding taco pussy coward

(Carefully aiming a hammer at my own balls) can’t wait to blame this on the left

(Speed dating) I’m an influencer for pissing your pants

(Through tears, in those most traumatic moment of my life) God I hope (sobs) I hope this gets a lot of views (clicks camera tripod on)

Me (dead): I had a 1:500 follower count ratio God: wow (slapping forehead) Wow. Let me suck your dick

I hate when you’re going to take a piss and you can’t find your dick so you have to open the hatch in your taint to crawl in and look for it

Tactically pooping my britches

All my friends and family love how decisively I shit my pants

(Blast wave quickly rushing up behind me) Trust the plan

Societal Enslopification

It is very important for self-care to simply put your face in your hands and scream while you’re at work

There's no reason for Iran to attack NATO nation Turkey—but a drone did. Iran denies sending it. There's no reason for Iran to attack a UK base in Cyprus—but a drone did. Iran denies sending it. Now Azerbaijan has been attacked. Iran denies involvement. I think this is Israel.

OpenAI and…the United States Military…are teaming up to notify YOU that your son has been KILLED IN ACTION. Click here to speak with your son via AI one last time

Patriot /ˈpātrēət/ (n./slur) Term used to describe someone of submental intelligence. Similar: Moron, idiot

President at all time disapproval levels embroiled in a child rape scandal unilaterally raises energy costs for the entirety of his polity. Only way is up from here!

Democrats: Well obviously I hate the means. …but these ends…

Doing national socialism without any of the token socialist policies because you’re too dumb and lazy. That’s the Trump admin

Two things cannot be true actually. Only one thing at a time has ever been true