Every day now it’s some new thing that 10 years ago would have been unthinkable. this is not a pendulum to be endured until it swings back to something more decent. This is a crisis.

Maybe the real Risk®️ was the friends we lost along the way

“We understand your concerns about mass surveillance. Future ads will try to be less obvious about that part. Rest assured, we have addressed the biggest problem: a lack of cats.” www.nytimes.com/2026/02/19/b...

If I can be really … grim for a moment: I just sorta need this out there. (Thread) About a decade ago, my dad fractured his pelvis when a horse started bucking. long story VERY short, I held his hand as the doctor released the pressure suit and we waited to see if he was going to die. (He didn’t.)

Fantasy novel idea: this cycle repeats daily… - the monster king terrorizes the village - village lawyers confirm it is illegal, what he did - monster king shrugs - ah well it’s nighttime now, villagers don’t have time to press the issue because tomorrow… - the monster king terrorizes the village

You’re going to hear a lot of people in your life tell you that it’s cool and good to break your neck but I respectfully disagree

I went sledding today, and uh… it did not go well. leviweaver.medium.com/i-kept-makin...

when I die, I hope I I do it with half that level of bravery

I guess I did sort of expect to be doing this much seething in 2026, but I still don’t enjoy it

Phone call: “I was gonna say enjoy the rest of your day, but … it’s 2026…” Me: “May you find a modicum of joy, or — failing that — peace in what remains of this day.”

Oh hey I forgot to post my “discovered in 2025“ playlist. They’re not all new, just new (probably) to me music.apple.com/us/playlist/...

If you wanna start your 2026 the right way, set your clock and start John Cage’s ASLSP sometime in the year 1387

Stranger Things new episodes spoiler: Revenge Karen looks like peak Ric Flair

you were there in the corner saying cheers as a prayer a request, a beseech call it manifesting if that’s what makes sense to you & yours grant us a little light to point the way a little hope to lift our feet cheers as in: may they get here soon may they get here soon may they get here soon cheers

Booking a vision exam, should I check yes to indicate that i do in fact have “blood”

“Ok we gotta rebrand. People are saying we’re targeting kids with these candy cigarettes. Who’s got a suggestion?” [man-who-believes-cancel-culture-is-real’s hand shoots up so fast] “So really, if you think about it.. WE are the r—“ “Way ahead of you, Bill.”

this will be the first year I don’t have a Spotify wrapped; haven’t opened the app in months. Riley does a good job of listing all the reasons why

Finally got a chance to watch @electrolemon.bsky.social’s special on Dropout and it is legitimately the best stand-up special I’ve seen in years

The international date line is so wild. I woke up on Thursday morning at 11:00 am Wednesday. My flight leaves at 9:15pm Thursday and lands at 3:45pm on that same Thursday. This is a normal thing that everyone understands, but it‘s a brain-shaker to live a 37-hour day.

Ok I am done with this farce I am going to stop pretending the way we all say “kilometers” is in any way logical or defensible

I flew 13.5 hours then another 3 hours, then took 2.5 hours to get through customs and to the rental car place and what’s the first thing I did when I got in my car in Auckland, New Zealand?

My favorite part of this video is the little kid behind home plate who has clearly never heard of Pee-wee Herman, and he gives exactly the correct response (“uhhh, whaaaaat?!”)

This was my Halloween costume. George “Pee-wee” Herman Ruth. I’m not sorry and I’m too old to be embarrassed.

Everyone is really uncomfortable with my Pee-wee Herman costume and impersonation, which I think means I’m killing it, probably

Ok I have a theory

Decided to scroll through HBO‘s documentaries and discovered that there are literally well over 100 shark-themed options. I feel like we, as a society, should need like… three. Three seems like sufficient number of shark documentaries.

RIP Ace Frehley, sorry when I was 14 I thought Weezer was name-checking Friz Freling instead of you in that song about the garage. I was homeschooled, which I guess explains it

Sir this stratagem has completely failed. I believe we should try the exact opposite. “Very well. It’s time for MEGATARTS”

Southwest airlines announcing assigned seating in a commercial where people are losing their minds, all happy about it, tells me they do not understand their loyal customer base (me) who has a SYSTEM, and it’s being TAKEN from me

Attempting to predict the next Very Dumb Thing scientists are begrudgingly forced to say publicly: “please stop drinking motor oil. it will not ’make your toots sound like a hemi,’ it will make you very sick.”

It finally happened: I got an Amber Alert while I was driving, through my CarPlay. I touched it, just to see how that would work. Siri read these words to me: “Amber Alert” (five-second pause) “Amber Alert” And then it was done. It had fulfilled its purpose. Transaction over.

two things about “train in vain” by the clash. 1. The lyrics are “you didn’t stand by me / no not at all,” NOT — as I previously thought — “you better stand by me / or not at all” 2. It didn’t occur to me until today that my misunderstood lyrics are PRETTY THREATENING, actually

the “b” and “d” in “backward” are really just there as an example

Wait wait wait So the guy who has never once even begun to comprehend nuance on any single topic, ever has decided that we need to be hearing both sides on *slavery* sure

In related news, look for my new car company “Complete Engine Failure,” which comes with a complimentary bottle of “My Family Left Me” Vodka.

One of my bleakest wins: introducing @bwd.bsky.social to “15 million merits” (Black Mirror) under the auspices of “this is the episode of television that broke me”

When you strip away humanity

I have no interest in 28 Years Later or horror movies in general but this song from the trailer absolutely rips. open.spotify.com/track/2VnoAy...

If you have not recently been made to inventory the entire contents of your stomach, two observations: 1. There was a lot more in there than I remembered 2. I don’t recommend food poisoning, 0 stars, don’t do it

Sorry to delete and repost on the other account but it’s right there in the name: no sports on this account!!!!!

A few months ago I bought tickets to see Röyksopp Then I learned it was a DJ set (ok sure) And today I learned that it’s a “day party” that started at 3pm, which is how I ended up in da club at 3:30pm on a Sunday. I’m 45

Just heard Amy Grant’s “Baby, Baby” in the wild, in the year of our Lord 20 and 25, at Honda cars of Rockwall, Texas.

Spelling Bee doesn’t know ball, paleo, or Risk™️

One of the funniest things to me about natural selection is: for tens of thousands of years, one gene laid dormant in dogs. Then one day the car was invented, with a window they could stick their head out of at 60mph The prophesy was fulfilled

You really gotta hand it to Elon. He may have bought an election, illegally decimated government infrastructure from the inside like a parasite, grifted the system, blown up a bunch of rockets & fathered an obscene number of illegitimate children, but at least he lost billions to make Twitter better

Every article about music these days has a headline like “Rock Legend says new album is their best yet” or “iconic frontman reveals drama from 10 years ago” like, just say the band!! I’m not going to encourage this by clicking on your dumb link!!

“Never count your chickens before they hatch.” Schrödinger: “Ok well here’s the thing…”

Oh what have we done? It was the year that the world Was gonna end in a flood or fire Hey wouldnt it be some fun To catch a warlord who sucks Through the power of love (& Facebook) Beat Kony up! I’monna post on Twitter we should Beat Kony up! We’re gonna make some campaign posters Wait hold up wh

I have listened to this song about 20x since I posted this. I listen to Aesop Rock manipulate words in a similar awe with which I watch a pitcher throw triple-digit fastballs: “I wonder what it would feel like to be able to do that.” genius.com/Aesop-rock-c...

someone who is good at the economy please help me budget this. my country is dying