Must be Wednesday

Imagine losing your job AND catching a federal charge because you stole a funky ass $150 gift card out of my mailbox…. Like wtf 😂

My auntie was sleeping with a married man for years and the wife finally saw her riding down 7 mile and repeatedly rear ended her with 3 of my cousins in the car. My grandma said “why you fucking a married man?” 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

All I’m saying is everybody wanna play like they’re crazy until people who are *actually* crazy enter the chat 😂

……….I’m not saying I woulda did it……. I’m just saying I understand the wife

I’m still dreaming about this meal

Delta has become so shitty since the pandemic

Getting diagnosed with tendinitis and carpal tunnel at 29 was soooooo on brand for me 😭

I used to run track and I was actually good at that shit. My body can only afford to run my mouth these days 😂😂😂

Yes. I’d probably die shortly after but yes.

Packing for this trip has shown me just how much I wear the color black 😞

Think I’m finally sad enough to do my yearly Grey’s rewatch

I be like “can I hold your gun? 😍” 😂😂😂😂

Lord if you give me a consistent sleep schedule I promise I’ll stop calling people bitches

Why do British people pronounce Uno like “you know” 😭

You’re killing me, Petey…. You’re KILLING ME!

This is a grapefruit hate account.

I only understand math in the context of money.

How much yall wanna bet he enjoys getting his pickle licked

I get way too invested in books 😂😂

Bc how you fucking the head chef at the restaurant you and your ex-wife own together???

Don’t Wish Me Well

40 years ago today - September 23, 1985 - release of the single "Party All The Time" from Eddie Murphy. If you are not familiar it was not a comedy record. No wait. It WAS a comedy record.

Not yall stealing skeets

I’m really glad I got all that young, dumb shit out of my system in my 20s. Ppl be too damn old to act the way they do!

You can print your manuscript to resemble a book and you can self-publish at Barnes & Noble.

My GA Power bill is $900 for this shit???

Wow?

I simply can’t imagine touching the hem of death’s garment to bring a 10-lb child into the world only to find out my baby daddy is, been, and will continue to be dick for the community in its entirety.

They 100% think they own them.

Man fuck nah

Whenever I up my dream Porsche her name will be Peppa

first car = Gold Honda Accord named Honey second car = Green Toyota Camry named the Groupie Hooptie third car = Black Chevy Malibu named Spade

some of yall not knowing there’s a whole book and movie series about being left behind after the rapture lets me know we weren’t raised the same 😭😭😭

God knows how he made me

That’s why I either ignore it or isolate myself because I am not wrapped too tight.

and they only dated idiots

Because they are significantly worse 😭😭😭

If so, we got left behind like shit.

Touch down bitch

My brother is so ugly omg

I listened to song on a loop for 3 years 🥺

I have earned every bit of this paycheck today oh my fuck

This is a great idea.

I want to throw an adult book fair.

Terri Joseph’s husband

Ok but somebody needs to do a study on why these kinds of shoes never hurt when you try them on in the store…

And it’s ALWAYS the ones who approach you first. My nigga in Christ you coulda left me ALONE.

Crissle was so nasty about Cardi. i think its safe to say most of us side eyed Cardi but ultimately came to the conclusion of “ok girl”. idk why Crissle was so disrespectful.