I CAN'T REMEMBER CRYING SINCE LAN ZHAN WAS IN MY LIFE THIS TIME AROUND

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck God really delivered on my Lan Zhan o.o

When u just put yourself up on Jupiter for a day or two because you need a vacation and can't afford to go to Puerto Rico

Mainstream life? NO STAY AWAY *beats it away with an umbrella*

I did not watch the Oscars and there is only one mention of the Oscars on my entire skyline and good I have done a great job of filtering out noise

Lol when the trans girlies on here forget you're not cis, either and want to trans you BESTIE WHAT IM ALREADY TRANS

I have "half woman" somewhere in the gender soup that is my gender

Waiting for the painkillers to kick in

Why did I get a straight up Mo Xuanyu life this time around with *him as an alter* poor thing had to go through abuse *twice*

"This world sucks." "Dude, Mo Dao Zu Shi sucked for us too." "......w- you're right"

I will never be so loved as I am by fellow Filipinos.

I want some of Dad's pancit

My mind needed to go into a safe space. If that's Chinatown, so be it

Am broke and had to pull from the savings account I hate doing that it makes my financial anxiety worse

It's warmer and foggy out I might take a morning walk just because

No I'm not taking the Mucinex for cough I'm taking it for *pain* because it has a morphinic in it asffhjikkjhggddsaasdghh maybe if the drs took my pain seriously I wouldn't have to but the medical system is a *abject failure* for people like me

No appendix surgery in my future it was something else that went away it is a mystery™ and I don't have enough energy to care about what it was

Having an explanation and a person to blame is great except he's *dead* and I can't mash him to smithereens for ruining, like, my existence so all this anger and sadness has nowhere to go

Because my intestines have a habit of getting cramped and twisted like they're being twirled on a fork like spaghetti I am skeptical this won't just go away and remain a mystery™

Can someone do this for Peanut?

Idk if this is "infected appendix" or "gas" or "hernia" or Updates once I figure out what the hell is going on (urgent care isn't open right now)

I seriously thought I was going to have to have my appendix removed, updates forthcoming

I carry around a first aid kit and Narcan just so I can be ready in case I need to provide medic services Haven't had to use either yet, but at least I know I can be of use

Yes, all the heat please I hôrt

I've been in so much agony I just kinda forgot I had a life

Yay I'm big on Tiktok. I also haven't *done* Tiktok in like a month because I just have been depressed go figure and I kind of forgot I was successful

I live in a "safe" state for trans ppl but it's *not* safe for people with mental illness and unfortunately people look at my mental health *first* that's why I've got to get to Oregon

I *knew* the Year of the Fire Horse would see some changes on the world stage, but I was not prepared for this

No because *absolutely* I am dissociating far enough to *give no fucks* I am miserable and I want to be the old crazy-funny & chill me, that is the me before 45/47 and his Nazi goons ruined the world

I am in so much fucking pain and the only thing I can do is take another mucus relief pill (it has a morphinic in it)

I wish I had substantial food...

My sinuses are blowing tf up and I swear I am just starting to relax from being woken up at 3:45 am 🫠 why this woman won't let me sleep is fuck all beyond me

I can't go to the gym this morning because not enough money for Uber and my e scooter didn't charge in the cold I don't understand why this suburb is a transit desert but it is

It's 4:20 in the morning and I miss Jiang Cheng

My heart is slowly hardening the more distant my husband is even though he's explained it and reassured me. I'm just so used to being abandoned it's finding ways to "live without" him

Think I could use more cannabinoid oil...

It is now time to wake up so I have been indeed up all night and already texted Lan Zhan good morning I feel bad about last night's spiral. But at least it was done on the safety of my own account and not somewhere where it could cause trouble

On disability and already struggling and *my abuser won't let me work* and *won't give me any financial help* and *charges me rent* and *forces me to work around the house too and do the shopping and pick up her meds* while *she lays in bed* That's financial abuse. On top of slavery

I feel so, so weird knowing what DARVO is now. So many things that confused me as a survivor now make sense.

Guilt complex is really LOUD this morning

Do I deserve a break? I probably won't get much of one anyway it's just fitting

Fuck I just took 90mg of CBD/CBN/etc Excuse me while I feel really good because I suffer nearly 24/7 I deserve a break at least once in awhile

It's enough to live for my meager Tiktok success at least for the time being. It's not hurting anything or anyone so it's morally neutral and it's a reason to wake up in the morning and something to do at least.

I wish I was loved. Like, seriously. My whole reason I didn't unalive the body tonight (besides the fact my alter would have stopped me) was I thought just starting to be successful on Tiktok was a good enough reason to live. But I still don't feel loved, and, I wonder what it'll take to change that

Hewwo new followers!!!!! I am a plural system, fictionkin of Wei Wuxian and Mo Xuanyu (separate alters), and a cosplay actor for YouTube and TikTok as Yiling Laozu Wuxian also does the voice! Remember peep the bio, and all my links can be found on my Linktree: linktr.ee/wei.ying

I wish I had someone to call in the middle of my spiraling Can't call Lan Zhan because he's not good at that sort of thing and has actually told me so but there's literally nobody else to call?!

Decay is an extant form of life

Nobody ever wanted me anyway... Not even my own family. 🫠 It's time to 🫠 Yes I know I'm a system- I'm currently facing my alter who is telling me I'm never alone because I have him Let me wallow in self pity No? Bleh

I deserve to d*e. I'm sure many of you would agree Well, fuck me then. I'm sure I have less than 5 years left due to broken heart syndrome anyway so