The Lyft driver put on Taylor Swift when I got in…. Humiliating

I feel like I have lived a million lifetimes since that movie with two Paul Rudds came out

Glycerine is the Hey Jude of my generation

I have played this in the car on my way to and from work for weeks, it’s my “if it sucks hit the bricks” theme song youtu.be/PgL6DLmPfhk?...

Me again if I have to live in a christofacist state then give me Good Friday off

I’m a joyless harpy today deleting every stupid fucking marketing joke shoved into my already bloated and overwhelming email inbox

dude it sucks to be besieged by the devil from all sides

Sick as a fucking dog doing life hacking meal planning by ordering a grotesque amount of Olive Garden takeout slop to keep me alive another few days through the power of homogenized carbohydrates

Getting sick before the opioid epidemic was great cause they’d prescribe you a gallon of lean cough syrup with a refill and you could take it and go to work

Had to go check myself and yeah I have done it again exactly two years from my last hedonism bender week off I am once again Afflicted

Searching the Calm app for “meditation to survive going back to work after my first week off in two years and I have 307 emails” isn’t working for me

I know it’s easy to fall into despair and think we’re in the stupidest time in history but the thing is it’s been this stupid for a long time because this is almost 20 years old and this cost $20 million and people went to see it in the theaters. We’ve been the frog boiling in the pot for a while

You can just get in your car and go places

In the mirror: Stop buying Fashion Brand Company dresses! you don’t have anywhere to wear them!!! Your friends are always scared you’ll show up in one and they’re too nice to say anything!!

too old to participate in Warped Tour discourse

Never tell me about your “outside cats”

I have spent an ungodly amount of money on Girl Scout cookies and have gifted every single box BUT my last huge order was to share in the office so I’m gonna eat myself sick tomorrow trying one of every kind

Right now after a strong margarita made at home I am acutely feeling the pain of having a walkable dive bar near my house but I will not go there because it’s so deeply maga 😭 I would love to crush a bucket of bud heavy and a basket of tots right now but I’m morally opposed

Everyone pretty quickly forgot about James Van Der Beek’s staunchly anti vaccine Covid conspiracy wife huh

Every time I see a single photo of a popular cosplayer these days I feel like what a Victorian child would feel like if someone fed them a sour patch kid

I’m so fucking tired and still I’m going to a public meeting on wastewater and data centers tonight because now more than ever it has to be you

Sorry I was brusque with you in that meeting it’s just that I recently washed my pants and am wearing them for the first time since I washed them and therefore am suffering

@skatunenetwork.bsky.social found you in Indianapolis!!

DS9 is depressing because Kira Nerys fought like hell for liberation and after she got it she still had to go to a fucking office job

Looking up directions to the American Football house from my government issued computer cause what will they find out about me from that, that I’m old and boring

Holy shit we are really deep in the 2000s revival because grimes is doing this dumb ass twee adventure shit again

Me and @ghidorah.bsky.social gonna do a fast and furious heist on this

December 28 and we went on a walk because it was a record high of 67 degrees. We are now bracing for impact from a line of severe thunderstorms. We can swim any day in November

Man all the kids in my life eat only the kind of food you feed an old dog before you put it to sleep and it’s really hard to watch

Found a cool local Indycar adjacent restaurant and told cam hey we should go for your birthday in April! Then I said no we should go this weekend because we should do what we want and not wait for arbitrary days to enjoy things!!!

People who refuse to use TikTok and then send me an instagram reel please be so fucking for real like it’s in any way different

I broke my leg in half and toughed it out but I have a cold now and am existentially miserable!! Extremely high pain tolerance makes for a markedly low discomfort tolerance

My favorite part of watching Supernatural for the first time in 2025 is that eyebrows work and I can tell the actors apart

I had a charming service-minded young woman in my office the other day as we talked frankly about work. She said she was looking for a mentor and asked me how I learned my management style. I told her I kinda operate under radical honesty but in silently my mind I worry if I’m Reigen Arataka

I got a tattoo on the back of my knee but still can’t bring myself to book that IUD

Every time I walk into a public bathroom I’m reminded that I live very differently than so many people

I’m seeing the Beths tomorrow in Nashville and am getting teary eyed just listening to the setlist, i should start hydrating now

When I want to watch brainless TV I turn on Seeking Sister Wife where a bunch of obnoxious people “practicing” polygamy repeatedly go out to restaurants to introduce their wives to unsuspecting service workers

I couldn’t remember the phrase sovereign citizen and described it as “someone who decides they are the mayor of their own life”

I saw my orthopedic surgeon for the last time today and I cried and we hugged. He told me that I was one of his most memorable patients for my attitude and my grit through all this and he hopes I keep doing crazy stuff like parkour for the rest of my life 🥹

I want my own thing to go nuts about!!

Respectfully!!!!!

Me purchasing only a diet pop at the gas station and no snacks: reverent, holy, healthy Me two hours into the road trip with only a diet pop: foolish, ignorant, loser

When you’re at a show and the band says they want a frozen margarita you get your ass to the bar and you get that band a frozen margarita!! And you tip the bartender!!!

Is there a way I can respectfully watch Robert Irwin on Dancing with the Stars without having to see any of the other bozos and losers on there and just only Robert Irwin. Respectfully. Thanks

Man I was absolutely certain that LMFAO was going to reunite for Coachella and it was going to turn things around for all of us

Just watched a young man check for the gun in his waistband before entering a Crumbl Cookie in a sleepy Indianapolis suburb we are so cooked fam

If Patti Harrison would go on Taskmaster it would give us all something to live for for just a little while longer

Now’s as good a time as any to mention that Franz Ferdinand put an album out this year and it’s really good

Y’all are way too comfortable wearing custom print polyester clothing because that does not breathe and I’m behind you at shows and can confirm you need to wear breathable fabrics