I just want to get through these next two weeks until my wife gets paid again, and im hoping to have our trip to see my family in a few months all planned early enough so if we need to make any changes or adjustments ahead of time and not last minute like the last few trips we took

Writing a letter which is a final call for help because I have reached my wits end, my limit, and am just broken. docs.google.com/document/d/1... #MutualAid I guess, but no matter the good it'd do I don't really have it in me to optimize the tags even though I ought to.

I no longer believe that this year is going to be any different from last year

AYYYYYY

One of my goals for this new year is to live in the moment more, which means not being online as much when I’m out and about with my wife, and just capturing moments that are just for us and no one else

So one of the gifts my wife and i got was a blender (which is something that we genuinely wanted because we’ll probably get a lot of use out of it) and I’ve been spending some time looking up good blended coffee drink recipes 🤣

I’m trying to remain as positive as i can but with everything going on right now it’s so hard, I’m trying to plan a future for my wife and i, I’m trying to set realistic goals for myself, and with the headspace I’m in it’s not going like i want it to and it’s frustrating 😮‍💨

I feel like I’m going to lose everything and idk how to stop it, I’m at my wits end 😭

I officially hate the holidays

Insomnia has been such a bitch lately, I’ve cut out caffeine before bed, I pick a playlist to fall asleep to and now nothing seems to be working, I’m so frustrated because I have things to do and I don’t like doing them when I’m tired and cranky 🫠😭

This Thanksgiving wasn’t what I wanted it to be, I wanted to be back with my family to see them, I didn’t stream like I wanted to, I also didn’t get to do what I wanted to do for the dessert I’m planning on taking to Thanksgiving at my wife’s family’s house tomorrow

The holiday season is always a rough time for me for multiple reasons, but this year I think it will be a little bit lighter for me, I have a wonderful wife, a dog, a new apartment, amazing friends, and a family that loves and supports me, im just feeling a bit more grateful this year 💛

I’m tired, physically, mentally, and emotionally, it seems like no matter what I say or do it turns into something that it doesn’t need to, I’m tired of fighting everything, everyone all the time, I just don’t know how much fight I have left in me before I just become a doormat again

So I’m coming to the realization that my wife and I will have been married for a year this coming weekend, and have to say that’s been the best year of my life, i love you so much @rbree2.bsky.social I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you, Together forever, for the rest of eternity 🥹💛

So I’ve been really thinking about getting officially diagnosed for ADHD, depression, and anxiety but I also worry about what the possibility of me having kids will/would look like once I started medication for all of it, and the thought of not being able to have kids has made me really sad

I’m genuinely about to just walk away from everything, I can’t do this anymore,there was a lot of things I was looking forward to but I more than likely won’t be able to do them (1/?)

So today was supposed to be the day that we were going to have our wedding, and because we aren’t having our wedding ceremony today, I more than likely will be super emotional and just flat out frustrated, angry and sad so if anyone sees me and I seem off… you know why 🫠

I love Halloween so much, and I’m looking forward to celebrating it with my wife, my dog, and my friends!

So i recently have in “let’s plan a wedding ceremony” mindset again so i can have things done and ready for next year for my wife and i but i really would like professional help from a professional wedding planner so i dont have to push things back ANOTHER year 🫠

I love my job so much but when the season ends yes I’ll be sad, but I’m also going to be catching up on so much sleep that I’ve missed and the backlog of content I also missed 🤣

I had all these fun fall/halloween themed things planned for my wife and I but like I’ve been busy with work and after work I’m tired so I just end up not wanting to do anything and it makes me sad, and it breaks my heart that yet again I can’t do anything that I planned this year

So I woke up feeling nauseous and I have work today, so I’m going to try and get some sleep and see if that helps because I can’t afford to miss work this week after being late on Monday 🫠

I hate when I make plans with friends because I just have to hope and pray that nothing goes wrong before the day and the DAY of said plans are supposed to happen and then if something goes wrong I have to make up a last minute pivot and then I get frustrated because the plans are all messed up 😵‍💫🫠

I didn’t have a good day for many reasons but the main one being: Today is my dads birthday, and I couldn’t be there to celebrate it with him, and I tried to keep my emotions at work hidden, hell i didn’t even say anything to my wife about it

If earlier this morning is an indication of today will probably go… it’s going to be a long day 🫠

Sooooo I think with everything going on irl, I’m just not really going to be able to participate in inktober BUT I’ll post on the days I have time to sit and draw something

So it turns out my wife has Halloween off and now I have to figure out what she and i can do with our dog, we want to walk him around on Halloween night but I want us to do some fun things during the day time too so planning that out will be fun 🫠

I just want ONE thing to go right this week please 😮‍💨

Going live with Graveyard Keeper in about 20 mins and have no idea what to expect :D twitch.tv/aciddotexe

So I have to change plans for November I guess 🫠

So I had a rough start to my work week yesterday, I had to walk to work in a downpour, my coat was in my wife’s car so the shirts I wore got super wet, had to go into a Ross, buy a new shirt, some towels to ring my hair out, and a brush, had to run into Safeway to change

I’m not really contributing to my marriage, if anything I’m dragging my wife down, my job is seasonal, and it’s almost October, after Halloween (unless they have me help with tear down) my job is done until next year, and if I’m being honest seasonal work is all I can handle, physically,

So while I walk around during my shift at work one thought constantly pops into my head and it’s always the same question over and over but worded differently every time: “Why do people like me?”, “why do people want to be in my life in any capacity?”

So I’m trying to figure out what shoes to get because i need some new shoes before the Halloween season at my job REALLY kicks off so do i get Doc Martens or Converse (specifically Chuck Taylors)?

So I’m thinking about inviting my grandma and grandpa, and my aunt, uncle and their kids out to celebrate our wedding anniversary in November but idk if they’ll want to see us, much less celebrate, I just want them to come see us for once instead of us having to go out of our way to see them 🫠

So I’m certain I didn’t sleep well last night because I woke up this morning, made my wife her coffee before she left for work, and as I was doing so, I was falling asleep on my feet, this happened a few weeks ago too at work, so idk if I just need to do a sleep schedule reset or what?

There are things that I want to do but can’t because rent took most of our money, we have less than 100 dollars in our account to get us through until Friday, my wife and I can’t celebrate our dogs birthday on the actual day, we can’t even celebrate our anniversary, and it sucks 😭

Ngl, depression is hitting really hard tonight

I’m sick of things not going right, I’m sick of fighting with people, I’m constantly frustrated, I’m not happy, I need change of scenery, I’m mad I can’t be with my family for this years holiday season,

Ngl I’m feeling pretty numb at the moment, i genuinely hate how I look, my dysphoria is so bad, i wish I didn’t look so “girly” all the time, I wish i could present more masculine sometimes but clothes shopping is so hard because of so many different factors, i wish I didn’t feel like this 🥺😭

It's taken forever, I still haven't 112% Hollow Knight, and I'm still not sure this game even exists. SILKSONG TIME www.twitch.tv/monran

I’m in a place mentally where I know I’m not doing well, but i feel like I HAVE to act like i am, i know it’s okay to just let myself fall apart when i need to but right now I feel like I need to be strong enough to just push through and hope that things continue to get better

So I’m looking for a new place for my wife and I to live after this lease is up in July next year, and don’t get me wrong I like this apartment but I’m really missing my home state.

I’ve seen so many people spreading the misinformation that PBS is shut down or is shutting down. The Corporation for Public Broadcasting has been shut down and PBS has been defunded. HOWEVER!!! PBS still exists. It is more important now than ever that you donate to PBS if you can.

So internally I’m crashing out, like my wife and I have to be packed and out of our current apartment by 10am and we have the bedroom left, and the outside closet left to do, just please let us get this new apartment so we can get moved in and not have to worry about if we’ll be homeless or not 🥺😭

So it’s looking like my wife and I have run out of time to keep our current apartment, and we need to find a place to stay temporarily until we can get into a new apartment and even with both of us working right now we still don’t have the to live in a hotel until we get a new apartment

So I think I’ve hit the point in this situation where I have kinda lost hope that we’ll make it in time for us to pay our rent, get groceries, and get our dog to vet for a shot he needs before the month is over, while I have started my job, I don’t think we’ll get

I’m usually not one to double post but if there’s anyway you can help my wife and I out so we can at least put gas in our car and get groceries for the next week or so please read this and donate if you can: gofund.me/25d486de

I feel like things are falling apart at a VERY FAST pace, like my wife tried to gas up our car on the way into work and we couldn’t because we don’t have the money, I don’t start my job until this upcoming Wednesday, and I have felt like my body is falling apart for months and I have no idea why

I’d like to take this opportunity to say Happy anniversary to my beautiful wife @rbree2.bsky.social , I know that we are currently going through a really tough time but I believe that as long as we have each other, things will get easier and better, I love you so very much my sunflower 🌻 💛