I’m struggling to find a reason to investigate a new career when I’m pretty sure the US economy is going to collapse. What’s the fucking point.

🧵 I hope I’m wrong but I’m thinking we’re weeks or days away from martial law. He’s already explicitly threatening it for MSP with zero violence. He always tells us what he will do. Believe him. He isn’t gaining any strength by waiting. 1/

For those of you claiming we should exercise the 2nd amendment, you assume that we have it. Marginalized people cannot open carry in this country without getting shot by law enforcement If you're advocating for us to exercise it, it just shows your privilege

QOTD: What car do you want most, but know would be an absolutely miserable experience to own?

Everyone. Time to grab yourself something like this. amzn.to/3LyKufk

I try to avoid adding to The Discourse, JFC did Renee Goods murder fuck me up. I’m a queer parent. I drive my kid past the ICE facility in PDX every day. My car is filled with stuffies. That could have fucking been -me-. Not in an abstract way that “it could be any of us”. Closer than that.

Honestly, the Venezuela thing being a distraction from Epstein and affordability crisis seems to be working pretty well.

I know gay men who don’t gargle balls like this.

I had mine done in a Wawa bathroom off Rt 295 in Central Jersey.

If you see this, repost with your model of positive masculinity: (Y’all can argue all you want but you know I’m right.)

It’s genuinely wild that the United States spent decades building an elaborate rules-based international order which de facto cemented its permanent status as the dominant global hegemon, sustained by ideology rather than might, and now is just blowing it all up for literally no reason

Hans Frank called from beyond the grave. He wants his schtick back.

I smoked a joint that was laced with PCP and then tried to fuck a cactus.

As it is kicking off again in Iran: Tear gas and military smoke grenades are not nerve agents. Do not give atropine or scopolamine to people exposed to them.

Let's just get this over with. Bring on the collapse so I can move to Belize.

This is what happens when you elect a sleazy, outer-borough knockoff ginzoon with a room-temp IQ and more red flags than a Soviet military parade.

I know the world is shit right now. Here’s a fat squirrel to cheer you all up. This one really loves brioche crumbs.

I'd say I'm surprised to see people say that it's ok to kidnap a Latino man as long as they don't like him, but I've been watching people make excuses for ICE for years now.

So, we are 5 hours into Operation Forget Epstein, and Maduro has been captured. Now what?

I wonder how people are going to feel about this little South American operation once US troops start dying at the hands of Venezuelan militias. I hope they all loved following orders.

Is this what winning feels like?

Your last saved meme is your moral philosophy.

“I’m totally fine with trans kids killing themselves due to lack of care because it was done within the legislative framework” is a bold fucking thing to say on a public forum. Jesus fucking Christ. What is it like being this big of a shit-sipping ghoul?

The worst person I’ve ever met used to say “promises are prisons” and not only do I still have no idea what the fuck she meant by that, I think the ambiguity makes me hate her even more. Anyway, now I'm in a foul mood. I hope her day sucks and she gets attacked by wasps.

Me, looking for a new job: "I could also just walk in front of a bus..." What do you do when you don't want to do anything?

Meet your Bluesky pals! @notchbackfiero.bsky.social and I trying to explain why helicopters do not have ejection seats to a random dude in a coffee shop was a great way to spend a Saturday morning!

Describe your Bluesky account in a single image.

I’m immune to verbal insults now. A woman I was dating physically assaulted me in public, in broad daylight. Nothing you can say to me will ever hurt like that.

💅🏻

Be kind. Make me laugh. Feed me. Cuddle after sex. Promise that you will at least consider my proposal to buy a fleet of aging helicopters so that I can assemble a crime army of raccoons, lemurs, and other shifty ne’er do well animals.

It’s a Christmas miracle! Or possibly Christmas doom! Once again, the Dog Portal™️ has opened and belched forth another demented warrior, Hell-bent on conquest and domination.

Food snobs infuriate me. Your palate is not “sophisticated.” You’re just an asshole.

Every day we stray further from God’s light.

The Dog Portal™️, sensing an opportunity to strike a decisive blow, has opened once again and sent its most fearsome champion to this plane. His goal? Destruction.

Chasing the Sunday scaries away.

5. All of the above.

Oh. Great.

Pack it up folks. We’re done as a species.

Steven Miller, slick with sweat and masturbatory excretions, stumbled out of his West Wing goon-cave, breathless, clutching a phone and exclaimed, ‘My policy magnum opus!’, as though jacking off to war crimes had summoned divine inspiration.

Friends, devoted haters, mutuals I only follow for the drama. The negotiations have begun. My parents may be moving off the Cape… and into my house. They're aging. Medical care is better here. It makes sense. But I am not ready. I need your prayers. Your spells. Your expired Xanax.

I’ve fully given up on this timeline. The comet can’t come soon enough. 💔

Your annual reminder.

I’m not particularly bright, nor do I have many real skills. But I can make a mean pot of chili and that’s alright with me.

What do I look like I do for a living? Wrong answers only.

As someone who just sat through a five-hour delay and didn’t land in Boston until 2:50 AM, how about you make sure airports are actually staffed before running your mouth, you fucking dipshit.

Look, if Glenn wanted to get his dick sucked so bad he could hire a pro for short money and it would be far less embarrassing than whatever this is. Some people really need to experience shame again.

Movie you've watched more than six times with a Gif. Hard mode-no Star Wars, Marvel.

I may never leave.