Look, I'm not saying this is a main reason why women turn to lesbianism, but it is *a* reason.

Conservative media has become such a strange place. Every week another grown man interrupts a discussion of public policy to explain which women don't make his dick hard, as though this were a matter of pressing national importance.

This tracks.

If you see this, post an archer.

You couldn't waterboard that quote out of me unironically.

They also taste *amazing*. Especially when boiled with heaps of fresh dill.

The Three Musketeers. (For everyone saying Moby Dick, I get it. That’s a tragedy though, and it’s hard to make the Muppets funny when *everyone* dies. )

“Don’t shower. Think of the shareholders! That water could be cooling a server farm hard at work answering humanity’s most pressing question: ‘What if Abraham Lincoln had absolutely colossal naturals?’” Everything about these fucking people is a grift and I hate them all.

Look, I hate this man with the intensity of a thousand white hot suns, but if this bureaucratic fever dream ends with some lunatic factory superintendent producing a modern SIG with the craftsmanship of a Singer 1911, I’ll quit my bitching for five minutes.

Cottage cheese. Milk is a close second.

I hope he's scared right before the lights go out. The only fitting end for a man this venal and corrupt.

If he can't smear his name feces all over it he's going to tear the place down, you know that right?

Jordan in his prime.

The Anduril + Goop drone strike experience: an explosion that smells like Gwyneth Paltrow's vagina.

ok water calm down

This is rare sight indeed - an Eastbound Storrowing! The old railroad bridge right before Soldiers Field Rd turns into Storrow claims another scalp.

This will win him votes in some parts of Maine. 🫠

This lineup is gayer than two dudes fucking.

I’ve seen enough. No more Kennedys in public or private life. The bloodline is cursed. Diseased. It needs to be exorcised.

It's time for a midweek mood check! Use a GIF, image, or vid to share how you are feeling today.

“Took you long enough.”

I love that the conspiracy theory isn't even the weirdest part.

Some candidates campaign on improving infrastructure. Tom Steyer apparently believes in hands-on experience with the D.

"Maybe if I racism hard enough they'll let me be a real boy!" he exclaimed as Republican voters called him slurs from the crowd.

Don’t pick up tear gas grenades at all, not even with welding gloves

The 250th anniversary should have been impossible to screw up. All you have to do is wave some flags, launch some fireworks, play some music, and avoid inserting your own personality into the proceedings. Unfortunately, the event was entrusted to a man who could ruin a free blowjob.

I think Bourdain was the most human human being of all time. I feel like we all collectively lost a small piece of ourselves when he died.

Stephen Miller mocking gender-affirming care while using tactical camouflage to transition from “bald” to “Dracula at a Burbank dinner theatre” will never not be funny.

“Respectfully sir, the problem may not be the boys. Most HHS secretaries don’t say things like, ‘It’s very hard to catch them long enough to extract a load,’ followed immediately by, ‘I personally inspected several samples and found the flavor disappointing.’”

*gravelly croaking* “If you wait to harvest the foreskins until after the gonads mature, they’re far more potent and produce a much stronger psychedelic effect.”

He's either gonna eat 'em or shove 'em up his ass. I don't know which is worse.

Plenty of animals wander deep into the woods to die. <shrug>

The 🐐 You can argue but you’re wrong. An absolutely magnificent body of work. Gonna spin some tomorrow.

Battista Pininfarina, were he still alive, would riot. 650K for this hunk-o-shit? This timeline is cursed.

I have questions.

1. DeLucia's in Raritan NJ. (Before Portnoy and his god awful reviews ruined it.) 2. The OG Regina in Boston. Always hits. 3. Lynnwood Cafe in Randolph MA 4. Vito and Nick’s in Chicago

No

A picture is worth a thousand words.

This is a national security film. You can give feedback, but you’re wrong.

Me, right before the nuke hits my city.

A 10/10, flawless film.

Look, I'm not really into elder abuse, but if some geriatric approached me on the street and offered me 200K, I'd take that rube for all the money and disappear like a fart in the wind. Go back to Nevada and die in the desert like your God intended and leave these fucking people alone.

The beautiful thing about ballmaxxing is that Darwin would have absolutely no notes. This is the process working exactly as intended.

We’re going to find out that he fucked the rat, aren’t we?

I’ve seen infants and toddlers die from conditions that never should have killed them. Enough for two lifetimes. Sure, vitamin K deficiency bleeding is rare...but why take the fucking chance? We live in the stupidest timeline with the dumbest people. I want to get off this ride.

Get those Polymarket bets in folks! (God I wish I was joking.)

Without downloading anything new, where are you, mentally?

I'd let John Waters rewrite Aliens. The xenomorphs are somehow both terrifying and campy. Ripley is a chain-smoking dyke. The Marines are replaced by a cast of Baltimore oddballs and drag queens. The body horror! Burke, a corporate sellout, is the villain. "This time, it's war." (In poor taste)

One clot. That's all I'm asking for.