Just spotted Daphne the Baby Guinea Pig running around the pig palace and popcorning*. So I think she’s settling in nicely. 🙂 *Imagine a furry potato suddenly doing joyful parkour jumps as if they have springs on their feet. Sign of a very happy pig…

Have persuaded the Hunky Glaswegian to come see Project Hail Mary with me this afternoon. I loved it. I think he’ll love it and I want him to see it while it’s still on the big screen. Plus he’s having a rough time and a few hours of hopeful escapism will do him good. 🚀

Sky News projecting a national vote share for Reform of 27%, based on results so far. That’s four points down on what they achieved in local elections last year. Somewhat of a counter to the prevailing narrative. More evidence that Reform appears to have peaked.

The new guinea pigs (Daphne and Dolly) are very skittish. So I’m sitting in silence and barely moving so I can watch them potter around. The second I stand up, they run for cover. Will take them a few weeks to figure out I’m not a predator. I’m just the provider of snacks and good scratches.

SNP held my constituency pretty convincingly. Slight drop in vote share but not much. Not surprising. They could run a dead sheep here and still win. #ScottishElections

Stick that in your 6 houses 5 cars and 6 boats Offord!

Bloody Wordle almost defeated me for the first time. A Hail Mary 6th guess saved me. Phew, indeed.

Me looking at the English election results and thinking that maybe there should be some sort of inductive reasoning test you have to pass before you’re allowed to vote.

Can’t believe England makes you bring ID to vote in local elections. Barriers to voting suck. Hooray for the people who run Scotland’s elections for not being paranoid weirdos. Voted this morning in a surprisingly busy polling station in the village. No ID. No polling card. No drama. Took 3 mins.

Quick vote before breakfast. Civic duty and whatnot. 🗳️

I thought Minnie the Pig might be lonely because Flora the Pig lives in her own wee world and doesn’t interact like a regular pig. Then one thing led to another and now I have four guinea pigs. Welcome to Daphne and Dolly. Pictures available once they stop being terrified and come out of hiding!

Sent my boss a proposal that boils down to “you know that pet project of yours that you are overly invested in? It doesn’t really work and is a total ball-ache to manage, so I want to bin it, and replace it with this other thing that you’re gonna hate”.

13?!

New gentleman friend is an artist and musician and has a really cool job and loves cooking Japanese food. He loves his pets and actually reads books. And he’s Irish. And a realllly good kisser. So, in short, I might be trouble here, lads. 😍

Bert and Ernie should have their own show. I don't want to have to watch Sesame Street to see what they're up to. I'm not 5

I still randomly laugh out loud when I remember this. It might also have been the last great day on Twitter.

Willing a Reform election canvasser to knock my door today. I’d really enjoy yelling at a total dickhead.

8hr long first date. Think we probably call that a success. 😆

The power of Crufts compels you

Yes. One of the best bits of Spring is here. 😀

One of my gentleman friends is dad to the world’s fluffiest boy. Look at that belly.

Not one but two sparkies have arrived. One + an apprentice. And I’ve already had a lecture for not getting the wiring tested. But among other things they are getting rid of some of the hideous light fittings that I inherited. So they can lecture me all they want. Goodbye ugly 80s ceiling fans.

Agatha looks miffed that Apollonia has copied her outfit.

Housebound for the day waiting for an electrician who, like all electricians, may or may not arrive. He currently exists in my mind as Schrödinger’s Sparky. Both definitely coming and definitely not coming.

May in Scotland. An actual chance of snow on Wednesday morning. 😬

📸 The view from here...

Brioche is not Good Bread. If anything, it is Bad Cake.

I want to live in a world where the news is less “Unfathomable Horrors Everywhere” and more “Magnus the Walrus Enjoys Spring Break in Scotland” www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

Watching @daraobriain.bsky.social’s latest special and my involuntary gasp of “NOOOOOOO!” at a pivotal reveal scared the bejeezus out of the guinea pigs. 😆

I should stick something on my front door that says “I know who I’m voting for next month - keep walking sunshine”. Or possibly just booby-trap my letterbox to stop local political parties shoving their stupid brochures/flyers through it. #ScottishElections

Couldn’t give a monkeys about athletics, but still kinda miffed for Sabastian Sawe and Yomif Kejelcha that their sub 2-hour marathon achievement is being over shadowed by the stupidity in the news.

Before my holiday I was feeling very overwhelmed and anxious about everything. Returned to work today feeling soooo relaxed about everything. Unflappability Mode has been reinstalled. Time off is good for your mental health. ⛱️

“This Is A Gardening Show” is delightful. Semi-related but somewhat off topic: Zach Galifianakis wearing glasses could get it.

Back in Glasgow and judging my fellow passengers for their lack of airport etiquette at baggage reclaim. #muppets

Happy Miss Congeniality Day to all who celebrate!

At Palma airport. How the staff put up with entitled, belligerent Brits who can’t seem to engage their brain cells, I do not know. If some of these morons acted this way at Glasgow airport they’d get a kicking. And deservedly so.

Is this a scam? Seems way too good to be true. retronanix.com/products/nan...

Hunky Glaswegian has been dropped off at the airport. And I stopped to pick up supplies on the way back so I don’t need to leave the villa until Saturday. Lazy mode = Activated. ⛱️📚🍹

Well, after 48 years on this planet, I have found heaven and it turns out to be a little hilltop hotel called the Llenaire. It’s the Hunky Glaswegian’s last day before he flies home tomorrow. So he took me to a gorgeous lunch here. And it is so pretty I nearly cried.

It was a good day. A morning promenade in Puerto Pollensa, getting lost in Pollensa old town, some beach time in Cala Sant Vicenç, then my favourite thing: a visit to a donkey sanctuary. Plus the Hunky Glaswegian has just handed me a beer and fired up the BBQ. 😎

It was a good day. There were mountains and beaches and goats and terrifying hairpin bends and BBQ and scrabble and stargazing. ✨

Tough day. 😍

Needed to kill some time in town before we went to our villa.

I have to get up at 3.30am. I suppose I should go to bed.

Just had my first Korean lash lift and tint. So weird. Like a tiny perm for your lashes. I’m not a salon girlie so I had no idea what to expect. But my pale stumpy eye lashes are now dark and curled. And I’ll look alive and awake without having to wear mascara for the next 8 weeks. 👍

Walking to an appointment in the village, suddenly remembered the “Board of Peace” is a thing, and a big loud cackle just popped out of me.

Two very disgruntled pigs* are away to the pig hotel to be pampered by Lisa the Pig Lady. She has an a full house full of pigs boarding with her, all being watched over by a big fluffy cat who thinks guarding the pigs is his job. *Once they have stopped sulking, they’ll have a blast.

Flora, my deaf/blind baby guinea pig, has reached her stroppy teenage era and is acting out. Her big sister, Minnie the Pig, is deeply unimpressed with this bratty behaviour. And it’s only a matter of time until Flora takes a (frankly deserved) beating.

My body has sensed I’m about to go on holiday so - as is now the tradition - it has rolled out the red carpet to all the local viruses and bugs. 🤧

Smooth-brained morons badly explaining Catholicism to the *actual Pope* is my favourite thing this week. It’s like me telling NASA that they’re doing space wrong.