just found out sandra bullock is 61. shocking news.

i’ve always loved smarties but tbh this is above and beyond, they really outdid themselves with this one 😎

[during sex] seriously, thank you again for doing this with me

As you go to work today to start another week, it may help to remember that Skeletor was often thwarted by his own inept henchman too

wow - it’s mostly podcasts now but i cannot believe this man was still making crazy food til like 3 years ago, maybe even still is and i didnt see it through the podcast episodes. that’s a wild journey

just heard the name Epic Meal Time and i have not been transported through time so fast in a while

Watching GMM and I appreciate the way Link opens a banana from the bottom like I do on the rare occasion I open a banana

someone at the hospital is watching dr phil and i only noticed bc i heard him say “Sexy Vegan” bc it’s THAT episode 😂

i didnt, but i power washed the fuck out of the second level patio and made it to work today and i’m having a good day

“gross, someone should do something about that” ~ me as a doctor

i work with a 22 year old and we’ve been asking him about different oldhead bands to see if he knows them. tell me how this boy doesn’t know Jackson 5 😭

Gonna absolutely crush some powerwash sim and hope I get tired enough to at least get 6 hours sleep (i wont)

Gonna take a page out of FNAF tomorrow at work and whenever I inevitably get overwhelmed, just remind myself “1 out of every 3 employees has faith in you, so go get em, tiger” and see if that helps !

this is not only disgusting but incredibly embarassing for all of hollywood who supports this. this would be hilarious if it wasn’t about to ruin cinema lmao

something drastic needs to be done yk like i’ve been struggling and i’ve done NOTHING to resolve this and, unshockingly, nothing changes. i’m gonna flip EVERYTHING.

think i’m gonna change just about everything about my life and see if the tune changes

‘tis hammer time

drop some teeth

i showed this to my husband saying “tell me this isn’t a dance i actually do” and he said so sincerely “yeah, yeah you do”

probably getting new heelys for christmas thats pretty fucking hype

Everyone stay home today - I want 0% work and 100% sitting around for 8 hours

Last day of work before I’m finally off tomorrow. Oh boy I can’t wait to be off.

trying to stay sane in this last half hour of work where i will no doubt be alone

i always liked the phrases “snatched defeat from the jaws of victory” and “failing upwards”

my MIL always said she believes every woman over 30 should be in therapy, just for the benefit of oneself in general, and the closer i get to 30, the more i agree and think i should start looking

went to the biggest spirit halloween today bc i’m only like an hour or so away and it was huge i recommend

pepper-american cheese slaps i hate to say it

time for home

got this urge to play elden ring when i get home but also do i wanna keep myself up with rage after such a long shift

hour and a half left. i can totally do this just wish me all the luck

how do i get back to work when i simply do not want to today

maintenance came in today and swept and stuff in the halls but they cleaned my spider friend’s web and now he’s gone 😭😭😭

my husband is a more worthy italian than columbus, let’s make that clear first and foremost.

i should’ve done the extra 4 hours earlier but i just simply wasn’t able to motivate and now i’m gonna be awake for 4 hours once i get home and i’ll have nothing extra to show for it

he thinks it’s some kind of act to get people to shut up when i color and then get asked a question and go “hm?” or “what happened?” and he’s tryna learn it. i can’t tell him enough that mental illness and genuine stupidity was not a LEARNED “skill” for me

i have a coworker who’s basically analyzing me and as someone who also analyzes people i respect it but as a walking panic button i can’t help but wonder why

what’s crazy is this man loves his cat with a fierce vengeance and i know that’s not up for debate

just saw the coolest jurassic park jeep. i’m not normally a dork for that kinda thing, but that jeep fucks.

my dads not big on emojis or anything but i sent him a birthday text and he hit me w the thank you with the two lil pink hearts and it’s just so sweet and adorable idk what to do but i could cry a lil ngl 🥹 my dad is just awesome idk he’s the best

i fucking love elden ring i just got invaded by orochimaru, who btw looked like orochimaru and hit me with poisonous snakes. the commitment is incredible. killed my whole party of three. amazing.

maybe i’ve been playing too much elden ring but tell me this doesn’t look like a spear piercing the sky

wish me luck on this, my last hour of work

Greta Thunberg has been an icon to me ever since the Andrew Tate debacle and it kills me to hear what she’s just been through oh my god

i know i’m not the only one pushing the limits of the “no management here on the weekends” thing bc i see legit doctors and nurses in tee shirts and idk how i’ve never noticed this before

i think d&d would be a lot less nerdy in people’s eyes if they really knew how little “i cast this spell” happens in relation to how much “don’t call me Master PeePee” happens

my buddy from d&d’s cat is just the most adorable and precious little thing omg

yesterday is history tomorrow is a mystery but today is a gift and that’s why i hope you kept the receipt

would’ve been cool if prenatal tests back when my wife was pregnant could predict if your kid would be interested in ventriloquism as a career