Am I the only one who wants to go to a Morrissey concert just to throw some White Castle burgers at him? #ICantBeTheOnlyOne #SignTheWrappersJohnnyMarr

the President is like 30 seconds away from bombing Tehran and the VP is doing transphobic own-the-libs shitposting on Bluesky (yes, this is a real account he just set up). This is ridiculous man. Like a reverse Dick Cheney where the VP has no power and is being totally sidelined on foreign policy.

A sure sign you're aging: you are grocery shopping and you think to yourself "Wow, they're playing pretty good music in here today" #JammingInTheJamAndJellyAisle #CheckingOutTheMusicInSelfCheckout

This is pretty fucked up because I can’t do geometry. The bird is smarter than I am.

My baseball ⚾ obsessed wife was horrified when I referred to the "thrower" instead of the "pitcher" when they showed all the balls he'd thrown in one graphic, which would be cool if he could really throw that many balls at once #Thrower #MLB

J.D. Vance - "The American People have been lied to. I was told there would be penguins, and literally nothing is GREEN here! President Trump said take the family to Greenland; bring it back as a souvenir. I can't believe it is so cold and no penguins! " #GuylinerGoesToGreenland

Just finished this book; well worth the read!

In a world of Kid Rocks and Carrie Underwoods, be a Woody Guthrie.

Did your child lose their book collection in the Los Angeles fires? Are you a teacher at a school that lost its library or your classroom library? Whether you need one book or a whole library, we can replace your books. 📚 Everyone else, please boost this post so we can connect with those in need. 🙏

You know you're serious about keeping your food in its place when you purchase a blender called The Obliteraror #FuckThatFoodUp

@solarsystemwolf92.bsky.social Hello and welcome to a social I am finally on! #HowManyCrispysDoYouKnow

A clean Pad Thai restaurant is good, but Sanitary Pad Thai is questionable #SplittingPubicHairsButImportantDetails

Why didn't more people shout "This shit crazy!" during Lawrence Welk? #AlwaysWondered #DidTheLennonSistersDropItLikeItWasHot

The desired effect is what you get when you improve your interplanetary funksmanship #Parliament #MakeMyFunkThePFunk

@danryckert.com @grubb.wtf Guys, the 6' subs as prizes was a stroke of genius. I loved seeing people try and manage them as they walk off camera.

This is, technically, a sandwich.

The big hidden problem with Xenomorphs is that they don’t respect personal boundaries.

Life Fuck is your Short Friends? I have short friends... #Confused

I couldn't find on Disney+ the documentary "Jim Henson's Don't Ask How I Work The Puppet In My Lap" or Henson's early film "A Very Muppet Cannibal Holocaust". The latter film courted controversy because viewers couldn't tell how the puppeteers worked the entrails of the victims. #SpuriousFacts

"Sometimes you stare long into the Navel, the Navel also stares into you" - Friedrich "Freddy Neat" Nietzsche #ThisIsWhyILoveTheInternet #BecauseWhyNot

This

Ever wonder if the Funky Bunch is still sitting around cursing Marky Mark Wahlberg, stabbing a voodoo doll and yelling "Feel THIS! Feel THIS!" #BadVibration #SourSensation

The Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade is an exercise in revulsion at the terrible lip syncing and confusion as to who these "stars" are. #UnknownsHoldingNonfunctionalMicrophones

Food Network needs a show called Bobby Flay's Kitchen Curb Stomp, where chefs fight off attacks with kitchen implements while trying to prepare a meal #BloodMayBeAccidentalIngredient

When it snows, I have this unnatural desire to travel back in time and punch Currier and slap Ives #DontLetItSnow

Sometimes I like to make business video calls impromptu puppet shows because no one wants to look at me and everyone loves puppets #ThisCouldHaveBeenAnEmail #YouAreYellingAtAPuppet

I like to wear a headlamp during video calls so others on the call feel like they are being interrogated, or that I have been searching for them in the dark #StupidHobbies