How many 79-year-olds do you know who eat a large fries, a quarter-pounder with cheese, two Big Macs, a Filet-o-Fish, and a chocolate malted in ONE meal?

BREAKING NEWS: Jesus Christ fails to obtain interview with Despicable Donnie. "I like saviors who don't die for humanity's sins" says humanity's TRUE deity.

Well, I'll be dammed.

Ha! You know this is false, because it OUGHT to say, "Convicted Felon in Chief Cuts Ticket Prices at TRUMP-(Used To Be Kennedy) Center 5000%."

So, let me get this straight: inciting a mob to commit treason is NOT sedition, but reminding the military that they have sworn an oath to obey the law IS sedition.

January 2026: Uganda has just discovered 31 million metric tons of gold, worth $12 TRILLION. February 2026: Despicable Donnie discovers a Very Important reason for the US to invade Uganda. They're probably the world source of Trump-disapproved fentanyl.

I accidentally paused on Faux News, and I swear I heard Haley Joel Osment whisper "I see stupid people."

Yeah, Despicable Donnie sure "inherited" a mess...

There is more evidence that Trump was a pedophile / child sex trafficker than there is that the men he's been having murdered in the Caribbean were "narcoterrorists."

Them: "How was 2025?" Me: 2025 was written by H.P. Lovecraft, directed by David Cronenberg, soundtrack by Bernard Herrmann ("Psycho"). Lovecraft is well on track for 2026 too, although Tarantino and Peckinpaugh are in the running for director.

Trumpublicans are gushing over Karoline Leavitt's "strength" for being 28 years old and pregnant. Imagine the strength of a working 28yo mother who ISN'T married to a 60-year-old millionaire, who DOESN'T get paid $180K (and free health) to lie for Donnie, and IS facing doubled health care costs.

Now, now, now — we only have naked pictures of Melania, we don't have any *proof* she sold herself to the wealthiest man she could impersonate Ivana with. And we KNOW she's not running America; that's Stephen Miller's fiefdom.

It is certainly possible that this picture of Despicable Donnie with a girl one fourth of his age is a forgery — but I find it 100% believable.

Neither Hillary nor Kamala lost because she was the worse candidate. They lost because the pinheads of the "right" couldn't accept the idea of a female president.

Despicable Donnie is fine pardoning criminals who use WMDs against the American people *if the bribe is profitable enough.*

Despicable Donnie fervently maintains that it is perfectly normal for the president of the United States to fall asleep during important meetings — because he's not sleeping, he's blinking for 90 minutes at a time.

There is something seriously wrong with the Convicted Felon in Chief, and apparently even Trumpublicans dislike J.D. Vance too much to do the obvious.

"All I know is that first you've got to get mad. You've got to say, 'I'm a HUMAN BEING, God damn it! My life has VALUE!' So I want you to get up now... and yell, 'I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!'" - Howard Beale "And then yell 'I love Trump!' " — the Felon in Chief

The five stages of Erika Kirk’s grief: denial, anger, podcasting, publicly making out with J.D. Vance, and selling merchandise.

And remember, the Convicted Felon in Chief is going to lower drug prices by "600 percent." If a drug used to cost you $100, the manufacturer is now going to give you BOTH the drug AND $500!

Man: I'm short, ugly, and broke, so the hot girls always reject me for the hot guys. Woman: How many short, ugly, and broke women have you asked out? Man: Why would I do that?

As a child, I was taught how to swim. I took dance classes, piano lessons, horseback riding, Girl Scouts, extracurriculars, and didn't pay a cent for college. ... In 2026, I don't think I could even afford a child, much less providing all that to four children.

Try as I might, I just can't remember the United States of America leading the charge to kill 95% of the world in 1994. We couldn't even convict O.J. Simpson! ... Was Dr. Orrick even ALIVE in 1994? Where did she get her MD, Trump University?

"It's not wrong to call the president a motherfvcker. It IS wrong to call that motherfvcker a president."

"1939 is gone— and good riddance… Moving on… Oh, it left a bitter sting. What will 1940 bring?" If schadenfreude is pleasure at someone else's misfortune, what is sorrow for what you know 1940 is going to bring to the poet?

Despicable Donnie is absolutely insistent that one "blink" can last 90 minutes. He has video proof!

In school, we used to practice hiding under our desks if Russia attacked. Now I have a gas mask and practice what to do if a member of Trump’s gestapo, a representative of MY OWN GOVERNMENT, attacks me.

In case you were wondering, Jack Smith's testimony was the *opposite* of "total exoneration."

"Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free," and Despicable Donnie will quickly kidnap the swarthy ones and deport them to as worse a fate as he can contrive.

I am waiting for the commercials for "The Donald J. Trump St. Jude's Hospital for Children (Danny Thomas, Founder; Donald J. Trump, Expropriator)." Except the Convicted Felon in Chief probably doesn't understand what expropiation is.

1655, King Louis XIV to the French Parlement: "L'état, c'est moi." 2025, King Donald to Congress, the judiciary, and us, the people: "The government is Me."

When Despicable Donnie hears "West Bank," he thinks it's another place to "lend" him money he will never even try to repay.

Listen up Folks.

Listen up folks.

"Adding your name to a memorial already named in honor of a great man doesn't make *you* a great man. Quite the contrary." — Maria Shriver (niece of JFK & RFK Sr.) Darn it! I was really looking forward to the Mary W. Matthews and the Clara Barton National Historic Site.

You know, I'm all for helping the victims of misfortune. But the blond cutie in the Shriners commercials is 16 years old, and the brunet is 23. Why can't previously-unfortunate girls be spokesmodels? Why can't *actual* children be spokesmodels?

It kills me that every day the headlines say "Trump and Hegseth Commit Even More War Crimes" and even people of conscience don't seem to care ... too busy celebrating the birth of the alleged Prince of Peace, I guess....

The US dollar has *literally* lost 10% of its value since the Convicted Felon in Chief resumed his plundering. The cost of living has risen 2.7%. Meaning your investment of $10,000 on 1/20/25 is *worth* about $8,600 on 12/30/25. But don't worry! There's a TON of "gold" in the Gilded Office, the—

Donnie repeatedly promised to release the Epstein files, but The Epstein Files Are a Hoax, then Bondi promised, but TEAH, but Trump will end Russia's war on Ukraine, but TEAH, but schools continue to be against bullying, but TEAH, but the Constitution is against fascism, but TEAH....

I'm so old that I can remember when even right-wing nut jobs were proud that Albert Einstein chose to become a citizen of the United States, even though he was a (shudder) immigrant.

Heinrich Himmler was the 4th Reichsführer of the Schutzstaffel (Protection Squadron; SS) from 1929 to 1945. In other words, he had almost as much power over the Third Reich as Stephen Miller has today over the Fourth Reich.

check out the expression on Zelenskyy's face as Trump claims the war wouldn't have happened if the 2020 election hadn't been "rigged and stolen"

I used to be a libtard. Then I was a snowflake. Then I was woke. Now I'm radical left scum. It's good to evolve.

"Girls mature faster." We have to. Beginning in middle school, ages 11 to 14, we have to deal with horny middle-aged Republican billionaires who want a "massage"...

Is it a sign of progress that the 2016 "Democrats eat babies" narrative evolved in 2024 to "Democrats approve of eating cats and dogs"?

Remember nice, sweet Vir on Babylon 5? And Morden, who was almost as evil as Trump? Vir to Morden: "I'd like to live just long enough to be there when they cut off your head & stick it on a pike as a warning to the next 10 generations. I want to look up into your lifeless eyes & wave like this."

Explain why Trumpublicans would go to extremes to hide a Democratic hoax. Has all the stalling REALLY been to protect Bill Clinton? The government shutdown? The refusal to swear in Adelita Grijalva?