I’m so glad America’s final election went so well. Always important to go out on a high note.

The White House calling a Trumper shooting up a Mormon church “anti-Christian terrorism” might be the first time in history evangelicals have called Mormons Christians.

Can’t believe antifa is being criminalized again after they were all just pardoned for doing January 6.

Republicans are so desperate to make every shooter transgender that they’re just going to start planting dicks on suspects.

The best way to honor Charlie Kirk is to embrace the principles he preached: accepting gun violence as inevitable and feeling no empathy. Anything less is woke.

The only number Trump hates more than a labor statistic is the age of consent.

The only number Trump hates more than a labor statistic is the age of consent.

We’re one more Epstein leak away from the White House releasing footage of JFK being shot by Bigfoot from a UFO.

Trump said he will block a stadium deal for the Washington Commanders unless they change their name back to the Washington EpsteinDidNothingWrongs.

Instead of making Superman woke, I wish they'd just go back to 1978 classic version of Superman when he was fighting against Lex Luthor, a corrupt psycopathic real estate billionaire with fake hair who was trying to destroy California.

No one is more confused about pronouns than white people singing “They not like us.”

ICE shouldn’t be allowed to mask because I actually do want them all get Covid

LAPD is shooting reporters like they’re trying out for the IDF.

A lot of people think all of LA is under siege because they live in towns that only have one street.

All I’m saying is that back when “America used to be great,” we were knocking off Kennedys on a pretty regular basis.

It’s insane that there’s an entire genre of American journalism now where reporters take whateverer obviously wrong thing the president says and try to decipher what he’s getting it confused with.

We’re in the middle of the fourth surge of fascism in American history. American fascism is always white supremacist and usually Christian Nationalist. So far the bad guys are 2-1. Hopefully it’s a best of seven series.

Of course he wants to defund PBS. He’s jealous of any other puppets getting more attention than him.

Of course he thinks he should be the Pope. He’s not even Catholic. You can’t JUST be a pedo.

I don't think Pete Hegseth should be fired. The last thing I'd want would be for him to replaced by an evil piece of shit who actually knows how to do their job.

When RFK says “People with autism will never pay taxes” he’s specifically talking about Musk and Zuckerberg.

Turns out the checks and balances were just the friends we made along the way.

Look, people being grabbed off the street, shoved into vans and sent off to Salvadoran death camps is one thing, but my 401K dropping 20% is totally unacceptable.

Booker filibustering for 25 to symbolically oppose Trump and then immediately voting against limiting weapon sales to Israel is peak Democrat.

With these new tariffs, the average US household can no longer afford to own a libtard.

🎲✂️ *New Episode* @ericabouyouris.bsky.social and @senfoonglim.bsky.social talk to @mattgubser.bsky.social about his work in the tabletop industry and the transition from traditional to digital modeling tools. ludology.libsyn.com/ludology-338...

Last week Trump used executive orders to very publicly blackmail a law firm into giving him $40 million in free legal services, which would be an instant impeachment at any other point in US history, but at this moment is just one more drop in the firehose of diarrhea.

2025 is just a yearlong Christian Nationalist celebration of Easter lining up with Hitler’s birthday.

True Patriots would be out there reprogramming Teslas to self-drive into Boston Harbor.

How embarrassing that Zelenskyy flew all the way from Ukraine and we made him meet with Trump because the president wasn't available.

Three January 6 rioters have been arrested for sex crimes against children since being pardoned three weeks ago. A child in America is 60 times more likely to be victimized by someone who was pardoned for trying to overthrow the government than they are a drag queen.

It's hilarious seeing the reactions to the Luke Doncic trade from people around the NBA. The trade was so bad it's starting conspiracy theories.

Based on true events #comedy #standup #bonjovi #dating #relationships

Honestly the best news I’ve heard all year.

The first Senators to actually do anything about the Trump admin

#comedy #standup #aging

We do love ourselves a ridiculous euphemism

Punching a Nazi is called a Visigoth Salute.

Star Trek Section 31 is the Donald Trump of Star Trek movies. It's so shitty it'll make you miss earlier shitty Star Trek movies and you just hope there's enough left that someone else gets a shot to salvage things in a couple years.

The greatest upset in history is still Mushroom losing to Eggplant in the Emoji Wars.

If you’re going to call a funeral a “celebration of life,” you gotta step up your game. #funny #comedy

I generally avoid wearing clothes with stuff printed on them because people take it as an invitation to talk. Turns out though that you can wear clothes that make people want to talk to you even less.

Kids are dumb. It’s probably your fault. #comedy #standup #parenting

We're about a week from "It's a Charlie Chaplin mustache!"

One of my favorite moments from my first album “Daddy Issues.” In hindsight, also another ADHD story. Full special is available for free on my YouTube channel. #comedy #parenting #adhd #standup