"I asked ChatGPT." Yeah, well I asked ChatOEG..

Watching Midnight Cowboy for the first time. It reminds me of Catcher in the Rye in the aspect that it's a stupid, and quite paranoid person trying to navigate the modern world with zero cognitive skills.

I'm going to the discount grocery store tomorrow. I'm going to buy a year's worth of canned food and whatever I can freeze. There may not be a harvest this year because there aren't people to work the fields. Shit is about to get serious.

Some weird guy at a bagel shop just asked if I could hurt someone for money. He said it was a divorce issue. Like out of the blue. I'm kind of a big guy and I do appear standoffish in public but I didn't think I put out the vibe of a hit guy. I told him I would hurt him for free. He left.

Warehouses Why do they need warehouses if they're deporting them? There are farmers who aren't planting crops this year because they don't have anyone to plant them. They won't have anyone to harvest them. Unless... They don't care about raping kids, they won't care about slavery. #GOP #TRUMP

My Alarm Clock? Strawberry.

So they legalized weed in MD and now they have headlines that make you unsure if you're high or not.

I have an ass that doesn't quit. Well, we all kinda do. He's the president.

🫧 Smoke trapped in a bubble on water: surface tension, soap film physics and fluid mechanics in action

Remember when three years into his second term Obama lost a supreme court case about his executive orders? Imagine how having a couple hundred cases of unconstitutional orders must irritate the GOP. Oh, wait... apnews.com/article/pent...

My job doesn't provide me with uniforms so I have to go to thrift stores to get this shit. I should be able to write this off, but I don't have a receipt. Is there a tax lawyer who can help a 107 year old man out pro bono?

The difference between a POTUS and a POS.

We did My Lai, we can do this.

So glad it finally feels like spring is here.

tRump seems to think everyone else is ok with the fact that this war that is killing Americans and Iranian children is completely performative and a multi billion dollar distraction from his crimes against children. I know @fetterman.senate.gov is ok with it and the GOP is, but are the rest of us?

Listen you selfish assholes, Taco von Bitchtits doesn't want people talking about how he and his best friend raped kids so we're having a war, you should be the ones who suffer, not him. GOP Senate candidate on gas prices: 'Maybe you take one less trip to Starbucks' thehill.com/homenews/sta...

Kid came by and asked if I still had a home gym. I said "Sorta".

What it feels like talking to the neighbor who can identify the 9 types of woodpecker that live here

Norman Rockwell was a good artist but so were Horace Pippin and Edward Hopper! America produced many great artists in the 19th and 20th centuries! Maybe we could find a different image to use as a way to announce our random thoughts! Maybe someone with a cleaner jacket! I'm tired!

And they had no reason.

Chuck Norris was an actor, martial artist, and cultural icon whose tough‑guy presence shaped action cinema and television. Known for Walker, Texas Ranger and countless martial‑arts films, he blended discipline, charisma, and mythic humor, leaving a lasting legacy in pop culture

Do you want to see a magic trick?

Chuck Norris, born Carlos Ray passed away today at 86 after an undisclosed medical emergency. His beard has asked for privacy during this stressful time. I had the privilege of being beaten up by Chuck Norris during a Karate Demonstration in Hawaii in 1991. I will forever cherish the memory of it.

Goomba's wife, who is so quiet and demure that I rarely mention her, just came out of the guest room in a bikini and I am still trying to gather my jaw off the floor. She's 66 years old and could be a model. She has had no work done, just walks and eats right. I'm literally speechless.

It's going to be 65F today. Goomba wants to go swimming because it's the first day of spring. I'm right now looking for somewhere we can swim and may have to take everyone to Great Wolf Lodge. If you're going to have a problem, this is the kind of problem you want to have.

Actual conversation with my Daughter. Daughter: I like this song, who is this? Me: Yes. D: Who? Me: No, Yes. D: I'm going back to Earth now.

There are people who think I'm going to check my voicemail.

Just went to a bagel shop with my son Gavin. There were two Puerto Rican guys he went to school with in line and some magat started harassing them. He stepped in and told them to shut the fuck up. He's 5'2" and 120#. When they asked what he would do about it, he said he'd rip their nuts off. #proud

Today I'm going to a neighbor's house to put him in handcuffs because he is a registered kiddy Diddler and had contact with kids who aren't his family. He's been restricted by a court order and thinks it's ok to have contact with children. I'm hoping he doesn't resist, but I'm also hoping he resists

When I was about 5, I remember my uncle eating tomatoes like apples. He would sit on his back porch with a salt shaker and just tear into them. I do this occasionally and think of Uncle Joe. Life is short, don't miss out on the little things.

Congratulations dipshits, you voted for a fascist warmonger. Now you can send your children to die in an illegal war to distract from the fact that you also voted for a baby rapist.

Favorite Line of the Night because the truth... matters. #PedoPrez

When will we know… #Epstein #Island #Files #gRape

Asked Goomba this morning: What's red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet? His answer: The entire color spectrum? Real Answer: A mob wife dressed up for church. He didn't disagree.

Today is supposed to get all weathery for the entire middle part of the country where most people live. Stay safe, use those basements. Run out and get a can of gas for those generators before the shit starts. Bolt down those gazebos so you don't become a viral YouTube video. Good luck, everyone

On March 11th, 2026 the Jeffrey Epstein's former account testified, under oath, the Epstein Estate paid a settlement of the women accusing Donald Trump of raping her as a minor, AFTER Epstein had died. No press coverage nationwide. Epstein files conspiracy strikes again.

europeans when asked to help unblock the strait of hormuz

My kid missed the bus this morning so I followed the procedure they sent out at the beginning of the year to drop her off. Went fine. As I was leaving the school a crossing guard wearing a camo jacket told me a different procedure. I told him to get away from my window and go back to his spot.

Cartoon by Nick Anderson | Tribune Content Agency

Maybe it's time for some post-analysis...

Life is about learning.

I was framed!

Every coffin rolling off the ramp of a C-130 is a pedophile rapist that doesn't have to fear jail. Thank you America for sacrificing your sons and daughters to keep baby rapists free!

Trans women, or men for that matter, aren't interested in children. Pedophiles are, if you don't know what a pedophile is, it's someone who goes backstage at a teen beauty pageant or to his BFF's baby rape Island. If you need further info, consult the Epstein files. When Bondi stops hiding them.

They have fruit by the foot, why not bacon?

A few years ago I was interested in a woman who said she couldn't date me because she was a Christian and I was divorced. Glad she pointed that out. I would have been miserable with someone like that. Met Girlfriend Material™ and have been happy. Anyway, we just had a threesome with her.

Now just imagine every weekend morning you wake up to these hand cut and seasoned potatoes cooked in bacon grease, eggs or quiche or breakfast burritos or something like that, some weekdays as well. All you women who treated me like shit are missing out. Enjoy your McMuffin.

Onlyfans, but it's just me explaining why Kahler floating tremolos were far superior to Floyd Rose models and showing off my collection of vintage guitars by playing the same riff on all of them in my underwear and a 25 year old Callaway Golf hat.

Goomba says the mob has moved into Crypto and online gambling. Well, no shit. They finally figured out how to get people's money without having to hurt or kill them. People will voluntarily give you access to their bank accounts and let you rob them blind if you lie to them enough first.