This was just impolite AF. No respect at all for their visitors.

Same.

I like playing the Octordle practice game and it gave me a word I never got before. GONER. I sat there staring at the letters, I had all five, but they were in the wrong order. I started typing N-E-G... I stopped and decided it had to be something else.

The Orioles are hitting the ball like it owes them money. They didn't bring enough fireworks.

Well, folks, I hope your day is enjoyable. I'm off to beat the ever loving fuck out of a kiddy diddler who missed his court date. Be back in a few.

"CHEAT AND LIAR ACCUSES EVERYONE OF CHEATING AND LYING." #trump

Just a reminder that the Epstein Files were supposed to be released 124 days ago.

Steak jokes are rare, but can be well done. I have no beef with that.

So, nine police cars have gone past my house, sirens and all. The thing I'm not going to do is check nextdoor to see what happened.

If I find myself where there are only white people, I try to find somewhere else to be.

This is how ridiculous the GOP is in 2026.

Two days in a row I apprehended a kiddy diddler on the run and they just turned themselves in. No resistance, no bullshit about oppression or whatever, just walked out and let me pat them down. Last week my hands were sore, this week I have them begging not to hurt them. I think they get the message

SAY "WHAT" ONE MORE TIME!

Yes, Virginia, there is a redistricting.

It's 4:20 somewhere.

Some people sweep their sidewalks, I have a doofus who does it for me.

Just pulled in the driveway and noticed the Azalea by my driveway blew its load overnight and I now have a ten foot wide pink flower bush in front of my house.

Been waiting for my latest target to come out of the house. He came out walked right up to the truck and asked if I was the guy who was going to take him to court. I told him his court date was a month ago. He said he knew and he heard they sent a guy who broke bones so he wanted to go peacefully.

It's 4:20 somewhere.

In a nutshell. 😊

tv screens at gas stations seem extremely unnecessary

For those who missed it: this was the moment The Strokes ensured they’ll never be invited back to Coachella again! I'm so proud of them

Back to the simple natural order of things…….. not human arrogance based on destruction of our water,air, environment for profit…… for the 1%

💯 🎯 (the midterms can't come soon enough)

It's 4/20 somewhere.

It's 4:20 somewhere.

All cars with disc brakes should have a built-in hook to hang the caliper on while you change the pads!

Caught up with a registered Kiddy Diddler on a pay by the week motel 250 miles from his residence. I asked him if anyone knew he was here, no. I asked him if anyone was waiting for a call or affirmation of his safety, no. I told him that the $24k reward was what kept me from putting him in a hole.

Dinner

It's 4:20 somewhere.

Now I have this stuck in my head, and so do you.

I can now scientifically prove that Garlic Parmesan chicken nuggets taste better after 10pm. And four or five rum and cokes.

If you were a professional athlete, what would your walk-on music be? youtu.be/LnzTYXkA3bA?...

Girlfriend Material™ is 4'10" tall. When I show people pictures of her, they say she looks tall. I figured out why. People's heads are generally the same size. We compare body size and bone length to the head and assume the height. GM's head is around the size of a large apple. It skews the process.

Back home watching the neighbor lady whose husband clearly hates her, trying to decide if I should get involved or let the universe it's course. Sometimes a beating is enough. With this guy, I don't think it is.

Best Captain Ahab, wrong answers only.

I just got a message from my former handler. We're going on a thing. I chase child molesters on the run from the law. I'll get back with you guys when I can feel my hands again.

We found a body. We don't know who it is or who's responsible. A made guy named Tommy Pitera, aka Tommy Karate used to put body parts in suitcases and bury them on Staten Island. Pete Davidson, all 6'3" of him is staring in a movie about 5"4 Tommy Karate. I hope it doesn't glorify him.

Cop: "Are you high?" Me *riding a giraffe* "Holy shit, I hope so."

So I got home to find out that the hose boss pipe in the wall had burst during the winter. I bought a freezeproof hose boss and went to install it. What should have been a five minute job turned into four hours this morning because the previous owner of this house was dangerously insane.

If anyone ever needs to know what love looks like, show them this picture.

Because it should!

If there's any Trans Person who feels alone in this uncertain world. I will say that I care and want you to be happy and Rights to be more progressive than ever. For Trans Rights matter way more than Billionaires! We must be kind and strong, for a better world is possible. PASS IT ON!

An EQUAL amount of blueberries!

Haven't talked to my luda-christian family in 20 years. Haven't missed them a bit.

So Goomba and I are renting a Cadaver dog tomorrow and going off into the wilds of Staten Island. I can only hope the poor dog doesn't die of exhaustion five minutes into our search. This island is a patchwork of unmarked mob graves tended to by serial pedo rapists. There is no one here worth saving

Someone on this godforsaken island has a fireplace or fire pit going and I'm jealous as hell because this AirB&B has a fireplace that we're not allowed to use. Snooty Todt Hill MF'ers. At least bring me a marshmallow, you fucking savages!

There is nothing more Staten Island than a girl in a cyan green 92 S10 Blazer tone-deafedly screaming a Taylor Swift song about whatever boyfriend she hated ten years ago in the same voice as Fran Drescher, then waving to me and Goomba and yelling "Daddy looks HOTTT!" I hate it and love it here.

Watched the splashdown with Goomba and got to talking about the space race in the 60s. A friend of mine's father was the diver that jumped out of the helicopter and hooked up the space capsules on the Mercury and Apollo missions. It's a great feeling to see what we as humans are capable of.

The definition of advertising. You're not happy until you meet our standards. Here's a commercial about overweight people who hate themselves enough to peddle this bullshit on television!