All 31 Moms for Liberty terrorists lost their elections in 2025.

Congresswoman Yassamin Ansari on why Speaker Mike Johnson kicked her out of his office...

This is a long way to go to say rapist.

The president's main priority is the ballroom. The president's main priority is the ballroom. The president's main priority is the ballroom. Maga.

Stopped at a store and saw a woman trying to change a flat tire. I showed her how to remove the old tire. She offered me money, which I refused because being able to do something to help means you do something to help. She told me she was MAGA until her Army son couldn't get SNAP. There is hope.p

Tomorrow, I'm making a salad out of shit I grew myself. If you want to stop by and have a bit of lettuce and tomato that grew in the woods against all odds, I'll gladly accommodate you. But you may want to bring your own dressing. I'm kinda stupid that way

Um, yeah, you deserve happiness and I will root for you when it happens

When the the police ask you questions, don't answer. Polite conversation about where you're coming from or where you're going is interrogation. They need to know nothing. If they ask where you're coming from, they want to know if it's a bar or a party. If you must speak, point behind you and say

Heartbreaker, soul shaker, I've been told about you! Hair of the Dog is a hell of a riff to hear just before bed. To my neighbor who blows leaves for six hours a day. Now you're messing with a son of a bitch.

It's 9:40pm. My neighbor was out with his beloved leaf blower for six hours today. I have a 100 watt halfstack and a newly refurbished 1977 Fender Stratocaster that needs testing. The only question is should I wait until his bedroom light goes off or start early enough to plant the riff in his head?

They had Fall pasta at the store but I didn't buy any because it wasn't made with real gravity.

Remember the time Obama personally caught a fainting woman during his speech — rather than just blankly staring like a sociopath? Character isn't something you tell people about. It's something you live.

I'm at Aldi watching a father who is obviously a furloughed federal worker try and ration out $48 dollars into food for the week for him and his two teenage boys. I'm going to pay for his groceries.

Guys, guys! Wordle 1,601 1/6 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

Of all the different kinds of tots, "tater" is my favorite.

I heard there was a blue wave today, I didn't believe it until I saw it for myself.

It's 4:20 somewhere.

Are people still paying millions of dollars for pictures of cartoon monkeys?

@440pm.bsky.social It feels like 5:40

Guitars with 6 screws in the tremolo have more contact between the strings and the body than the two point tremolos like Floyd Rose or knock offs. The sound of a guitar comes from the resonance of the wood. The strings are the origin and the pickups are the catalyst. Don't forget that.

Love is knowing that if you offer her an artichoke heart out of a can, she will eat it.

The guy I was sure was a capo in the Bonano family, is a capo in the Bonano family. I talked to him about the downfall of the Mafia and how the Bonano family was the boat anchor that brought them down through incompetence and overconfidence. Amazingly, he agreed. He also has millions of dollars.

What it's like posting on Facebook marketplace. Title of ad: Free oak firewood at (address) Body of ad: I will not answer "Is this still available?" If the ad is up, it's available. Result: 42 responses saying "Is this available?" 42 more responses asking for the address.

Girlfriend Material™: "Heat it up on a proper plate. I think we both have enough micro plastics in our penises."

They say a holistic cure for the government shutdown is small pieces of lead administered under the skin at a high rate of speed. I'm willing to give this one a try.

I got wood.

Want

Can someone tell Valerie Bertinelli @wolfiesmom.bsky.social that I'm still in love with her? She may find that interesting.

I take my kid to like, four trunk or treats in the week before Halloween. I leave one of the older kids home with the candy on Halloween while I take the kid trick or treating. I tell her that when she gets home, the previous candy may be gone. She's fine with that. Usually no one comes to the door.

The dementia patient who raped children doesn't seem to know who's in charge of the House of Representatives.

I will be taking a few neighbor kids trick or treating tonight. One is my daughter's best friend. She is an American citizen. She has dark skin. I carry a gun and I've seen some shit.

I can't believe what's happening. Starting this week, I will be providing meals to people who need them. I'm not rich, you can tell by the fact that if you need a meal, I'll provide one. Buy bullets. I'm not kidding.

Undocumented people aren't eligible for food stamps, yet I guarantee that if you arrived at their door hungry, they would share their food with you.

I like football and the Ravens won, so technically I won. Rack up my first NFL victory.

I think his name is "The Rapist Formerly Known as Prince" now.

I ain't 'fraid of no goats.

It's 4:20 somewhere.

The tree crew is back to finish cutting down the tree. Since the electric company is cutting it down because it may fall on the power lines, I am saving about $4k. You're damn right I'm cooking them breakfast.

I hope they can finish this game. After last night I'm afraid they might run out of baseball.

Full disclosure: Uncle Cracker is not really my uncle.

I just finished the Think and Do page from an old Weekly Reader magazine. I may apply to MENSA now.

I just got my ticket for tomorrow and it has a change of address card on the back.

This is the baseball version of the filibuster.

This game has been going on long enough for people to learn the name of the organist.

This game has actually been going on long enough for me to explain to an American the difference between England, Great Britain, the UK and the British Empire.

They stopped selling alcohol a full ballgame ago. Everyone at the game is officially in recovery now.

After the 15th inning they should blindfold the pitcher.

If you keep talking about the dementia test you took claiming it's an IQ test, and talking about how hard it was, chances are you have a low IQ and dementia.