Not much talk about the evils of the E numbers these days. In my day, we knew E123 was FORBIDDEN

You know you've made a pure balls of it when they hiss "your life is now forfeit"

Me and the fellas are holing up in the boozah to compile our definitive list of the Top 10 Presidencies of the EEC/EC/EU

I didn't know adults could use stencils when I was small so I thought it was very strange that all butchers had the same handwriting on their posters and boards

Lady mistakenly picked up my name as 'Danny' from a colleague, let it go as I was unlikely to deal with her again. Answered the phone there, giving my name, and it's her asking for Danny, a rising note of confusion in her voice, like I am suspected of running a ROMANCE SCAM

Scully shoves Murphy, then melts away into the background

Second-half highlight was my sister on TV, scoffing crisps

Dublin very hard done by here

Donegal asking to be beaten here

Be nice if Donegal had more than two forwards on the pitch who you'd trust to kick it over the bar from the 14 in front of the goals more than 50% of the time

Lmao what an unreal milkshake duck

'The Singing Mailman', they used to call him

Cold meat luncheon allows me to sing "Oooooh, serrano ham" in my best Andy Bell voice

And they want our Shannon water as well. They'll probably use it to remove incriminating evidence after a gangland crime

How did they describe the entrance of someone who arrives late before the invention of the waltz

Partner's niece won an underage county gaelic football final with her team. I dunno if there was any controversy over her getting her place back right away after missing the semi-final to go see Hamilton in London's the West End

DogMan finally covering the Dublin Lock-Out

Traditional butchers hate vegan sausages due to market erosion and the fact that the other side's shrinkage due to dogs running off with links of bangers in their mouths is non-existent

Ex-fucking-scuse me 1997 Robert Hughes?

What's the first thing Loreaine McIntosh and Ricky Ross do when they come back from holidays? They put away those souvenirs, souvenirs, souvenirs

KOOOYAAAAANIS

I remember there'd be moaning at World Cups that Brazil and the likes of Rivaldo and Ronaldinho used to only bring out the tricks when they were 2-0 up

C Ronaldo won't be at the next World Cup but Shakira will, please God

meanwhile, nobody showed up to the racist protest at coolock garda station because they accidentally scheduled it for 1000 years into the future

A few reducers going in on Karchaoui early doors

CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND (1977)

Growing a row of PLO peas, they're Yasser marrowfats

Did you know that Scooby Doo is a highly sought role among canine actors? Yes, every pup dreams of playing the Great Dane.

Hardly the ref's fault that Cork decided to do a passing drill in time added-on to time added-on

I'd have Quaid's save in the second half as the better one, as he was moving away from the ball

Ben O'Connor seems excessively chippy, even for a Corkman

Ireland's smallest, neediest mammal is the pick me shrew

Putting a biro behind your ear that way is psychotic

Everyone getting their licks in, which is fine, but I will not stand for a man being laughed at for Getting the Deal on multipack crisps

Who would've thought a simple set dresser would've gone on to become one of David Lynch's most iconic characters

Football trouble or Early Modern intrigue?

Don't hear much about quants these days

Oh, I just thought it must be a different lawyer previously involved in a water pollution case who also happened to be called Erin Brockovich, thanks for clarifying

When you call her Betty

lol @ u if you haven't cast a clout by now

It's beyond sultry this evening, it's torrid

I would title my Papal encyclical whatever the Latin for 'Ah, lads' is

Had to get the right winter jacket back out of the wardrobe to go to the Gaelic Grounds last Sunday, heading there again now in shorts and a thin shirt. Stop the world and let me off

Kerry win that handily in the second half through bossing possession and booting deuces, if they don't choose the way of throwing punches and swinging arms

My head is on Mars. Ref's decision; book a player each

This ref will allow Clifford to take out the blade and flense a Donegal man, and give him a free-in

Never want to hear Kerry cryarsing aga8n, at least Murphy got a yellow for what he did

The enemy today is Co. Kerry. There is also a game of gaelic football on

We used to have Yasser Arafat, now we say no sir to buccal fat

POV: You have a chance to solve the Bonus Catchphrase but you have to restrain yourself from saying something crude on national TV when you’re asked to “say what you see”