i woke up at 5 this morning and i had to piss soooo bad but i had a giant stiff boner and i physically couldn't aim the boner at the toilet to squeeze out the piss

bluesky chicken cum sandwich discourse

okay i guess i got a finally listen to clairo?

baked potatoes are crazy meal tech they're insanely cheap and you can fr just do whatever with them today i threw some leftover bbq chicken and BBQ sauce and macaroni on one and it's so fucking good

thank you to all the $10 tippers out there 🫡

no one really talks about how vince staples is such a good creative he's literally never done anything where you can't feel the passion he put into it

there's literally no point in having a bike lane unless that bike lane is physically separated from the road with a divider

this will always be the funniest video in the world

in like 5 years i'm tryna be an absent father who only talks to my kid so i can smoke them in a fighting game and make fun of their music taste

you know the post ass when you don't get the saya like

i wonder how much SSD i would need to just start saving every post

yeah that's fine i'll work 6 hours this week whatever bro

thank you gboard for turning every short sentence into a sticker

what are you actually supposed to do when someone approaches you and you don't fw them i just told her i was still getting over my ex but that felt like the wrong dialogue option

rejecting someone is mad embarrassing ngl

he's so unbelievably real youtu.be/G6Bi7CfmHaI

why is the bluetooth audio in my car like 3x quieter than the android auto audio

mathematically i'm doing better than you

instagram is evil for showing you who viewed your stories

when your meat lowkey mad hard

remember parkour civilization

aegis labeller

never give anyone the power to control the information you consume especially not “friendly” community leaders

the urge to weaponize moderation lists is just too high for some people

how many times can you troll the same person before it becomes harassment

how the hell did we even settle on the lethal injection for executions it's literally the least humane execution method we've ever had

FUCK MY STUPID CHUNGUS LIFE

auto renew just bent my bank account over and started pounding it bro wtf

if browsers were made today there would be 100 blocklists baked in and it would automatically make links with bad words smaller and stop you from going to controversial pages and they'd still be banned from app stores

you must provoke 100 internet strangers to find the one that will have an entertaining crash out

today for lunch i had 10 chicken nuggets and 4 bell peppers

sending people reels/tiktoks is the worst way to communicate you're literally assigning me homework bro just talk to me

people will literally leave church and go to a restaurant where they'll be rude and tip $0

yeah i'm killing myself tell me why i'm scheduled on sunday lunch for the next 3 weeks and all 3 weeks are with the only person there that i hate with a burning passion and she's the manager

i should use my spare PSP as an iPod in my car

theyre telling me that getting burnt actually hurts? wtf

are we deadass

aren't airtags really bad for tracking stolen stuff because they always tell the guy who stole your stuff that there's an airtag following them

they're telling me taylor swift dropped out of 5th grade english

more like gayboi farti

jesse singal has a content warning on his account, hardly posts on bluesky, and gets very little engagement when he does actually post… why are so many people just continually streisand affecting him and his name?? that ship has sailed, keep your eyes on the ball everyone

look what you made me do is a strong contender for worst song ever made

why the fuck does cici's pizza exist

hmm yes i think i will join the invite only experimental social media protocol that uses composable moderation, cryptography, and decentralization, in order to talk about how those things are horrible and people who like them are evil and bluesky should abandon them and be “twitter, but i am elon”

attention all cyclists if you're going to shit in the woods please walk a little further back so i don't have to make eye contact with you while you're shitting in the woods

i got black i got white what you want

today in tips i got 0 dollars