Me when the present opening starts and I fetch the black bag

In our latest episode we are joined by 90's TV sensation @webding.bsky.social of @tuftyclub.bsky.social to discuss retro football video games. Let us know the best/worst football games you've played and don't forget to leave us a review for continuing to bring you all these famous guests. #RETRO

The wife just sent me this with the message “this is you” It’s absolute nonsense though. I pack n + 1 (where n is the number of nights away), so I actually plan on shitting myself exactly once

Double figures for neutral venue losses. Do I get a badge or something?

Did self-scan at Asda. Felt like I was wearing a Blades shirt in the Wendy end

In fairness, “Catholic Cardinals” sounds like a righteous ice hockey team, so it should be no surprise they voted in a yank

Is there more birder around this year, or is it just me (noticing, not doing)? #birder

Had to listen three times 🍆🤧

Ah, an email from the Sheffield United club shop. 50% off? Lovely. Let’s spend my club cash. CLICK First item that comes up: a flammable sleeping bag with arms for 52 (FIFTY-TWO) English Pounds. And that’s half price Think I’ll be getting socks again #sufc #bskyblades

THEY HAVE RISEN #Easter #EasterSunday

Very glad no bouncers searched me last night given I was wandering around Sheffield with a bag of parsnips in my coat (not a euphemism)

Bought a grab bag of pickled onion Monster Munch from the same shop for two nights running. Pretty sure the bloke is ready to stage an intervention

Coming up for a year of being reminded of Stephen Bettis every time I open the BBC Sounds app. It’s like having a photo of him in your wallet* * not saying I haven’t got that as well

Did a picture

My two-year old daughter took one look at this Feathers McGraw toy and declared “Pengy Chick-Chick” Does this make it a good disguise or a bad disguise?

SNEK

My sleep-deprived brain just read the name of the Wednesday women’s team as “Swill FC”

Going to sleep is the ultimate fake it until you make it

These mystery Mario Pringles taste of spicy veg, so I’m gonna go with “Salsa, but because it’s Mario themed, they will say it’s Fire Flower” Admittedly not a very snappy name though

As someone who generally sticks to use by dates, I’ve given myself a challenge by checking the fridge after tea

“Shorts at all times” lads- you can let it go in this weather. We really don’t mind

Time for a January 1st tradition of getting my annual bit of high culture out of the way as early as possible by watching the Vienna New Year’s Day Concert

With injuries mounting up, fatigue kicking in, suspensions on the way and new owners in place, it’s time to ask the big questions as January looms What’s the most Christmas breakfast you’ve had in the last week?

🎶 It’s the most wonderful dump of the year 🎶

🎶 It was #Christmas Eve babe In the drunk tank A goldfish said to me “How do you drive this thing?” 🎶

Need to declare that I’m almost a week into the Christmas diet

Just seen some rich blokes wagging work to go for a joyride

🥳 COMPETITION Yo, it's Xmas-ish and our shop is full of wonkily doodled football nonsense - SO as we're new here & still trying to rediscover our Twitter pals (& hopefully vice versa) if would be ace if you could share this post & we'll chuck a free set of mugs to 2 lucky RTers 🛒 noscoredraws.com

What happened here?

Yes, hopefully

Advent calendar time and l before the first window is even open, it’s almost as if Beavertown know me. Superb stuff

It is way better on here but the stupid algorithm thinks I like all things American Constant drivel about mystifying public holidays and padded rugby is almost as tedious as the bots and bigots from the other place

I feel like my snowman has been a visual indicator of Twitter this last week

United’s parachute boys didn’t even need their massive wage bill to roll over poor opponents in a dour but ultimately comfortable Sheffield derby at Bramall Lane ☁️ soundcloud.com/tufty-club/2... 🟢 open.spotify.com/episode/5f3r... 🍎 podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/i... #sufc #bskyblades #SHUSHW

What do I want for Christmas?

RIP to Vic Fleck, guitarist on the James Bond theme. Created a lasting legacy and influenced generations of players… including this master of the James Bond Chord m.youtube.com/shorts/v-g9w...

Come midnight, I’m either going to be walking in the air, or dead #thesnowman

Surely there has to be a better way of doing #Glastonbury tickets. Ballot? Ballet? Just summat that doesn’t waste a million cumulative hours of a Sunday anyway. Imagine all the cars going unwashed. Dogs staring wistfully at their lead. Garden centres echoing to the empty sounds of disappointment

Just catching up on #Strictly and have got as far as Pete. Blimey.

I will be running classes via an exclusive WhatsApp group for only 10 (TEN) pounds per month. Bonus content available via Patreon. Free certificate on opening your first pack when you use the code #BeatTheBaconOneNil