It's finally Friday. The weekend has begun, you have a new friend request waiting, and your new favorite song is on repeat. Life is good.

Hell yeah, I love these sorts of stories. Fake artists, possible fraud, the whole shebang

It’s with a heavy heart that I must announce I’m auctioning off my golf course to the lowest bidder

Mortgage broker? Yep, broke him too

My non-Euclidean girlfriend has curves in all the wrong places, if you know what I mean

Watched Akira (1988) for the first time since 2004/2005. I forgot 98% of what happens in the movie. I remembered it being gross, but forgot how violent it was too. Especially forgot the weird ending. Anyway it’s a good movie

I broke my slinky so now I can only use it on ramps

Shampoo for my real friends. Real poo for my sham friends

I love to store things in a cool dry place away from direct sunlight

Watching Citizen Kane now is less about watching a highly influential cinematic classic, and more about discovering how The Simpsons writers got inspiration for about a dozen different jokes all from the one movie

That’s where they put all the dads who ask stupid questions

Shy latte

Did you know that they made Cars 3 in 2017, and it was a legacy sequel? 11 years between 1 and 3 is too short a gap for a legacy sequel if you ask me

Writing a letter to everyone I know, apologising for the way I was 5 years ago. Repeating that every 5 years

The way the fabric lined up has turned Mr Tickle into a Del Toro-esque nightmare creature

The Fly (1986). What a gross movie. Positively festy. 5 stars

Remember when Iain had a tiny mouth

Just watched Godzilla Minus One. Pretty good. They made Godzilla scary and that was a good choice. The human drama was really well done and you’re not always asking “Where’s Poochie?” when they’re happening, which is rare for a kaiju movie

What’s the average number of dreams people have where Weird Al comes to your town and you hang out with him before a concert? Because I’m probably doing it the normal amount of times per annum

Bigger than Ben? Her?

Katamari Pharmacy

The gayer gender

Check out this perfect halloumi. I’m da chef baby

Nirvanna The Band The Show The Movie really is great like everyone says. What a time

Yeah I got a “Hidden Mickey” for you right here! (I pull down my pants and everyone is horrified at the shape of my genitals. More than that, they are concerned. Doctors are called. I’m ushered away for study. Medical journals are written about me. I am, of course, sued by the Disney corporation)

This capsicum was pregnant

A roommate is the coworker of the house

Instead of games, I have spent twenty real-world dollars on an ebook of The Lord Of The Rings and will use my infant hostage time to finally read the books. I started today and am up to Bilbo disappearing after his speech at the party

Making myself laugh thinking about a New Zealander saying “TikTok”

Wanna make an app for an Australian company whose name starts with W? You better like the colour red

Jesus had the right idea. Have a big dinner the night before Good Friday, then camp out in a cave by yourself until the long weekend’s finished

Exclusive new photo of Earth from NASA's Artemis II

Bluesky is dying and allow me to show you this graph as proof

In the early 1990s, following the success of the miniseries, Lucy Maud Montgomery’s family set up a phone line where fans could talk to the protagonist of the “Green Gables” series. At $1.99/minute, the service was shut down in less than three months. But many still speak fondly of PhonelyAnnes

Paincakes

(Doing normal things once the Cold & Flu tablets have kicked in) This is incredible, I feel so good. I bet this is what people feel like when they take drugs

@johnweinert1.bsky.social there was a John lookalike waiting at a bus stop this afternoon. I would’ve stopped but in was on the way to a daycare pickup. Thought you’d be interested to know

It’s almost Easter, gotta get some HXBs

Thus begins two days of the internet being even less usable than normal

I really hate how gendered kids clothes are for non-licensed things. Girls stuff is all frilly and pink and “INNOCENT UNICORN PRINCESS” whereas boys clothes is all black or blue tshirts that say “I SHIT FARTS”

Multi level marketing? Scam. Large language model? Scam. Any two-or-more combination of L and M is guaranteed to be a scam. If some sleazy guy starts spruiking some MML or LML thing to you in the next couple years, shoot him on sight

Trying to find a game to play on my phone while I’m stuck on the couch with a newborn, I came across this list. As a result, I’ve decided to ban developers from the phrases “roguelike”, “roguelite”, and “deckbuilder” until they prove they can be responsible with them appraven.net/collection/3...

This R has upset me

You can’t put the toothpaste back in the genie

Flossing my teeth the Japanese way (right to left, top to bottom)

Someone please remind me that I need to buy some more tooth floss tomorrow

Someone smarter than me might be able to do a better job of this. Basically I’ve been trying to make this very specific fact about the Somerton Man line up with the lyrics to the Roxette song “It Must Have Been Love”, but this is the best I can do. His note “Tamam Shud” Means “it’s over now”

Humans are the only mammals who retain the ability to suck after infancy - as you can see from the below examples

Rent/mortgage, petrol, and sometimes groceries (as a little treat)

When portmanteaus are worried they’re starting to drift apart, to save their relationship they often do a vowel renewal