I sense a great evil approaching. I can't tell if it is approaching for me specifcally or for all of us but it is coming.

oh past me do I have some news for you

Oh hey. Look what I found in my photo archives @protonjon.bsky.social

@therealshrum.bsky.social Shrum is a portmanteau of Shrek cum and everyone must learn of this revelation.

The fact that people won't even respect a cartoon goofball when he says don't call me Blitzo, my name is Blitz should be a sign that maybe American society is failing in the autonomy department.

It's been like 9 years but still thinking about that time I offered to help assemble pamphlets to the director of a homeless shelter I was staying at and she started to explain what collating is and I was like "I know how to collate, I've done this plenty of times." And she was like shocked for some

Can't believe protonjon wished me a happy birthday on my lucahjin fan account THAT HE FOLLOWED WAY BACK when I had like 40 followers on it. Which is funny because LUCAHJIN IS HIS WIFE AND HE'S WATCHING ME BE A GOOBER on bluesky geeking out about the person he signed the paper with.

“Is it okay for a social media platform to be an echo chamber” back in the day we had websites and websites were generally focused on a single topic and if you were into that topic you would visit that website and if you weren’t into that topic you just didn’t go on that website and it was fine

Conservative idea of unrealistic representation: black jewish rapper Nissim Black: 👁️ 👅 👁️

Any trans woman who talks about sex online: I am sex positive! *makes a sex joke* puriteens: you're not even trans, you're just here to make trans people look bad you pervert Literally normal people: She is allowed to talk about sex you shit stirrer

YES I WANT TO FUCK MONTY'S BACKWOODS GATOR ASS LEAVE ME ALONE LMAO

If he was ACTUALLY rich, he wouldn't have needed health insurance to get his healrhcare. If his insurance denied a claim, he'd literally just pay out of pocket IF he was rich. If you need insurance to pay for something and can't afford it on your own, that means you're not rich.

The weirdest thing about trauma is that it seems normal if you have experienced it since childhood. One of the big moments that made me realize my childhood was fucked up was I was telling the story of how I found out Steve Irwin died and it was my mom and I got home and immediately my dad said

racists think they're seen as deep thinkers when in reality, people see them how Nicky and Alex see Lorna in Orange is the New Black: dimwitted and it's funny to laugh about.

the only reason that tech was ever remotely left-coded was that in the early 2010s they consciously aligned themselves with what appeared to be the dominant political party. that meant large donations to Dems and nominal gestures toward diversity. as soon as the winds shifted they swung right.

🐟🧢 x.com/platypupu/st... #furry

Some random Nazi made dozens of accounts to try to harass me today when blocking malfunctioned, & *still* failed because not one single person engaged. It seems everyone on Bluesky got the memo. React to nothing. Starve them out. They're so desperate for a crumb of attention. Deny them.

"MY UNCLE IS A COP!!!!" So is mine and he groped my breast when I was 16 at a grocery store when my family was picking up food to eat at my grandmother's visitation and when I hit him for it, he told my mom I'd hit him and when I tried to tell her he'd touched my breast she wouldn't let me speak.

Right wingers are fully embracing pedophiles and blaming queer people for pedophilia existing while I, an actual queer person would fling myself off a cliff if I so much as had a single thought about touching a child in a sexual manner.

Just had the weirdest memory pop up. In the summer, my middle school would have a summer school program with fun classes like book club and movie club and woodworking and shit. And the 8th grade literature teacher taught book club and sometimes he'd take us outside and we'd each get a few off brand

You don't want to live off the grid, you just don't want your neighbors right next to you and you want to feel like you're responsible for your own survival instead of it being filtered through 500 different sources. And that is normal and okay but be honest about it.

I didnt watch the fight how badly did Mike Tyson ruin Jake Paul's face?

When your cat turns around and puts their butt in your face

Half my posts are dead serious and the other half are the stupidest jokes ever. Have fun being blindsided when I really do give you anal beads for christmas.

I give you the gift of christmas anal beads. No, I mean anal beads. WTF is a garland?

Am I lonely? Yes, but unlike incels, I fill my time with things I enjoy and spend time with friends instead of blaming women on me just not being what they want. I know who I am and am fine living my life alone if it means I an happy. I don't need a relationship to be happy. I just need to be me.

I'm still gay motherfucker

save your anger for now. You'll need it later. They won't trike yet. You need to be ready when they do

if you can watch the end to homeward bound without crying you're not human

I'm gay motherfucker

My cat, when I try to play with him: *acts like he doesn't understand playing* My cat when I've just woken up and am stumbling to the bathroom half asleep: I'M GONNA GETCHA I'M GONNA BITE YA TOES

If I cook for you, it means I love you. Cooking for people is one of my major ways of showing love. I fucking love it.

Me: It's late I should sleep My upstairs neighbors: FUCK YA SLEEP PATTERN Me: Guess I'll make a fried pork steak and eat it instead. And yes, I did and yes it was delicious.

I did not know an orgasm could last several minutes until tonight. Ngl, that was way too long to be orgasming. Got super annoying after like a minute and a half. Like bruh it's over you can knock it off down there.

Vegans: That's a life you're eating Me: So is that celery. Plants are alive, too murderer! Vegans: WHAT THE FUCK YOU CAN'T DO THAT

Clearly not the intended purpose of the luchadore and scuba clothing on hero forge but I just had to

Dear Walmart grocery delivery driver: Don't knock on my door 3 times when I put in the instructions not to knock. You're not being helpful, you're being stupid. Don't place a bakery cake on it's side. I should not have to tell you this. And don't place all my items off to the side

Tumblr is great because I can queue my posts to make it look like I actually have a handle on my life whereas on here I just log on whenever and shitpost until I pass out.

Am I good at digital art? No Am I trying to get better? Also no Am I going to post it anyway because I want to? Yeah.

Me: *makes an account for me and gets 10 followers* Me: *makes an account chronicling the goober behavior of a horse milf vtuber and gets 300 followers* This is the internet in a nutshell. You are legally obligated to respond with an Austin Powers reference to that.

Groups of kids: 30+ Times the costume was recognized: 2 Times I got the hat stuck in the doorway: 2 Not a bad Halloween night candy shift.

shitty neighbors cant hurt me I have the power of watching lucahjin and protonjon on my side

Making a difference in someone's life isn't always buying them things they lack (sometimes it absolutely is and that's valid too.). Sometimes it's just making sure they know they matter to you.

@protonjon.bsky.social because of the cursed text bit in tonight's stream I curse you with a bagel ransom note with alternating fonts between vladmir script and comic sans. Was gonna alternate between comic sans and papyrus for the meme factor but it was too legible.

Words said moments before disaster: "You see these? These are bad."

Shoutout to the partnered streamer back when I was starting out who came into my stream with his thousands of viewers to make fun of me live. The spite I felt that day motivated me to never be like you as a content creator. I can proudly say that in every single way, I am a better creator than you.

Tom is asking the real questions here...

We're in an era of technological advancement where it has both slowed to a crawl and we're simply not impressed by it anymore.