huge news

just finished my crochet Morningstar, anyone want me to kill them with it

I’m bored and it’s too early to go to bed- friends reply to this and I’ll draw ur profile pic as Garf 😇 (mine below hehe)

her: you must be a strawberry Gromit with a smaller strawberry Gromit on your head if you think we’re fucking me:

Must watch cinema

okay some points were made

just paid $10 for a bagel sandwich I better see god when I take the first bite

I have 2 invite codes waiting to be snatched up, does anyone need one to pass along?

I’m sorry I have to speak my truth, my fake ass roommate reskeeted this like he’s not absolutely enamored with my cat….what’s the deal @perfectsweeties.bsky.social ???

opening up a 24/7 bidetkery™️ (pronounced like bidet + bakery) where you can get a warm treat for your ass any time

I’m obsessed with the new shark week programming discovery tries to come up with. Yesterday I watched Jaws vs The Meg and it was an hour of marine biologists figuring out who would win in a fight: a shark, or a bigger shark. Incredible stuff.

he’s working so hard to keep this post afloat

i don’t want maria menounos to get old

as much as I love that bluesky doesn’t have ads, I love coming across the most cursed promoted tweets

if anyone needs me I’ll be listening to the new Mitski single on repeat

if you handed me a bag of these I would start crunching on em

this baby is turning 10 tomorrow!!!

I just killed so many pikmin I may be considered a war criminal

Mitski and Carly Rae Jepsen releasing new music this week is the Barbenheimer for the audio world

she Carly on my Rae til I Jepsen

Happy Monday binches anyone else feeling empty inside after experiencing Barbenheimer?

every time one of my Pikmin dies

Happy Pikmin day btw

bungee jumping using a nerds rope

rat dinner

Air quality alert be damned, I will be having myself a chicago summer

Monday again?

The rewards of getting a cute haircut vs the mortifying ordeal of none of your coworkers noticing it

MFW someone at work asks me if I know how to convert a PDF to word

I’m sorry, I have no choice but to make Hugh Grant Oompa Loompa my entire personality

Me after one hit

Reskeet w a pic & ur age 27 (and I don’t know who I am)

TOM WAMBSGANS SQUEAKY TOY

going ✈️ lizard mode (roasting in the sun on a big rock)

Reskeet w a pic and your age 27 🤠

me if I ever run into a stick bug

Friday night babyyyyy

help! My cat’s Italian

pranking my friends by challenging them to a DDR battle (I put their dance mat over a pit of quicksand)

inventing a sentient velcro that screams in agony when you unfasten it

thanks to global warming, cuffing season now takes place in summer as well bc the air outside is too toxic

Groot as Macklemore: Walk into the club like whattup I got a twig cock

i want to sit in the waves until i’m weathered and smooth like a piece of green sea glass

Carly Rae dropping new music next month !!!!!!

MTV Cribbed for her pleasure

what’s a girl gotta do to get 420 followers these days

if you’re ever mean to me I have the right to crumble a piece of paper in your ear and pretend I can’t hear you