this guy instinctively knows how to use this weapon

Probably a bad sign for the overall pride of this nation that my new mid-thirties guy affliction of "tearing up during national anthems" doesn't apply to the USA's at all

MAHA death toll mounts after RFK jr says the reflecting pool is "supposed to look and smell that way" and "drinking it is the best way to cleanse toxins from the body"

"babe I'm about to hit the gym, have you seen my humongous bottle of ooze?"

Watching Jaws, of course. I guess Quint quickly drew a shark on the chalkboard during the meeting and nobody noticed because they were arguing?

ordered the FIFA World Cup™ Meal from mcdonalds

Ocean's 11 garcia's goon guys appreciation post

They should make OG give a speech

"i think our cats are somehow the most straight and gayest creatures alive. if you allow me, i can explain this theory, i think" - i just texted this to my gf

"i think oue cats are somehow the most straight and gayest creatures alive. if you allow me, i can explain this theory, i think" - i just texted this to my gf

Hey wussup I'm on the computer cause there's a guy here to repair my AC and I think it would be weird if I was like playing video games or something so I'm on the computer pretending like I'm doing my job even though I'm just typing this

i watched five minutes of the tony hinchcliffe special and i think im ok with the next democratic president rounding all us standups up and hitting our brains with the cattle gun

House of Dragon, the most popular show that I can't remember a single thing about episode to episode

my dad is half-norwegian so i can say this: though he seems like a good guy, i would not willingly see a picture of erling haaland

my house of dragon take: dragons should have wings that are not also part of their legs. they should be separate limbs

telling boomer men that John Fogerty is actually from Berkeley, California is one of the greatest thrills in this life

met a guy at the grocery store

I find it really charming when gambling guys know a lot about the WNBA

we're making the japanese and swedish international teams compete in [reading] arlington texas? showing the world our nasty hole

I have the same hair as Stephon Castle. When you picture me, know that that's the hair I have

Many of my colleagues and friends after the second half: doubt Me:

They call me "Castle" cause I be Nathan Fillion myself

ah man my robot vacuum died today. both of my cats were scared when i took him to the trash room of my building tho. i think he would have liked that rip king

If you know a person named Nick or Nikki, a cute thing to say to them tonight would be "hey nick, while all eyes are on msg, you're the only nick I wanna see tonight". I just said it to a nick I know and I think he found it very moving

Got hit with my first (hopefully of many) "you look like graham platner"s this weekend. i know he's no angel but i prefer this to last year where strangers seemed to be positively addicted to telling me i look like jd vance

Enjoying the song about potential adventures I could go on with Ms. Frizzle and the class but then I hear the lyric "you might get baked into a pie!" and I'm like "oh yo uh wait, I dunno if I wanna do all that now!"

Stopped myself before expressing a very Dad-style observation to my gf that, according to my weather app, it's 1 degrees colder in Manhattan than it is in Astoria today

Rewatching John Wick. Love that The Continental has tvs in the rooms. Imagining John sitting on the bed in this highly stylized hotel room watching American Dad reruns

Don't even like The Mandalorian that much but I know I've been around my gf's mom too long because when Baby Yoda came up she said "oh that cartoon?" and I snapped, "Well he's a puppet..."

They moved the Preakness to the town where my parents live this year

my band teacher told me he wouldnt teach me how to play slap bass like flea because it would be medically irresponsible to let people hear my fat thumbs go to town on them strings

Film Twitter Bro weighs in

"if you dick me down I will become more powerful than you could possibly imagine"

No profession has been as brutally savaged by a TV show. Saw this episode as a kid and still harbor absolute contempt for these little men as an adult

If you wondering who I roll with? Best not

paw check

Imagining the newsroom from The Wire freaking out about this. It's all a scheme hatched by Templton and McNalty, of course

A modern Pontius Pilate. So in tune with the murderous desires of his city's heathen masses

[bowie Heroes voice] We can be baby just for one day

The influence Trump has on the funny voice I use with my cats should be considered if and when we discuss reparations post his presidency. It could even very well be that I have to pay some money to HIM because my cats benefit from me using his cadence on them. I don't know!

Me rubbing my itchy eyes: Haha fuck yeah!!! Yes!! Me now with eyes that are watery and hard to keep open: Well this fucking sucks. What the fuck.

Monty

Now that ya boi has little scratch, I'm thinking about getting myself a Ps5 for my birthday, but jesus christ how am I supposed convince my gf to let me keep this fucking ai data center Monolith cuboid in the room she primarily uses to cross stich?

Bored at my parents house watching the ucaa championship alone and trying to decide who to root for but then...check this shit out: Tim UCONNholz

Flo needs to make examples of these pretenders

[shoves Jesus back into the tomb, pushing the stone back in front as the crowd boos] Wait I just want to see something

Data on Star Trek is great because someone will be rude to him and he will go “there is no need for an apology doctor, I have no feelings for you to hurt” and then he will stare at them for 10 solid seconds like you gonna believe that ya dickhead?

it would be crazy if it happens while you're on a plane because some of the passengers would start crying and like have no where to go for hours while everyone else is really happy and laughing and going nuts

Was thinking about what I'd say to Zohran if I saw him on the street in Astoria and I landed on putting on a thick old school nyc style accent and be like "hey waidasecan ain't yuse duh mayah???"

My two cats have only known each other for a few years but sometimes when they're fighting I can sense in their eyes there's some sort of cosmic battle between them that they've been waging for centuries, potentially before the physical realm as we know it even existed