Was unemployed and sad all year but I had my tunes

Rewatching Happiest Season. The family in this is just as evil as the Sawyers from Texas Chainsaw Massacre jesus

It is once again that hallowed time of year, where my dad, The Mad Man of Thanksgiving himself, makes an insanely comprehensive spreadsheet for the renowned holiday meal

Er wünscht sich Bratwurst und Sauerkraut

dont say "Piss Station" in the PlayStation robot voice at the urinal challenge (impossible)

second verse on this is one of the funniest things i've ever heard

Ah, together at last

Imagine collapsing to the floor and when you wake up you realize the doctor treating you is Dr. Oz

My psychiatrist has her desk in front of these huge, bright windows so this is what she looks like in our sessions

if the bassist looks like this you’re gonna die in the pit

My boys wrasslin'

Early vote for Zman @zohrankmamdani.bsky.social

my man hitting em with the "ehhh heh heh heh"

ordered chipotle

i know it sucks but it must feel a little fun to be that guy with the backhoe destroying the white house. that’s like the final boss of operating heavy machinery

Tried to sneak a photo of a cute doggo and accidentally had long exposure on and I believe I have created man’s greatest expression of art

Do you think there's a stolen valor situation when Werewolf comes to the Monster Mash? He's the only one there who is alive and he's only spooky once a month. Like most of his life he's just a guy who works as a project manager somewhere

The guy in the penthouse of my building is out on his balcony blasting...what sounds like footage from a particularly contentious clash between ice and protesters. Sounds like an odd way to hang but, enjoy brother

Finally finished a job application and then got this

caught my vampire neighbor creeping through my front door. he claims my saying “for sure dude, we should definitely hang out sometime” the other night counts as an invitation, but I disagree. we’re on hold with the etiquette hotline

Homer Simpson could easily befriend Donkey Kong I think

The clip where you get the context at the end has me dying

This is fucked up

Officially sent over 300 job applications

Seeing John Carpenter live tonight. His life is so cool. Playing the music from your cult hit movies with your son and your son's best friend? Thats just what life is all about man

statler: i heard she wrote “wood” about his penis waldorf: yeah and “cancelled!” about his playoff plans ha ha ha ha

Flo taught me zeal The Geico Gecko taught me humility Limu Emu and Doug taught me friendship Jake from State Farm taught me community The General taught me honor 🫡

Rewatching Nope (2022). Movie is ok but gotta give it 10/10 sheerly for the amount of cool band shirts I want to own and wear

Imagining HP Lovecraft having a conversation with Travis Kelce, encountering a white guy who talks like a black guy for the first time

This Bunny, well, he's up to no good

An all-time bit for me is when I was a kid at summer camp and some of the counselors performed as a cover band for us and the first song they played was "Breaking The Law" by Judas Priest and at the end of the song they were like "But seriously kids, do NOT break the law!"

I'm the guy who learned about the word "cancelled" through a Taylor Swift song

Not a yankees fan but i will not stand for an american team losing in a stadium covered in Tim Hortons ads

All right enough about the blood money comedians. Let’s talk GOOD comedians. I saw @davidjroth.bsky.social link to this special once and it had me dying. youtu.be/g9NT46SGqFY?...

If I ever met the Geico gecko I'd be really chill about it. Wouldn't phase me at all

Guy at the desk at the gym almost didnt let me in because in my original gym photo I look like "a much younger guy"

ordered popeyes

Told this guy, "I'm walkin' here!" but all he heard was "walk" and got excited

“I’m strong and I want to have like fifty kids and a farm” of course you do. You’re twelve. “I don’t want to eat vegetables I think steak and French fries is the only meal” hell yeah homie you’re twelve. “Maybe if there’s crime we should just send the army” bless your heart my twelve year old buddy

Dont need Jabba's son I need a job, son

bill maher: the jedi…[smoothly hitting his cigar] need to get laid, ok?? jabba: oh ho ho ho

they should make a version of the return of the jedi where alan dershowitz is in the background in jabba's palace. like no one acknowledges him hes just one of the guys standing around all the time

Watching Full Metal Jacket. I would simply not do the army stuff I think. Dont really care for doing all that crap they are doing

Mullen after being completely silent for a third of an episode

Ladies, I am proud to drink this, for you

ordered chipotle

Looking at the Saudi-run comedy festival. He looks like he's hiding behind Jimmy Carr because his dick is out

Astoria Pilled

I think we can all agree, none of this would have happened if we hadnt let Joker (2019) be released in theaters

I have just received what I believe may be the biggest news story of the day.