I PBd 5/6 exercises and my tits look massive…

Agreed to see my old PT for a free session today, as it edges closer I feel nothing but remorse for putting myself through this again

Forgive the evil expression on my face, but I had a lovely weekend with Keiran out in Wales

Why is Wales allergic to 5G?

Accidentally missed a very important work call because I took my lunch break at the wrong time and got the timing entirely off…

Jsut made Keiran a lovely sweet potato gnocchi in broccoli sauce and he called it “Halloween soup”…

The extended instrumental at the end of How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful will never cease to enthrall me

I jsut want to talk to the creator of today’s wordle

Optimising jet lag by going swimming when I’d usually be asleep

I’ve gone from 35C weather to -3C weather and I couldn’t be happier. I feel so alive

Spray paint a plane and they'll detain you without trial and call you a terrorist. Kidnap a foreign head of state - and Keir Starmer will make it clear we've played no part in it but will wait for the scheduled press conference in a few hours before potentially condemning it

Jsut had my first Pepsi Max in two weeks

I had 3 bowls, then a lovely shower, and now I’m ready to go on this 13 hour slog

This airport lounge has on demand wonton soup and also ice cream. I’m going spherical mode

Now been on TRT for a year… Pros: > Not tired all the time (main win) > Solid gym gains and weight loss > Beard is fuller Cons: > So so much back / shoulder hair > 3x week injections hurt my tummy > 24/7 libido through the roof > It’s a constant mental effort to not purposely OD and get shredded

After 250 years of the USA I think it’s finally time to wrap it up and shut it all down. You guys tried and it’s overwhelmingly been a disaster

My New Year’s resolution is to be less nice

Thailand has been setting off fireworks nonstop since 2100. Absolutely insane country (in a good way). Also a nonstop flow of paper lanterns out over the sea

Penultimate day, burnt my shoulders, happy NYE

Looking to sell script and rights to my Bee Network themed porno: tRammed

I was once in the same plane cabin as Miriam Margoyles flying back from New York / I was sat one row behind Charli XCX and her then boyfriend on a flight to Stockholm

Out: Christmas Gooch In: Festive Interregnum

Every Buck’s Fizz I’ve been served so far this holiday has, in fact, been a Mimosa and I’m not happy about it

Said I thought Charlie Kirk’s death was funny (ironically funny) and now my family are acting like I’m a monster

Subsequently attacked by a jellyfish

This boat has a crew of 9 and there are only 4 of us aboard. Being extra nice because we won’t survive a mutiny

Massage therapist kept laughing at how big my feet are :(

I’ve jsut been VICIOUSLY attacked by a praying mantis

No voice reveal from me because if you’ve heard my voice then you know I sound like a low monotone drone

It’s 31C in Ao Nang. I am MELTING

Ebenezer Scrooge: Takes 2 steps out the front door The Whole of London: “Ooh here comes Mr Cunt!” and they then wonder why he’s miserable

Once again facing off against my most ancient nemesis: Heathrow Terminal 2

Very much taking advantage of briefly having a full length mirror

Live band in the motorway services, like these places aren’t already overstimulating enough

I’m never making a pie again. Why did it take 4 hours jsut to make the filling???

For the untimely death of Col. Ibrahim, RTD is to be hung, drawn, and quartered at 1600 today in the town square

I keep getting this offer and it’s cracking me up. UK to Armenia via Bogotá???

T-minus 10 days until I get to leave this godforsaken rock

Got it up to 3/4. Mummy won’t be tired ok arrival now x

Did we ever find out who Claire Obscure was?

Have to go to the hinterlands tomorrow to play rugby

1kg left to 100kg and I’m finally starting to see a difference

Spotify said I was 52. If you need me I’ll be looking into funeral plans and cheap local care homes

There must be a fleeting period whilst on a medieval torture rack where the stretch feels real good

Lowest weight I’ve recorded since I was 18!

Salary sacrifice pension tax raid jsut feels spiteful at this point

My flat is so hot I’ve had to open all the windows because I’m overheating. Modern energy efficient buildings are atrocious

Why is getting Lily Allen tickets so bloody hard?

Going back to my parents’ really makes me realise how disgusting the water tastes in Manchester

It actually does work because I’m overheating to an insane degree in this hot tub