i can't believe it's almost locktober

guy doing the opening for Return to Innocence:

how it feels when you realize the journey is the destination

thanksgiving weekend in NYC is an awesome time to be on tinder if you weren't actually hoping to meet up with anyone until next week

i'm grateful for all of you guys. and for dick cages, of course

my work is addicted to making me take little personality quizzes, which is great for me, a girl who was on the internet in 2003-2005

ever since i was a little girl, i knew i wanted to be one half of a couple fighting at a low but pointed volume on the train

just want to make it clear that i would never shame a man for being a gawk gawk machine

in another life, i would have enjoyed catching up on TV shows with you

just caught myself romanticizing an experience that i have definitely already done and it wasn't actually that enjoyable

i love being a part of the bustling NYC nightlife scene (outside at 5:30pm)

you try to go to one brazzers themed event on the lower east side and all of the sudden the very normal ways you watch porn come under an unsettlingly close scrutiny

biting my dentist's fingers so she knows i'm down to play rough sometimes

been thinking all morning about how improbable it is that i made it this far when in any other era i was so clearly destined to be mangled in a horrible mill accident

took off my headphones long enough at the grocery store to hear most of the beach boys' kokomo. exactly what brian wilson would have wanted. rest in peace

the pawg is coming from inside the house

i'm going to the boyfriend store, do you need anything?

what an immense gift it is to be so loved and have people come celebrate you

on this day we thank @helldoe.bsky.social for introducing us to

my birthday cake this year is a brown butter ginger sheet cake, torched meringue buttercream, strawberry curd, strawberry ginger cornflake crumb, and strawberry sour belts

if you're not picking up a quart of hot and sour soup and some dumplings for me, you're picking up a quart of hot and sour soup and some dumplings against me

second pair of glasses acquired, marked safe from any twilight zone type event that may occur in the future

i found him. i found the savage detective

did you know you can re-melt mirror glaze back to perfection with the application of a little heat? give it a try by equipping the torch in the ITEMS menu, then pressing (A) to turn it on

life is challenging sometimes

the time for me having crushes has concluded. it is once again time for crushes to be had on me

my laundromat guy just said very seriously "i want to show you something" and then pulled this out

2025 is gonna be my year

well, as you all might have imagined it's hitting that point in the summer where i become obsessed with finding houdini's grave yet again

i wrote about the past, and how it sort of turns into the future eventually. and about food, it's also about food open.substack.com/pub/helldoe/...

*nodding like i understand what this means* ohhhh. ok!

Aug 10th 1988 - Zero Cool was in the New York Times for crashing 1,507 computer systems. 📽️📅 Hackers (1995)

at the vintage burlesque exhibit

you can't believe how much i love when the sunlight is dappling

waking up to lay around and read my book. like they used to do in the middle ages. well i guess that isn't true, really

makes me laugh every time. what a world

when a guy has a lot of tattoos it's not that impressive. like, i can do that too

girls when they remember to recontextualize this entire year through a lens of deep grief

the ATM at my cash-only dumpling place was down (par for the course) so i walked until i found a working ATM and also this cat. i will guard both with my life

was le gromp there

so now all of a sudden i have to apologize for saying you put your whole pussy into family meal

reading the savage detectives. that might be the horniest book of all time, huh

walked by a guy and his girlfriend with this and he said "sprinkles do nothing for me." and well that certainly can't be true because here you are commenting on mine

on which date is it appropriate to let them know that you're terminally obsessed with the monster mash

proof of life

the other night i saw paris, texas for the first time in its entirety on a tiny dive bar tv screen. which is, as far as i can tell, how it was meant to be watched

i react to having a crush the same way everyone else does: i suddenly feel the need to hide all signs of my deep mental illness while simultaneously exhibiting the worst symptoms of mental illness i've ever experienced in my life

how it feels to bring your stinky little goat cheese onto the train during rush hour

have listened to the national for at least 5 hours today. trying to figure out if i am going through it

it's 2025 and time to start getting excited about falling into an open stairwell hatch