Very clingy

I owe ppl like 700$ for upcoming concert tickets which is both a great thing and a terrible thing at the same time 😭

If someone moves into real estate sales after 35 I feel like that’s about 65% of the time a cry for help

Idk how this happened but my Twitter feed is like all Christian psychos now and I really hate it probably more than when it was all right wing politics even 😭

All guys should be required to watch Broad City so they see some media in their life that features girls being huge dorks

@harrisfootball.com I’ve long been with you on your Wr takes but I actually think I’m starting to shift a little to “since there are only 5 WRs that are noticeably better than the rest of the pack those guys are actually worth paying up for” - my reasoning is:

I’m still laughing at “there’s a new marvel out, and it’s fucking nuts” might be the funniest scene in a movie in multiple years 😭

Trying to be a well adjusted adult and not letting a fake game get me mad

There’s a new Marvel out, and I hear it’s driving people fucking nuts

I would say there is under a 25% chance Peyton Manning will ever see One Battle After Another

Stigmata (1999)

Right winger gets murdered: he was the kindest, gentlest boy who ever lived Right winger ends up being the murderer: he was also the kindest, gentlest boy who ever lived

“If you read this you are gay” is the meme of the year imo

This guy has no idea how recently I have thought about 2000s rock songs

@harrisfootball.com when Denny Carter immediately pivoted from a 5 minute “marvel is ruining art” monologue to then picking CCR of all bands for best American rock band I basically stared into a black void and realized there’s no order to the universe only chaos

We should get the right wing to bring back 90s Taco Bell while they’re at it

Postal service give up on vinyl proudly displayed at the Marriott I’m staying at as it should be

I love watching old rock band interviews after a concert when they’re sitting in the locker room like NBA post game

Time to log off

Dr “how much alcohol do you drink?” Me “only once or twice a week in a good week but probably go harder than I should” Dr “ok not a problem - how many times do you have chicken wings for dinner?” Me *panics* “uhh…. Twice a week” Dr “be honest”

Writing a series of LinkedIn posts like an absolute fuckhead

Forever The Sickest Kids getting the Sweet Emotion needle drop spot

A generational sports movie

This gotta be the darkest era of rock music

Wife has a lot of these little dishes that I don’t know what I’m supposed to use them for so I use them to portion control snacks

There are like 3 iconic jokes in the first four minutes of super troopers

Every pickup basketball group chat: *7 people confirmed in a couple hours before we play* “Im not playing unless we have at least 11 confirmed” *everyone invites extras so 18 ppl show up* “We really need to monitor how many ppl come it’s not fun with too many”

My uncle (60ish years old) last night told me the normal sized monster energy drinks don’t work so he needs the big ones probably 24-32oz I really respect that and want to be drinking energy drinks like that when I’m 60

@harrisfootball.com happy to hear godfather of troll is sticking around but I really need you to find a mashed potato mountain 2.0 that’s my all time favorite Harrisism

Changing my name to “male sports fan” brb

Sorority Girls in 2025 are dancing to White Zombie? America is so fucking back 🫡🫡🫡

A guy can’t watch ONE (ok 2) Jean Claude Van Dame movies without getting spammed the rest of his catalog for recommendations (that I will also watch)

My darkest secret right now is I have secretly gotten into Home Improvement since it’s been on Netflix

When I’m old and poor due to making bad life choices and get cancer I am going to Aunt Gladys my brother for sure

Hate to be a hypebeast but I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a movie like Weapons before

My favorite type of club is ones that show music videos of the songs they’re playing

Every A24 movie I swear to god

A24 make a movie without a trauma subplot challenge

We had a couple in a fantasy football league and they got a divorce and the one we like better is getting re-married and we’re considering replacing her ex husband with her new fiance LMFAO🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 fucking diabolical for that dude

Slop movie of the night baby Jean Claude Van Damn in Death Warrant

Too much to mow no thanks

Miss Murder is a total banger

Hostile Dimensions is a real winner for people who like movies that aren’t even good enough to be in the $5 dollar bin at Wal-Mart

Janine as James Harden is so good 🤣 incredible costume

The segue of the century