I might go for a walk

Trump Creates New Cabinet Position To Take Milk Money From Nerds

Very truly sorry that so many things suck

I dunno. Maybe having a mean egomaniac bully in charge of everything wasn’t a great idea.

Could everyone stop saying that I will be representing the USA in Solo Basketball Dunking? That literally makes no sense!

GUYS it is NOT true that I turned down a nomination for Best Actor. Please stop saying that.

Just did 10000 push ups.

I bet I could dunk.

I vow to watch every single movie ever made this year.

Everything always works.

Die Hard came out 83 years ago.

It is funny how long video game credits are. I like to watch them because it feels honorable to do so but they are just so hilariously long. 20 minutes? 30? I could put a movie on another screen and be done.

“Science fiction? More like REAL LIFE.” - me, blowing minds

Caught up on podcasts! (Deleted everything)

I want a coffee that has a fist to punch my heart , punch it hard.

I will stand up for hot children of famous people.

All shows are either Best Friends Hugging Or Broken Jerks Hating

Why must I have “have goals” or “manifest success” or “go outside” or “get up” or

You don’t see a lot of people riding horses these days.

Hercule Poirot stars in The Mystery Of The Detective Who Wanted A Nap

Alex Cross in the new mystery Fuck This I’m Going to Arby’s.

Sherlock Holmes and the Case of He’s Tired And Doesn’t Want to Deal With Someone Else’s Bullshit

“You’re all obsessed with Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. What about Maslow’s really wanting of a sandwich right now?” -Maslow

I’m so tired I am going to sleep right after I post this bullshit there done

I swear to god today I will do everything different

I mistrust AI, don’t like social media algorithms but I love self driving cars, so in terms of disliking tech I’m somewhere between Black Mirror and Alien Earth. This makes sense to me.

Venmo: need to search? Me: yeah here’s the first four letters of my friend whom I send money to all the time Venmo: nah, how about these four strangers you’ve never heard of? Me: no I want my friend. Venmo: I’ll show you him for one second but then back to the randos

Great news!!

Friends: be mad with me Me: I am Friends: not the right way though Me: no I think I am Friends: go fuck yourself Me: that’s what I was thinking

Instagram before: put pictures here Users: we love it Instagram: okay add your location, to everything Users: uhhhh maybe Instagram now: okay also put music and sound on every little thing so it’s annoying Users: what? No! Why? Instagram: you must

I bought a T Shirt from an Instagram ad and the algorithm has gone insane. 100% T shirt ads. I feel like I finally said to an Aunt “I guess I like music” and now she’s like “FINALLY. I KNOW WHAT TO GET YOU FOR CHRISTMAS.”

Once again for Halloween I will be dressed as Some Guy In A Wig.

In a tremendous act of self-love, I will not be playing the video game Baby Steps.

The Monkees: Let’s combine all of the financial manipulation of a band with all the ego problems of a bunch of actors. Wait, it worked???

It’s not as fun as I thought having an angry egomaniac paranoid grandfather for president.

My favorite style of Reddit rage bait is an insane claim disguised as a question. “When did all gas stations stop carrying cheese?” Or “Why does everyone hate the piano?” Or “When did people stop learning how to do long division?” Very good and smart way to talk to each other I love it.

I love that I check social media so much it’s good for me to see people I taught improv to once or twice be mad all the time this is good I am good

I open this app and check my brain for something to say and all it has for me is “lotta crazy people out there.”

I expressed an opinion about a recent news event online and —- you’re not gonna believe this — the people who already agreed with me loved it and the people who did not agree with me did not like it.

Charlie Kirk’s murder has everyone yelling at each other but at least we also are making the killer a celebrity??

@boomboomhiller.bsky.social winning the Emmy makes everything seem okay! Hilarious cool person who deserves this success and more!

The money countdown thing on the Emmys was my idea. Glad you guys liked it.

The algorithm likes to show you stuff that gets you mad. You are seeing this post. Therefore, this gets you mad: I’m gonna go buy an egg sandwich right now.

The algorithm likes to show you things that make you mad so if you’re seeing this buckle up for some anger: I am having coffee just a bit later than usual.

After 11 years away from NYC I have realized : there’s, like, a shitload of people here.

OMG best ever show! all the awards to this show! obsessed! cannot wait for next episode! = show is okay

After not getting SNL or winning an Emmy I had better be on this Epstein List. I need a win!

I WILL FIX SOCIETY WITH THIS POST

There are two wolves inside of me. What happened was I got into a teleportation chamber and didn’t notice that there were two wolves inside there with me.

New sci fi idea: one morning, everyone is just wearing fedoras and suits, like a 1950s Hitchcock movie. No one is aware it was ever any other way. Except one young graphic designer…. We cut to Manhattan at noon….