Regardless of whether astrology is accurate, one big benefit is that it helps me remember my friends' birthdays It jogs my memory when I narrow it down from "March" to "late Pisces" to the specific day (I usually remember by proximity to holidays too though)

My computer's being weird again

REASONS I LOVE LUBE: 🤍 Easier time going deep and applying pressure exactly where I want 🤍 Lower UTI risk 🤍 Lower condom breakage risk (especially with big d!cks) 🤍 Can comfortably go at it for longer 🤍 Fisting and other huge insertables vs. gorilla grip coochie

I... almost told my dad about my work today. He mentioned this YouTuber who he gets his news from — the dude is so young but knows so much! I explained: yeah, young-ish ADHDers are drawn to content creation for a variety of reasons. I drew the line at telling him "I do something similar" though

I've had a working theory for years about the invisibility of trans mascs being a consequence of being stuck within the realm of the domestic which can also explain why much of the (limited) representation we have is like straight working class trans guys

Did you know that immigration patterns are a big factor in USA circumcision rates in different states? Most of the world doesn't circumcise outside of religious reasons except for the USA... Meaning that foreskin is actually REALLY common in states with, say, more Latin or Asian immigrants

My dad really grabbed a centipede with a plastic bag and baby talked to it, "Sweet child, I'm taking you outside"

Bless the little kid whose immediate reaction to "yeah, some women die during childbirth" was to look upward and pray to the heavens that that wouldn't happen to me. He's like 23 by now. I hope he's doing well and continues to be that sweet as an adult

Today's "people on social media are weird": white woman insists Bad Bunny must have farmed fake streams, thinks there's no way his audience is that big, refuses to consider that Spanish is the language with second-most native speakers globally

Yes, have a Roth IRA and brokerage account and am saving for both perimenopausal care and retirement

Some days, self-care looks like thinking, "This thread is too heterosexual for me," locking my phone, and touching grass Or too white, Eurocentric, American, assumes English as a first language, etc

What if I told her, "Joke's on you; I'm turned on by being told I'm gross"?

Me when I was 22: If I cringe at my past self, that means I've learned something since then Me when I was 27: I am cringe, but I am free Me at age 32: If I tried to avoid ever being cringe, I would hardly move forward — which would also be cringe. Sometimes, cringy action is better than no action

"hypergamy influencer" is... not a term I was ever imagining reading in my life

Do you ever look at someone's behavior and accusations and think, "I wish they understood DSM definitions and what the primary sources actually say, but I also don't want them to get ideas about how to misuse therapy speak"?

FYI, someone liking huge dildos for solo play doesn't mean they need their partner to have a huge dong

Yet another day of waking up hungry and horny and deciding which one to address first

people keep snitch tagging the emt guy in this on instagram it's got a flared base, what's he gonna do

"No woman would ever give a blowjob if not for the male gaze" is such a reductive take. You've never appreciated the freckles, scars, shadows in the musculature on a partner's body and wanted to kiss them all over? Sorry not sorry that some women also want to kiss and lick a partner's dick veins.

Yoooo I learned that prenatal and menopause telehealth support are included "free" with my health insurance and they do hormone replacement therapy! Times are changing!!!! Idk how long I'll have this insurance, but it's a great sign that broader HRT coverage is becoming a thing

I super appreciate my former partner who would make me cum like 20 times in one session and then still ask, "Did you cum?" Not because he didn't know. But because it felt good to hear how absurd I thought the question was.

Me, learning something: I FEEL LIKE I HAVE UNLOCKED A GREAT SECRET OF THE UNIVERSE Me, feeling inspired or in awe: THIS IS MY CURRENT FAVORITE THING

NEW REVIEW! b-Vibe's Girthy 9" sliding skin dildo is cervix sorcery. The Curvy 10" is more for G-spot grabbing. Here's how these hyper-realistic dildos with floating balls compare: supersmashcache.com/b-vibe-slips...

Horny enough to contemplate ordering room service so it's ready when I'm done masturbating

Thinking about that time I had my LED hula hoop ready for a yoga rock and dance party, but went to the wrong venue of a similar name and ended up at a free country show. A kid tipped me $1. A drunk lady tipped me $20. The bouncer recognized me from a frat party and was confused but happy to see me.

"I'm prettier than you no offense," read the email from a stranger. And I couldn't help but wonder: Baby, is everything okay at home?

The whole "polyamorous people are ugly" stereotype is so funny to me. 😱 Oh nooooo, someone's NOT ATTRACTED to people who WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN COMPATIBLE with their relationship preferences and lifestyle anyway?!?! 😱 What a loss. 😱😱😱

Hot take: Sexualization of Asian women literally does not affect my everyday life. I say no to people who expect to get something from me on their terms and that's that. Infantilization hits different. It's about what people think you deserve to be given. And that's not resolved by just fucking off

"Let me know if you’re inserted!" —My favorite typo in adult toy marketing correspondence

Happy International Women's Day. Never forget how often women are dismissed by doctors or told it's just nature to be sensitive and "complicated." Meanwhile, men get prompt treatment for heart problems, erectile dysfunction, growing prostates, hormone imbalance, and more. Oh, and pain relief.

It's here! I compared the Sybian, Motorbunny Original, and Tremor ride-on vibrators — beyond "any of them could make me cry" (Plus, audio track of me on the Motorbunny, if anyone's interested 👄 🫦 ) supersmashcache.com/sybian-motor...

Fun fact: any meal you get delivered could have been in a car with a couple getting handsy, e.g., one party getting fingered or rubbed off while food was in the back seat. Of course that was always a possibility, but not one I considered til invited to play passenger princess during delivery hours

Missed Bad Bunny’s halftime show? Want to rewatch? (4x and counting for me). The NFL posted the whole performance on YouTube: on pace for 500k views in the first 30 minutes.

🙌✨ Happy to introduce my (foreign) dad to the entire concept of a Superbowl halftime show! "We made it just in time!" He asked, "For what?" Once it started, he said, "This is incredible! No wonder so many people are watching it!" He learned the word, "magarita" today, too

r/gonewildaudio is currently about 10% of my will to live

My therapist: How are you today? Me: I opened IG and got GREAT NEWS — PALANTIR IS DOWN 13%!!!!!!! I'VE BEEN FEELING GREAT EVER SINCE I TOOK AN ANTIDEPRESSANT A FEW TIMES LAST WEEK even though other news has been objectively disgusting!!!

Called to postpone my boob job appointment Receptionist: May I ask why you're rescheduling? Me, in my head: My gun range membership doesn't expire for 7 months, and I want to use it up before committing to slicing my pecs Me, on the phone: I have other obligations I'd like to take care of first

Omg there's a new lady working at the gun range When the chatty guy asked, "How was shooting today?" she added, "Did you kill all the men?" 💀

In my teens: "I can pull another all-nighter" In my late twenties: "I'm ready to take a nap tomorrow" In my early thirties: "I'm ready to stretch tomorrow"

I'm so glad I'm no longer around someone who pressured me to wear no bra and no makeup because a bra was a sign that I was about to leave his house Anyway, time to take my antidepressant when I have intrusive thoughts about stuff like that

I appreciate the saying, "When you curse the devil for having horns, it is the innocent bull who hears." It is an antidote to the idea that only the guilty would be bothered by an accusation — a thought-terminating cliché that pre‑emptively discredits dissent and disregards collateral damage

I've been more disappointed in humans this past year than any year before In part bc when you're a kid or young adult, you're calibrating standards for normal human kindness Some people just have lower standards, or they're conditional, performative, convenience-based Not everyone has your heart

It's not on me to disprove the stereotypes of Asian women being "SO TINY" and "CUTE" and looking "SO YOUNG" I'll eat food that makes me feel good I'll lift weights that feel good to me I'll keep refining my gun marksmanship I'll keep fucking off to be my own boss I'll keep fucking off to be me

Americans really be like, "If I die at the hands of a trigger-happy cop or a dismissive doctor and neglectful insurance company, I guess that's it." It's me; I'm Americans.

I am just a Border Collie with a chew toy in God's hot car

i disagree with penetration direction being equivalent to who fucks who. i think whoever is taking the lead is doing the fucking, and that a stationary object is inherently the fuckee.

When I see debates about monog vs. polyam vs. parent vs. CF, I close the tab I focus on: Did you willingly choose it? Do you willingly choose to continue? Did/do you check the pros & cons? Learn from your mistakes? Are you around people who get it Do you try your best to do no harm, take no BS?

...I have now experienced a hot brass bullet casing flying back and getting caught in my cleavage while shooting. Now I know: the chances of that happening with small boobs are slim... but still not zero. (Breaking a nail while shooting has happened to me twice.) #JustGirlyThings

Vanilla: dry humping Kinky: dry humping and getting even more turned on thinking about how desperate you are to be grateful to hump their leg or hips or boner through layers of denim zippers and crotch seams and belt buckles 😳🫪

I CRIED IN INDIVIDUAL THERAPY FOR THE FIRST TIME 🥳✨ IT ONLY TOOK ME 8 YEARS (1 YEAR WITH THIS PARTICULAR THERAPIST)