DENVER THIS WEEK WE'LL HAVE A SLOW FALL INTO MADNESS I MEAN A SLOW DESCENT INTO FALL I MEAN IT'S BACK TO YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED NOVEMBER... FUCK. SUN: 70°/45° <-- THE LAST GOOD ONE MON: 61°/38° TUE: 62°/38° WED: 61/°38° THU: 50°/36° RAIN FRI: 48°/35° MORE RAIN

DENVER THIS MAY BE DECENT WEATHER'S LAST GASP UNTIL 2026 (assuming 2026 happens), SO MOTHERFUCKS LET'S MAKE THE MOST OF THESE SEVENTY DEGREE MASTERPIECES WE ARE PRESENTED WITH IN THIS, THE MIDDLE OF FREAKING NOVEMBER. FRI: 74°/50° BEAUTIFUL SAT: 72°/44° NICE SUN: 70°/44° I'LL TAKE IT

DENVER THIS MAY BE DECENT WEATHER'S LAST GASP UNTIL 2026 (assuming 2026 happens), SO MOTHERFUCKS LET'S MAKE THE MOST OF THESE SEVENTY DEGREE MASTERPIECES WE ARE PRESENTED WITH IN THIS, THE MIDDLE OF FREAKING NOVEMBER. FRI: 74°/50° BEAUTIFUL SAT: 72°/44° NICE SUN: 70°/44° I'LL TAKE IT

DENVER, WHAT YR SEEING IS TRUE: YES, THE WEATHER GODS ARE GIVING A BIG MIDDLE FINGER TO @denversnow.bsky.social, AND YES I AM HERE FOR THAT JAJAJAJA F U PRECIPITATION LOL OH "BUT WE NEED THE MOISTURE" ... OH WELL SUN: 51°/32° MON: 71°/51° TUE: 71°/40° WED: 69°/45° THU: 72°/46° FRI: 71°/42°

DENVER, WHAT'S TOTALLY FUCKED UP ABOUT THIS WEATHER IS THIS IS THE COLDEST IT'S GOING TO BE FOR THE NEXT TEN DAYS? I'D SAY "WTF, COLORADO" BUT WE LIVE HERE... WE KNOW. YOUR FUCKING WEEKEND: FRI: 63°/38° SAT: 56°/29° FROSTY SUN: 51°/31°

🌞🌞🌞🌞🌞🌞🌞 💃 FUCKING 💃 🕺 GORGEOUS 🕺 ✨ WEATHER ✨ 🌞🌞🌞🌞🌞🌞🌞

IT MAY BE IN THE SEVENTIES IN THE CITY BUT IT'S STILL EIGHTY FUCKING DEGREES AT THE AIRPORT WHICH MEANS THIS SPLIFF-ROLLIN POOL-CANNONBALLIN' TRAIN IS STILL MOTHERFUCKING CHUGGING DOWN THE MOTHERFUCKING TRACKS

FUCKING FUCK YEA WE HIT 80 DEGREES BITCHEZZZZZZZ SUMMER AIN'T DEAD YET SOMEONE ROLL ME A SPLIFF AND SHOW ME THE WAY TO THE NEXT POOL PARTY IMMA BOUT READY TO CANNONBALL

BREAKING NEWS THE FORECAST HAS BEEN UPGRADED AND TODAY'S HIGH BUMPED UP TO 81° I NEVER THOUGHT I'D BE CELEBRATING EIGHTY DEGREES IN NOVEMBER BUT MOTHERFUCKING SHITBURPS, HERE WE ARE.

DENVER WE ARE IN FOR SOME MAJESTICALLY BEAUTIFUL AUTUMN TEMPERATURES THIS WEEK, TRULY WONDROUS, FUCKING DELIGHTFUL, MAY US ALL FIND THE SPACE TO FROLIC IN THIS SHIT. SUN: 79° (YAY) 38° (BRRR) MON: 59°/44° TUE: 76°/41° BEAUTIFUL WED: 66°/46° VERY NICE THU: 66°/39° YES FRI: 64°/44° STILL DECENT

DENVER, I CANNOT BELIEVE MY MOTHERFUCKING EYES: WE MAY HIT 80° SUNDAY. WHAT IN THE FALL FUCKERY IS THIS SHIT? NOT THAT I'M COMPLAINING BUT MAN THE WEATHER GODS ARE WILDING YOUR FUCKING WEEKEND: FRI: 50°/30° BRRRR SAT: 65°/46° GETTING WARMER SUN: 79°/38° BEAUTEOUS

DENVER IT PAINS ME TO SAY IT BUT HERE COMES THE FUCKIN BRRRRR. HOWEVER, IT PLEASURES ME TO ANNOUNCE THE OFFICIAL START OF MOTHERFUCKING SWEATER WEATHER WE DID IT Y'ALL IT IS TIME! YOUR FUCKING WEATHER: SUN: 71°/46° MON: 68°/32° TUE: 49°/27° SWEATERRR WED: 56°/34° WEATHERRR THU: 55°/32° FRI: 57°/40°

DENVER WHO KNOWS HOW MANY 70-DEGREE DAYS WE HAVE LEFT WE MUST TREASURE THESE LIL' GUYS WITH OUR WHOLE HEART WE MUST CELEBRATE THEM FOR THEY WILL NOT LAST. YOUR FUCKING WEEKEND: FRI: 65°/42° SAT: 72°/48° SUN: 71°/45°

HAPPY INTERNATIONAL CAPS LOCK DAY SORRY FOR OUR DELAY WE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THIS WAS A REAL DAY.

DENVER IT IS FREAKING COLD THIS MORNING THESE MORNINGS ARE GETTING A BIT BRISK FOR MY LIKING BUT THE REST OF THE DAYS ARE JUST FUCKING GLORIOUS EXCEPT FOR THE WIND THE WIND CAN SUCK MY MOLDY PEACHES LOL. SUN: 77°/47° MON: 61°/37° WINDY TUE: 68°/40° WED: 69°/44° THU: 63°/46° FRI: 63°/43°

DENVER I WILL NEVER TIRE OF CELEBRATING COLORADO’S MAJESTY, ITS AUTUMNAL HUM, ITS LEAFY FALL VIBRATIONS, THE CRUNCHY MORNINGS AND THE ROLLING AFTERNOONS, ALL OF WHICH ARE COMING TO US THIS GLORIOUS MOTHERFUCKING WEEKEND. FRI: 69°/44° SUNNY 'N' NICE SAT: 64°/48° MOSTLY SUN SUN: 70°/51° SUNNY

DENVER THE MORNINGS ARE BRISK BUT THE SKIES ARE (MOSTLY) CLEAR, COLORADO FALL IS IN FULL MOTHERFUCKING EFFECT, AND DARE I SAY IT, SWEATER WEATHER IS NIGH. YOUR FUCKING WEATHER: SUN: 69°/44° MON: 64°/48° TUE: 70°/51° WED: 67°/51° THU: 64°/45° FRI: 65°/44°

DENVER WE ARE THICK IN THE MIDDLE OF COLORADO'S AUTUMNAL MAJESTY! CAN I GET A HELL YEAH? CAN I GET FUCK YES? CAN I GET A MOTHERFUCKING PUMPKIN SPICED LATTE? HELL NO FUCK STARBUCKS. LET'S SEE WHAT THE WEEKEND LOOKS LIKE: FRI: 72°/56° PERFECT SAT: 74°/57° PERFECT SUN: 73°/43° PERFECT

DENVER, THIS COLD FRONT BRINGS A TOUCH O’ FALL WITH IT, BUT THEN IT’S BACK TO THE LOW 80s, SOMEHOW. IT'S WEIRD, I DON'T MAKE THE RULES, GO COMPLAIN TO THE WEATHER GODS IF U DON'T LIKE IT. YOUR FUCKIN WEATHER: SUN: 66° EVENING RAIN MON: 56° EVENING RAIN TUE: 65° WED: 77° THU: 82° FRI: 78°

DENVER NGL TODAY CAN SUCK MY SWEATY NUTSACK, I KNOW IT'S FRIDAY BUT MY NUTSACK IS SO SWEATY AND IT COULD USE SOME ATTENTION. YOUR FUCKING WEEKEND: FRI: 87°, SWEATY SAT: 81°/47° OOOH SUN: 69°/46° CHECK OUT THOSE OVERNIGHT LOWS IN THE 40s

DENVER, WHEN I SAID WE COULD KISS THOSE 80° HIGHS GOODBYE I WAS FUCKING WRONG. YES, IT IS FALL. BUT FALL IN NAME ONLY. SAD TO SAY THAT THE WEATHER GODS ARE ONCE AGAIN FUCKING WITH US. YOUR FUCKING WEATHER: SUN: 85° MON: 80° TUE: 82° WED: 72° PERFECT THU: 67° PERFECT FRI: 73° YES

DENVER GOD BLESS THIS WEEKEND SAY GOODBYE TO THE 80 DEGREE HIGHS WE MAY SEE ONE OR TWO MORE OF THESE LIL' FUCKS BUT FOR THE MOST PART THEY GONE. YOUR FUCKING WEEKEND: FRI: 83°/53° SAT: 80°/54° SUN: 80°/53°

DENVER, APOLOGIES FOR THE LATENESS, BEEN ROLLING SPLIFFS FOR THE WEATHER GODS IN AN EFFORT TO GET THEM TO WALK BACK TUESDAY’S BULLSHITTERY. YOUR FUCKING WEEK: SUN: 82° MON: 78° PM THUNDERSTORMS TUE: 54° WTFFF LOWS IN THE 40s WTFFF SOMEONE ALERT MATT WED: 72° THU: 80° FRI: 83° FEELS UNNECESSARY

DENVER, THIS WEEKEND SUMMER DIES... BUT NOT WITHOUT A FIGHT. JUST REMEMBER, OUR 80-DEGREE DAYS ARE NUMBERED, SOON WE GET A JOYOUS COLORADO AUTUMN, AND JUST AROUND THE CORNER... I CAN HEAR IT CALL... "SWEATER.... WEATHER...." YOUR FUCKING WEEKEND: FRI: 81° SAT: 81° SUN: 82°

DENVER, THIS WEEK’S WEATHER IS MORE ALL OVER THE PLACE THAN YOUR LAST THREE EX’S. GOOD THING IT’S JUST SO GODDAMNED BEAUTIFUL HOLY SHITBALLS COLORADO I LOVE THIS FOR US. YOUR FUCKING WEATHER: SUN: 76° PERFECT MON: 85° TUE: 75° P.M. STORMS WED: 66° A.M. RAIN THU: 75° GORGEOUS FRI: 79°

DENVER KNOW WHAT? I'M NOT GOING TO COMPLAIN. THIS IS FUCKING FINE. SURE IT COULD BE BETTER, BUT WHY NOT BE HAPPY WITH WHAT WE HAVE. YOUR FUCKING WEEKEND: FRI: 83° THUNDERSTORMS SAT: 79° STORMS SUN: 77°, PERFECT

DEFINITELY EXPECTING MORE FROM SEPTEMBER DEFINITELY DON'T LIKE THIS VERY MUCH. YOUR FUCKING WEATHER, DENVER: SUN: 83° MON: 87° TUE: 86° WED: 88° THU: 87° FRI: 81°

DENVER WOW I FUCKING LOVE THIS FOR US, THIS IS WHY WE COLORADO. YOUR FUCKING WEEKEND: FRI: 71° SAT: 83° SUN: 83°

SO NGL DENVER THIS IS NOT WHAT I’D HOPED FOR RIDING INTO SEPTEMBER BUT IT’S THE WEATHER THAT’S COMING AND WE’RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO CLENCH OUR TEETH A LIL’ AND GET USED TO IT. NOT AWFUL, BUT NOT GREAT. YOUR FUCKING WEATHER: SUN: 82° MON: 85° TUE: 86° WED: 85° THU: 88° FRI: 80°

omg @theonion.com

DENVER WE ARE IN FOR A PERFECT-10, GLORIOUS MOTHERFUCKING LABOR DAY WEEKEND... ROLL THOSE SPLIFFS TIGHT KEEP THE CUPS FULL AND BE SURE TO TIP YOUR BARTENDER. YOUR FUCKING WEEKEND: FRIDAY: 81°, THUNDERSTORMS WHATEVS SATURDAY: 76°, THUNDERSTORMS SUNDAY: 81° BEAUTIFUL MONDAY: 83°

DENVER, SO YOU'RE TELLING ME WE HAVE A WEEK OF SEVENTY DEGREE TEMPERATURES? IN MOTHERFUCKING AUGUST? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON WITH THIS SUMMER. I MEAN I LOVE THIS, BUT YOUR FUCKING WEATHER: SUN: 77° MON: 72° THUNDER ETC. TUE: 76° STORMS & SHIT WED: 78° YOU KNOW THE DRILL THU: 77° THUNDER FRI: 79°

DENVER, SHIT'S ABOUT TO GET WET, WITH EVENING THUNDERSTORMS AS FAR AS THE EYE CAN SEE. THE WEATHER GODS MUST BE GETTING FEISTY. YOUR FUCKING WEEKEND: FRI: 85° PM STORMS SAT: 78° PM STORMS OTHERWISE BEAUTIFUL SUN: 77° PM STORMS AND FREAKING GORGEOUS

OH DENVER, WHAT HELL DOTH WAIT FOR US THIS WEEK? LET US LOOK: SUN: 92° NOPE MON: 90° NAW TUE: 95° HELL NO WED: 97° WTF THU: 97° TF YOU SAY? FRI: 85°, THUNDERSTORMS

DENVER, I HAVE SEEN THE SEVEN DAY FORECAST AND THIS IS AS GOOD AS IT GETS... ENJOY THIS SHIT NOW BECAUSE IT'S ABOUT TO GET WORSE, SOMEONE MUST HAVE FUCKED THE WEATHER GODS OVER RECENTLY BECAUSE UGH, YIKES, OUCH. YOUR FUCKING WEEKEND: FRI: 95° SAT: 89° SUN: 92°

DENVER, TODAY IS THE ONLY TRULY GOOD DAY, THE REST OF THIS WEEK IS A BIT HIGH ON THE HELLSCAPE CHART FOR MY LIKING, AND WEDNESDAY AND THURSDAY IN PARTICULAR CAN MUNCH TAINT. YOUR FUCKING WEATHER: SUN: 78° BEAUTFUL MON: 85° TUE: 90° WED: 97° UGLY THU: 97° UNFORGIVABLE FRI: 93°

DENVER, HAVE I MENTIONED HOW GOOD YOU'RE LOOKING THESE DAYS? DEFINITELY HOT, POSSIBLY SCORCHING... KIND OF LIKE TODAY'S WEATHER. THE GOOD (?) NEWS IS LOOKS DON'T LAST AND NEITHER DO THESE TEMPS. YOUR FUCKING WEEKEND: FRI: 98° HELL NOOOO SAT: 88° SUN: 77° HELL YEAH

DENVER, I GUESS WE WEREN'T APPRECIATIVE ENOUGH OF THE MILD TEMPERATURES BECAUSE THE WEATHER GODS ARE OUT FOR VENGEANCE THIS WEEK, THEY'RE REALLY TURNING UP THE FUCKERY, NOTHING BUT GODDAMNED NINETIES AS FAR AS I CAN SEE. YOUR FUCKING WEATHER: SUN: 89° MON: 96° TUE: 98° WED: 97° THU: 97° FRI: 97°

DENVER, THE WEATHER GODS ARE MODERATELY PLEASED, SOMEWHAT STONED AND MORE OR LESS SATED. YOU SEE THIS REFLECTED IN THE SUMMER-AVERAGE TEMPERATURES. YOUR FUCKING WEEKEND: FRI: 86° SAT: 89° SUN: 91°

DENVER, TODAY AND TOMORROW BLOW BUT THE REST OF THIS WEEK IS GOD DAMNED DIAMOND. SEVENTY DEGREE HIGHS IN JULY? BITCHIN. YOUR FUCKING WEATHER: SUN: 98° MON: 98° TUE: 89° WED: 79° STORMS, HELL YEAH THU: 78° STORMS FRI: 83° STORMS

DENVER, IT’S NOT GREAT BUT IT COULD BE WORSE. PROBABLY WILL GET WORSE SOONER OR LATER. BUT MAYBE NOT? WEIRD SUMMER. #WEIRDSUMMER YOUR FUCKING WEEKEND: FRI: 91° SAT: 95° SUN: 98°

DENVER IT’S HOT BUT IT’S NOT HORRIBLE, SO WE CAN THANK THE WEATHER GODS FOR THEIR REASONABLENESS, WEATHER GODS TAKE THEIR THANKS (IN THE FORM OF RIM JOBS AND SPLIFFS) MONDAYS, 3-8 P.M. YOUR FUCKING WEATHER: SUN: 93° MON: 94° TUE: 91° WED: 87° EVENING STORMS THU: 85° EVENING STORMS FRI: 89°

DENVER, WE’VE GOT A STREAK OF 90s AHEAD AND YES THAT SUCKS BUT NO IT’S NOT GET-OUT-YOUR-GUN-AND-SHOOT-THE-SUN BAD, NO, IT’S CURSE GENTLY AT THE MOTHERFUCKING SUN BAD. YOUR FUCKING WEATHER: SUN: 94° MON: 95° TUE: 96° WED: 86° THU: 84° FRI: 89°

DENVER IT COULD BE HOTTER AND I COULD BE COMPLAINING MORE, OTOH IT COULD BE UNSEASONABLY COOL AND WE COULD BE FUCKING FROLICKING IN THE PARKS. ALAS, WE ARE HERE, SMACK DAB IN SUMMER’S SWEATY ARMPIT. YOUR FUCKING WEEKEND: FRI: 87°, RAIN SAT: 86° SUN: 94°

DENVER WE ARE FACE TO FACE WITH THE DEVIL THIS WEEK. GOOD OL’ 100-DEGREE DANNY… FUCK THAT GUY AND FUCK ANYONE WHO’S FRIENDS WITH HIM. WHAT AM I RALKUG SHOBLT… YO FLAFNG WABTOY: SUN: 91° MON: 93° TUE: 95° WED: 100° AHHHHHBLZI HD EV THU: 95° FRI: 85°

DENVER, I HAVE NOTHING BUT MEDIOCRE NEWS TO DELIVER: IT'S FUCKING JULY, IT'S FUCKING HOT, THE WORLD IS A FUCKING SHITSHOW BUT AT LEAST WE GET THE FUCKING DAY OFF. YOUR FUCKING WEEKEND: FRI: 89°, STORMS SAT: 89° SUN: 90°

DENVER, SUMMER IS BARRELING DOWN THE TRACKS LIKE MATT GAETZ HEADING TO… I DUNNO, WHERE DO TEENS ACTUALLY HANG OUT THESE DAYS? I HONESTLY JUST WANTED TO WRITE A SUMMERTIME GAETZ JOKE BUT DIDN’T THINK IT THRU. YOUR FUCKING WEATHER: SUN: 85° STORMS MON: 80° TUE: 90° WED: 94° THU: 90° FRI: 86° STORMS

YOU DID IT. I DID IT. WE DID IT: THE WORK WEEK, AT LAST, IS MOTHERFUCKING FINISHED. IT DEAD. DED. FUCK YES WEEKEND, FUCK OFF WORK, ALL THE MANAGERS OUT THERE CAN GO MUNCH A COBWEBBY CUNT, BECAUSE..... IT IS FIVE P.M. BITCHEZZZZZZZZZZZ

HOLY HELL, 5 P.M. CAN NOT COME SOON ENOUGH