man i'm probably going to feel really bad when john elway actually does die and I can't pretend like he's up in heaven smokin spliffs and rimming celestial beings anymore

DENVER WE DID IT WE HAD A LEGIT SNOW, BUT DON'T WORRY IT WILL MELT BY SUNDAY WHICH IS FUNNY BECAUSE THE BRONCOS AREN'T EVEN PLAYING THAT DAY SO I TRAGICALLY CAN'T BLAME SUNDAY'S GREAT WEATHER ON THE HANDIES JOHN ELWAY IS GIVING TO THE WEATHER GODS. FRI: 35°/19° SAT: 47°/28° SUN: 55°/32°

i blame john elway (rip), up in heaven, giving the weather gods luxurious rim jobs and rolling them monster game day spliffs

THIS RECENT WEATHER? DEFINITELY 3-HORSEMAN (OUT OF FOUR)

So on that other site I have a collection of my favorite posts, the real bangers, from the ten-plus years I've been doing this. I don't have that over here and I'm thinking I might just screenshot and post. Problem is some are threads. Fucking tangled webs smh

DENVER I HAD THOUGHT THE WEATHER GODS WOULD SNAP OUT OF ALL THIS BY NOW BUT THEY'RE STILL HOOTIN' AND HOLLERIN' AND PUFFING N' PASSING AND DAMN... THIS IS FUCKED UP. SUN: 68°/39° MON: 63°/37° TUE: 60°/34° WED: 58°/32° THU: 47°/25° FRI: 38°/21°

DENVER, IT'S FUCKING JANUARY 2026 BUT DON'T TELL THE WEATHER GODS, THEY'RE STILL PARTYING LIKE IT'S OCTOBER 2025 WTAF IS HAPPENING FRI: 60°/37° SAT: 62°/44° SUN: 67°/37°

DENVER, MAN THAT SNOW SUCKED EENSY LIL SHITBALLS BUT THE GOOD NEWS IS WE WONT SEE ITS LIKES AGAIN ‘ROUND HERE, NO SIRREEE IT’S BACK TO WHATEVER WEIRD SHIT THIS IS SUN: 39°/20° MON: 46°/28° TUE: 53°/33° WED: 61°/40° THU: 59°/40° F U 2025 GOOD RIDDANCE FRI: 61° F U 2026 TOO

DENVER OUR EARLY FALL-LIKE WEATHER HAD TO END SOMETIME, AND THAT SOMETIME IS SATURDAY. WHAT A RUN WE HAD, WHAT A FUCKED UP DECEMBER THIS WAS, STILL CAN’T WRAP MY HEAD AROUND IT, SO FUCKED. FRI: 66°/41° SAT: 61°/20° PM SNOW SUN: 28°/18° AM SNOW

just want to give a big shoutout and hugs to all my furry friends here both new and old lol side story here I used the word “JIZZBOMB” last week thinking it might be catnip for the furry contingent… and I was right

DENVER THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST FUCKED UP FORECASTS I HAVE HAD THE PLEASURE OF DELIVERING. HAVE U EVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS? WTAF COLORADO. MON: 73°/41° FUCKED TUE: 67°/45° FUCKED WED: 70°/45° FUCKED THU: 70°/43° HO HO HO (FUCKED) FRI: 64°/37° FUCKED

FUCKIN JIZZBOMBS IT'S ANOTHER DECEMBER BEAUTY DENVER, I'M FLUMMOXED, I'M SCARED, I'VE SAID THIS BEFORE BUT WE NEED A WORD FOR THAT "HEY IT'S GREAT THAT IT'S NICE WEATHER BUT I'M NERVOUS ABOUT THE CLIMATE" FEELING. FRI: 69°/46° NICE... TOO NICE SAT: 52°/29° SUN: 58°/41°

HOLY FUCKIN CUNTSNACKS DENVER IT IS STILL 60 DEGREES OUT AND [CHECKS FORECAST] WE'VE GOT A HELLOFA LOT MORE WHERE THAT CAME FROM. I LOVE IT, I HATE IT, I'M GOING OUTSIDE WITH NO JACKET, IT'S WEIRD. YOUR FUCKING WEATHER: SUN: 60°/38° MON: 63°/40° TUE: 65°/41° WED: 67°/39° THU: 48°/37° FRI: 68°/48° ‼️

meanwhile in the rest of the country...

KIND OF FUCKING WEIRD OUT RN, DENVER. 65°?? IN DECEMBER?????

DENVER IT IS MOTHERFUCKING DECEMBER AND SOMEHOW IT IS G O R G E O U S OUTSIDE THE WEATHER GODS ARE GENEROUS WITH THEIR BOUNTY THE COLD CAN SUCK MY LACERATED COCK IT’S PARTY TIME. FRI: 60°/41° NICE SAT: 60°/30° NICER SUN: 62°/38° NICEST

REMEMBER FRIDAY WHEN I ASKED THE WEATHER GODS FOR SOME 60° HIGHS UP IN HERE? MOTHERFUCKERS WERE LISTENING! PROOF THAT ASKING FOR WHAT YOU WANT WORKS HOLY HELL TIME TO ASK FOR MORE SHIT [RUBS HANDS TOGETHER CONNIVINGLY] SUN: 45°/32° MON: 52°/37° TUE: 58°/36° WED: 59°/49° THU: 61°/31° FRI: 44°/31°

DENVER, IT COULD BE WORSE. IT COULD ALSO BE MOTHERFUCKING BETTER AND DAMN IF WE DON'T DESERVE BETTER. HOW ABOUT IT. HEY WEATHER GODS, HOW 'BOUT SOME 60-DEGREE HIGHS UP IN HERE? FRI: 40°/30° SAT: 47°/28° SUN: 43°/27°

DENVER IT IS 18° CURRENTLY WITH POSSIBLE WHITE STUFF THIS AFTERNOON, SOUNDS LIKE PRIME MATT GAETZ WEATHER IF I'VE EVER SEEN IT. FOR THE REST OF US THO, HOLY FUCKIN BRRRRRR. SUN: 26°/16° LIL' BIT O' SNOW MON: 41°/27° TUE: 47°/27° WED: 30°/16° ALL-DAY @DENVERSNOW.BSKY.SOCIAL THU: 36°/23° FRI: 41°/29°

DENVER… IT’S GETTING FUCKING DREARY OUTSIDE. I DON’T LINE DREARY. KNOW WHAT HELPS WITH THE DOLDRUMS? SPLIFFS. BIG OL MOTHERFUCKING SPLIFFS… AND IF U NEED HELP ROLLING UR OWN U KNOW U GOT A FRIEND IN ME ❤️ SUN: 54° MON: 59° TUE: 43° BRRRRR WED: 49° THU: 57° FRI: 59°

DENVER WE ARE HEADING INTO A TYPICAL NOVEMBER WEEKEND WHERE IT'LL GET COLD BUT NOT MATT GAETZ-HOPS-ON-A-FLIGHT-TO-COLORADO COLD... NOT YET... FRI: 49°/37° SAT: 61°/39° SUN: 57°/38° SOME RAIN

DENVER THIS WEEK WE'LL HAVE A SLOW FALL INTO MADNESS I MEAN A SLOW DESCENT INTO FALL I MEAN IT'S BACK TO YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED NOVEMBER... FUCK. SUN: 70°/45° <-- THE LAST GOOD ONE MON: 61°/38° TUE: 62°/38° WED: 61/°38° THU: 50°/36° RAIN FRI: 48°/35° MORE RAIN

DENVER THIS MAY BE DECENT WEATHER'S LAST GASP UNTIL 2026 (assuming 2026 happens), SO MOTHERFUCKS LET'S MAKE THE MOST OF THESE SEVENTY DEGREE MASTERPIECES WE ARE PRESENTED WITH IN THIS, THE MIDDLE OF FREAKING NOVEMBER. FRI: 74°/50° BEAUTIFUL SAT: 72°/44° NICE SUN: 70°/44° I'LL TAKE IT

DENVER THIS MAY BE DECENT WEATHER'S LAST GASP UNTIL 2026 (assuming 2026 happens), SO MOTHERFUCKS LET'S MAKE THE MOST OF THESE SEVENTY DEGREE MASTERPIECES WE ARE PRESENTED WITH IN THIS, THE MIDDLE OF FREAKING NOVEMBER. FRI: 74°/50° BEAUTIFUL SAT: 72°/44° NICE SUN: 70°/44° I'LL TAKE IT

DENVER, WHAT YR SEEING IS TRUE: YES, THE WEATHER GODS ARE GIVING A BIG MIDDLE FINGER TO @denversnow.bsky.social, AND YES I AM HERE FOR THAT JAJAJAJA F U PRECIPITATION LOL OH "BUT WE NEED THE MOISTURE" ... OH WELL SUN: 51°/32° MON: 71°/51° TUE: 71°/40° WED: 69°/45° THU: 72°/46° FRI: 71°/42°

DENVER, WHAT'S TOTALLY FUCKED UP ABOUT THIS WEATHER IS THIS IS THE COLDEST IT'S GOING TO BE FOR THE NEXT TEN DAYS? I'D SAY "WTF, COLORADO" BUT WE LIVE HERE... WE KNOW. YOUR FUCKING WEEKEND: FRI: 63°/38° SAT: 56°/29° FROSTY SUN: 51°/31°

🌞🌞🌞🌞🌞🌞🌞 💃 FUCKING 💃 🕺 GORGEOUS 🕺 ✨ WEATHER ✨ 🌞🌞🌞🌞🌞🌞🌞

IT MAY BE IN THE SEVENTIES IN THE CITY BUT IT'S STILL EIGHTY FUCKING DEGREES AT THE AIRPORT WHICH MEANS THIS SPLIFF-ROLLIN POOL-CANNONBALLIN' TRAIN IS STILL MOTHERFUCKING CHUGGING DOWN THE MOTHERFUCKING TRACKS

FUCKING FUCK YEA WE HIT 80 DEGREES BITCHEZZZZZZZ SUMMER AIN'T DEAD YET SOMEONE ROLL ME A SPLIFF AND SHOW ME THE WAY TO THE NEXT POOL PARTY IMMA BOUT READY TO CANNONBALL

BREAKING NEWS THE FORECAST HAS BEEN UPGRADED AND TODAY'S HIGH BUMPED UP TO 81° I NEVER THOUGHT I'D BE CELEBRATING EIGHTY DEGREES IN NOVEMBER BUT MOTHERFUCKING SHITBURPS, HERE WE ARE.

DENVER WE ARE IN FOR SOME MAJESTICALLY BEAUTIFUL AUTUMN TEMPERATURES THIS WEEK, TRULY WONDROUS, FUCKING DELIGHTFUL, MAY US ALL FIND THE SPACE TO FROLIC IN THIS SHIT. SUN: 79° (YAY) 38° (BRRR) MON: 59°/44° TUE: 76°/41° BEAUTIFUL WED: 66°/46° VERY NICE THU: 66°/39° YES FRI: 64°/44° STILL DECENT

DENVER, I CANNOT BELIEVE MY MOTHERFUCKING EYES: WE MAY HIT 80° SUNDAY. WHAT IN THE FALL FUCKERY IS THIS SHIT? NOT THAT I'M COMPLAINING BUT MAN THE WEATHER GODS ARE WILDING YOUR FUCKING WEEKEND: FRI: 50°/30° BRRRR SAT: 65°/46° GETTING WARMER SUN: 79°/38° BEAUTEOUS

DENVER IT PAINS ME TO SAY IT BUT HERE COMES THE FUCKIN BRRRRR. HOWEVER, IT PLEASURES ME TO ANNOUNCE THE OFFICIAL START OF MOTHERFUCKING SWEATER WEATHER WE DID IT Y'ALL IT IS TIME! YOUR FUCKING WEATHER: SUN: 71°/46° MON: 68°/32° TUE: 49°/27° SWEATERRR WED: 56°/34° WEATHERRR THU: 55°/32° FRI: 57°/40°

DENVER WHO KNOWS HOW MANY 70-DEGREE DAYS WE HAVE LEFT WE MUST TREASURE THESE LIL' GUYS WITH OUR WHOLE HEART WE MUST CELEBRATE THEM FOR THEY WILL NOT LAST. YOUR FUCKING WEEKEND: FRI: 65°/42° SAT: 72°/48° SUN: 71°/45°

HAPPY INTERNATIONAL CAPS LOCK DAY SORRY FOR OUR DELAY WE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THIS WAS A REAL DAY.

DENVER IT IS FREAKING COLD THIS MORNING THESE MORNINGS ARE GETTING A BIT BRISK FOR MY LIKING BUT THE REST OF THE DAYS ARE JUST FUCKING GLORIOUS EXCEPT FOR THE WIND THE WIND CAN SUCK MY MOLDY PEACHES LOL. SUN: 77°/47° MON: 61°/37° WINDY TUE: 68°/40° WED: 69°/44° THU: 63°/46° FRI: 63°/43°

DENVER I WILL NEVER TIRE OF CELEBRATING COLORADO’S MAJESTY, ITS AUTUMNAL HUM, ITS LEAFY FALL VIBRATIONS, THE CRUNCHY MORNINGS AND THE ROLLING AFTERNOONS, ALL OF WHICH ARE COMING TO US THIS GLORIOUS MOTHERFUCKING WEEKEND. FRI: 69°/44° SUNNY 'N' NICE SAT: 64°/48° MOSTLY SUN SUN: 70°/51° SUNNY

DENVER THE MORNINGS ARE BRISK BUT THE SKIES ARE (MOSTLY) CLEAR, COLORADO FALL IS IN FULL MOTHERFUCKING EFFECT, AND DARE I SAY IT, SWEATER WEATHER IS NIGH. YOUR FUCKING WEATHER: SUN: 69°/44° MON: 64°/48° TUE: 70°/51° WED: 67°/51° THU: 64°/45° FRI: 65°/44°

DENVER WE ARE THICK IN THE MIDDLE OF COLORADO'S AUTUMNAL MAJESTY! CAN I GET A HELL YEAH? CAN I GET FUCK YES? CAN I GET A MOTHERFUCKING PUMPKIN SPICED LATTE? HELL NO FUCK STARBUCKS. LET'S SEE WHAT THE WEEKEND LOOKS LIKE: FRI: 72°/56° PERFECT SAT: 74°/57° PERFECT SUN: 73°/43° PERFECT

DENVER, THIS COLD FRONT BRINGS A TOUCH O’ FALL WITH IT, BUT THEN IT’S BACK TO THE LOW 80s, SOMEHOW. IT'S WEIRD, I DON'T MAKE THE RULES, GO COMPLAIN TO THE WEATHER GODS IF U DON'T LIKE IT. YOUR FUCKIN WEATHER: SUN: 66° EVENING RAIN MON: 56° EVENING RAIN TUE: 65° WED: 77° THU: 82° FRI: 78°

DENVER NGL TODAY CAN SUCK MY SWEATY NUTSACK, I KNOW IT'S FRIDAY BUT MY NUTSACK IS SO SWEATY AND IT COULD USE SOME ATTENTION. YOUR FUCKING WEEKEND: FRI: 87°, SWEATY SAT: 81°/47° OOOH SUN: 69°/46° CHECK OUT THOSE OVERNIGHT LOWS IN THE 40s

DENVER, WHEN I SAID WE COULD KISS THOSE 80° HIGHS GOODBYE I WAS FUCKING WRONG. YES, IT IS FALL. BUT FALL IN NAME ONLY. SAD TO SAY THAT THE WEATHER GODS ARE ONCE AGAIN FUCKING WITH US. YOUR FUCKING WEATHER: SUN: 85° MON: 80° TUE: 82° WED: 72° PERFECT THU: 67° PERFECT FRI: 73° YES

DENVER GOD BLESS THIS WEEKEND SAY GOODBYE TO THE 80 DEGREE HIGHS WE MAY SEE ONE OR TWO MORE OF THESE LIL' FUCKS BUT FOR THE MOST PART THEY GONE. YOUR FUCKING WEEKEND: FRI: 83°/53° SAT: 80°/54° SUN: 80°/53°

DENVER, APOLOGIES FOR THE LATENESS, BEEN ROLLING SPLIFFS FOR THE WEATHER GODS IN AN EFFORT TO GET THEM TO WALK BACK TUESDAY’S BULLSHITTERY. YOUR FUCKING WEEK: SUN: 82° MON: 78° PM THUNDERSTORMS TUE: 54° WTFFF LOWS IN THE 40s WTFFF SOMEONE ALERT MATT WED: 72° THU: 80° FRI: 83° FEELS UNNECESSARY

DENVER, THIS WEEKEND SUMMER DIES... BUT NOT WITHOUT A FIGHT. JUST REMEMBER, OUR 80-DEGREE DAYS ARE NUMBERED, SOON WE GET A JOYOUS COLORADO AUTUMN, AND JUST AROUND THE CORNER... I CAN HEAR IT CALL... "SWEATER.... WEATHER...." YOUR FUCKING WEEKEND: FRI: 81° SAT: 81° SUN: 82°

DENVER, THIS WEEK’S WEATHER IS MORE ALL OVER THE PLACE THAN YOUR LAST THREE EX’S. GOOD THING IT’S JUST SO GODDAMNED BEAUTIFUL HOLY SHITBALLS COLORADO I LOVE THIS FOR US. YOUR FUCKING WEATHER: SUN: 76° PERFECT MON: 85° TUE: 75° P.M. STORMS WED: 66° A.M. RAIN THU: 75° GORGEOUS FRI: 79°

DENVER KNOW WHAT? I'M NOT GOING TO COMPLAIN. THIS IS FUCKING FINE. SURE IT COULD BE BETTER, BUT WHY NOT BE HAPPY WITH WHAT WE HAVE. YOUR FUCKING WEEKEND: FRI: 83° THUNDERSTORMS SAT: 79° STORMS SUN: 77°, PERFECT

DEFINITELY EXPECTING MORE FROM SEPTEMBER DEFINITELY DON'T LIKE THIS VERY MUCH. YOUR FUCKING WEATHER, DENVER: SUN: 83° MON: 87° TUE: 86° WED: 88° THU: 87° FRI: 81°

DENVER WOW I FUCKING LOVE THIS FOR US, THIS IS WHY WE COLORADO. YOUR FUCKING WEEKEND: FRI: 71° SAT: 83° SUN: 83°

SO NGL DENVER THIS IS NOT WHAT I’D HOPED FOR RIDING INTO SEPTEMBER BUT IT’S THE WEATHER THAT’S COMING AND WE’RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO CLENCH OUR TEETH A LIL’ AND GET USED TO IT. NOT AWFUL, BUT NOT GREAT. YOUR FUCKING WEATHER: SUN: 82° MON: 85° TUE: 86° WED: 85° THU: 88° FRI: 80°