Polling other Tessa Violet fans: is "Bad Bitch" meant to be ironic? Because...not to be rude, but...it's TESSA VIOLET.

Cheeseburger is love.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

That February 13th urge to randomly text people one's fallen out with and be like "btw, still hate you, have a great Valentine's Day!!"

I have now been divorced twice as long as I was married, and that was absolutely one of the best choices I made in my life. Never hesitate to seek your freedom, no matter what your past choices have led to.

Not to sound like An Old for the second time in five minutes, but things should be smaller OR more expensive; that they're smaller AND more expensive is just insulting.

Me, 45 years old, disabled, googling Olympians: "...I'm about to find out something really unfortunate about the year they were born, aren't I..."

omg everybody go draw a horse this is what the internet was made for gradient.horse

Yes, the tequila enhances the Lego experience, why would you even ask. #loved

An administrative hill I will die on: everything, everything, EVERYTHING that uses people's full names should ALSO be sortable by last name. If I can download the data into a spreadsheet, it needs to be sortable by last name.

How is it already/only February 9th.

The gentle quiet cooking videos with instructions in both Korean or Japanese and English are better that what I would imagine xanax would be for anxiety. Like yes, pour that sugar into the cream and whip to stiff peakssssssss...

Dangling mistletoe from the back of my shirt, because more people need to be told to kiss my ass today.

Man, everyone from the tattoo artists to the slime creators are like "not feeling Valentine's Day? We have options for you too!!" this year...

This is 45!!!

tfw the tattoo shop you're going to is the ONLY local one not to have dropped their Valentine's flash sheets yet... 🥺

Me, talking to my junior seminar students today: They are going to reject you for some REALLY STUPID SHIT. That is not your fault. x.com/90daysliquid...

I love short films. I love film trailers. But why the actual fuck are short films getting trailers?? No shade to the genre, but you don't need to give your sub-20-minute film a one minute and thirty second trailer, come the entire fuck on.

Oh my dear ducklings. Canvas narcs on you in ways you cannot even begin to imagine.

Me, 2009: Lady Gaga uses color based Catholic symbolism Others, 2011: NONSENSE Lady Gaga, 2020: *puts out 911* Me, 2027: watch for a book on the Harlequin/Harley Quinn, feat. Lady Gaga as Lee Quinn and her Catholic color symbolism...

Day before groundhog day. Went out; didn't see my own shadow.* Mostly because I was trying to avoid the NUMEROUS piles of dog shit left by Shockoe Bottom's LAZIEST fucking dog owners, oh my dear god. *weather forecasting powers of my shadow unproven.

Non-teachers: teaching is easy!! Me: "I've been teaching this assignment for eight years across multiple universities, classes, and modalities, and I've ALMOST got to the point where I've refined it enough to meet learning objectives, be cheating proof, and not create panic in the students."

Oh hey, this is a year where the date I was born falls on the day I was born: Thursday! Going to set my calendar to "away" and spend a fair part of the day with the 'rents.

Putting together my annual productivity report for work is 1/2 resentfully copy/pasting, and 1/2 being like "fuck yeah, I got the hustle..." *self-appreciative snaps*

Flipping the script rn, I'm sorry but I do not particularly care what Canadians think or feel about the US situation. Has anything happened to you yet? Are your citizens being gunned down by thugs in the streets? No? Then shut up unless you're offering help, frfr.

Wow some people are legit attractive right up until they open their mouths and ruin everything. *sigh*

Screwed up by calling my favorite bartender sweetie, he screwed up by saying love you instead of goodbye. Being a regular is boss.

I've just skimmed a 250 page book for the words "cow," "cattle," "livestock," "animal," and "mutilation," because the author did not include an index, and... *cracks neck*

I am *begging* publishers to stop requiring authors put web links in printed material. Sure, let me go to that resource, I'll just TYPE THE WEBSITE INTO MY BROWSER ONE CHARACTER AT A TIME.

...she was about to clock that guy, no lie.

Being an adult is so awesome, because you can just find another person and be like "I LIKE YOU, DO YOU WANT TO HANG OUT" and they're like "FUCK YES I DO, LET'S DO THAT" and then you do. Kids have all sorts of middlemen and stuff. Gonna by ice cream for breakfast and everything.

Man, I love reddit. I got almost 150 upvotes for telling a woman to break up with her boyfriend who won't take the time to wash his hair or his ass. Let's have 2026 be the year we do not teach grown men proper hygiene, we just dump their unwashed asses.

Me: *having a decently uneventful night* YouTube: "COLLEEN BALLINGER HAS DONE SOMETHING STUPID IN PUBLIC AGAIN!!!" Me: *leaping for the popcorn and a drink*

Twice today I've been like "ooooh?? How much are we talking about?" only to subsequently be "ohhhhh. So that's how much we're talking about." Not to sound like An Old, but damn shit is expensive.

One of the best cinematic examples of the gaslighting phenomenon (post Gaslight) is "The Devil's Advocate," staring Keanu Reeves & Charlize Theron, where you, the viewer, see all the demonic bullshit that the latter experiences, but Reeves doesn't, as she begs him to believe her.

Dear self, Do not order a pineapple. You do not end up eating all of the pineapple. You do not end up happy that you've bought a pineapple. Remember the lessons of the past, and do not be tempted. Love, Me

Dear next door neighbors, If you are having two or more sobbing screaming fights a month, BREAK THE FUCK UP ALREADY. There's not enough booze in the world for me to be okay listening to you guys. Fucks sake. No love, Me

Of all product placements/name drops ever, the one for Dasani in WAP has *got* to be the weirdest.

You felt like A night when I was at the club Had too much to drink Walked out into the cold, clear dark No clouds The sky was full of stars Spinning Milky Way bright The air made my lungs feel like I was going to burst from breathing in

Faucets: dripping (and silenced as much as possible.) Aux batteries: charged. Shelves: stable and stocked. Water: bottled, and plentiful. Booze: yes. Snow: nothing yet. Richmond's weather: either a flash in the pan, or a fucking disaster, nothing in between.

There's a part of unlearning relationship trauma where a current partner does something similar to a previous abusive one, and you take a beat to make yourself react differently, and they're perfectly reasonable & your entire body relaxes, because love does not purposefully hurt.

Me, glaring at a flickering lightbulb in anticipation of the upcoming snowpocalypse: "...don't you fucking start with me..."

Where my other "I'm not certain if that was an insult or a compliment..." autistics at...

Yes, yes, it's two and a half weeks until my 45th birthday, but it's ALSO two and a half weeks until the newest JD Robb "In Death" book release!! If you want me on February 3rd, no you do not.

Who else gets a tattoo idea and your brain won't let it go until it's on your body? #Switchblade

For everyone who's searched "get rid of Gmail 'promotions' and 'social,'" they deactivate if you turn off the AI slop function! Because, no, I don't need an AI summary of a 5 sentence email I wrote & the 1 sentence reply from the friend I sent it to, because I am literate, thx.

*shakes fist* CANNNNNNNVAS!!!