"You should try everything once, except incest and Morris dancing." -- Attributed to various folks, such as Sir Thomas Beecham, Sir Malcolm Sargent, Sir Arnold Bax, Stephen Fry, Oscar Wilde, George Bernard Shaw, and WC Fields. #quote #dance #yolo

This seems to work for 2026, too. #pinata #news #whatnow

:)

RT @koreydior_ DENTIST: When I poke the most tender part of your mouth with a sharp instrument it bleeds and that's your fault ME: I am so sorry. @tylerjroney Flour company CEO: Let’s sell it in a paper bag that’s not completely sealed at the bottom. Sugar company CEO: I like your thinking!

RT @SamDelanche I thought my #vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant but apparently it just changes the color of the baby. @Corrosivebaker Drinking hard #cider makes me feel like an 18th century farmer who believes the teenage girls in the village are causing his crops to fail

RT @4adfan It’s possible to be CONSUMED with rage & not murder people. WOMEN HAVE BEEN DOING IT EVERY SINGLE DAY SINCE THE ELECTION. One time I was so enraged, but #InsteadOfMurder I made some memes, listened to 90’s Britpop, & re-watched #KillingEve. What did you do #InsteadOfMurder?

Clever posts of yore: @drhonor From now on it’s just called “Soccer” and “Men’s Soccer,” right? @JennyJohnsonHi5 Wet Seal is where little girl's innocent dreams turn into a Whitesnake video.

Clever posts of yore: @AlanAlda YESTERDAY was International Kissing Day. The whole day. It was exhausting. @badbanana "After last week's scare with Jeremy, the new first rule of Fight Club is absolutely no peanuts or snacks containing peanuts." #kiss #fightclub

Clever posts of yore: @jessss_privv microwave: would you like your food too hot or too cold me: what if you cooked it just right microwave: wHaT iF You COoKeD it JuST RiGht Imao ok goldilocks @grogankeith I'm going to market an old fashioned candy necklace for seniors but with Tums and Ibuprofen.

RT: @yonewt You're damn right I want to complete an online survey, hand that receipt right here. @BoobsRadley "What's that? Everybody else on the Potato Naming Committee is sick? Well, well, well." - Craig Fingerling. @splodgeyuk Gender was created by Big Toilet to sell more bathrooms. #funny

holy shit gorgeous illuminated manuscript piñatas robertobenavidez.com/illuminated-...

Nyc fireworks going off. Enjoy here www.youtube.com/live/8Zhu7jw...

Awww... #kids #parenting #panda

(source unknown to me) #America #hope #4thofjuly

#4thofjuly #declarationofindependence #history

It's interesting how everything people used to proudly call "public" when I was growing up (public parks, public libraries, public schools, public transportation, public television, etc) is suddenly "socialist" now that rich people are spinning it.

:) #forest #witch

:) #pigeon #secret

Public Service Announcement: You may not need to drink lactose-free milk, but know that it seems to last a lot longer than regular milk. We've been buying it for quite a while now and no more unpleasant-smelling milk after a few days. And it tastes the same. (To me, anyway.) #PSA #milk

"Every country is like a particular type of person. America is like a belligerent, adolescent boy, Canada like an intelligent, 35-year-old woman. Australia is like Jack Nicholson. It comes right up to you and laughs very hard in your face in a highly threatening and engaging manner." - Douglas Adams

Clever post of yore: Nobody will remember: - Your salary - Your title - How ‘busy’ you were - How many hours you worked - How much you achieved… But people will always remember: - How much you loved #birds - How much you taught them about birds - How many bird pictures you posted - Birds

Clever posts of yore: @ChristFinnegan July 4th this year feels like attending a birthday party for someone in hospice. @davidthestella My chicken was in the oven longer than that ceasefire #4thofJuly #ceasefire

RT: @sannewman Remember to BREATHE: B: Be yourself R: Remember others E: Evolve A: Adapt T: Transcend the others H: Hunt them E: Eat their flesh @cschleichsrun I know the US hasn't fully achieved dystopia yet but I just had a Handmaid's-Tale-level reaction of relief upon arriving in #Canada

Clever post of yore: @JeremyCShipp You are fantastic. You are an enchanted pinecone. You are a gargoyle spitting out endless cocktails. You are a troupe of cryptids performing Shakespeare in an abandoned Blockbuster. You are a tide pool filled with bioluminescent anemones and human-faced crabs.

Clever posts of yore: @ronnui_ Me and the boys made Guy Scouts and we are thriving I just got a badge for having too many HDMI cables and Dave got a badge for emotional honesty @anthonydevito if bezos decides he doesn't like being married, he can just drop her off at any Whole Foods location

RT: @LizHackett Give me a tote bag so enormous that I can rummage for something and say "one sec" and climb inside the bag and then you hear me going down a set of stairs. @bessbell Hi! I hope this email finds you in another dimension where none of this is happening and everything is fine.

Clever posts of yore: @lazerdoov Canada Day is when we all get together and celebrate how good we are at coming up with clever names for our holidays @iamsambee One night in N.H. and I've already joined a militia. We stick-fight to the music of Melissa Etheridge and cool down w/ sea salt scrubs.

Posts of yore: @jacobshoaf Sometimes it's helpful to remind [some] pro-lifers that women are a type of life @capricecrane According to my neighbor's journal, I have "boundary issues." @LlamaInaTux why do dryers have a "less dry" option? which one of you is ordering your socks medium rare?

So fucking important

:) #love #poetry #poem #sonnet

Clever posts of yore: @hamstur1984 I don't want to be controversial, but DOVE chocolate tastes way better than their soap @meganamram Apparently he "loves me not." I wish this butterfly had more wings @OhNoSheTwitnt Imagine living on #Earth and voting against something called The Clean Air Act.

Clever posts of yore: @nattylumpo88 If you clear your throat into Google Translate there's a 72% chance you'll learn a new German word. @david.eckmier Trump: “We have all the cards. Every single one. It’s not going to work out well for Canada.” Canada : “UNO.” #Canada #uno #German #languages

Clever posts of yore: @abbycohenwl [Pollock family game night] Jackson: K who's gonna be my partner for Pictionary -- Mom: Not it Dad: Not it Sis: Not it Gramma: DAMN IT @Mmelulu Apparently it's only repartée if it comes from the repartée region of France otherwise it's just sparkling wit. #art

Clever posts of yore: @Cpin42 NOT EVERYONE WAS KUNG FU FIGHTING, MOM. SOME OF US WERE TRYING TO BREAK IT UP. @nathanwpyle TIP: If a friend ever says they have a chocolate lab, do not get your hopes up when you are going to their house because they are just talking about a dog. #dogs #fight

RT: @foodfacenow Me: I can't seem to lose weight CW: Have you tried cutting back on your sugar intake Me:*stirring coffee with snickers bar* What do you mean @jasonroeder For me, the hardest part of the driving test was escaping before the car filled with ocean water. #test #coffee #diet

Clever posts of yore: @DanielRCarrillo Raid™: For when you don't want to kill ants, but want to make them late for something. @donni Every bathtub wants to grow up to be the ocean @better_off_dad Technically, it's not road rage once you pull into their living room. #rage #bugs #hope #dreams

“To say I’m an overrated troll, when you have never even seen me guard a bridge, is patently unfair.” ― Tina Fey, "Bossypants" #troll #trolls #quote #tinafey

:) #race #protest #whitesupremacy

:) #evil #stunt #medieval

:) #shopping #attack

Slowing down while the world rushes by. Good night, friends 💙❤️ #Acrylic #Art #Painting #City #RainyNight #StreetlampLight #Taxi #NightWalks #SilentStreets #FindYourLight #Solitude #Breathe #Reflect

It really is this simple

NEW: USPS is moving forward with Trump's attack on mail voting, proposing a rule that would require states to share private voter information to receive mail ballots. There's still time to fight back, Marc Elias writes: the public comment period is open through July 2. Submit your comments today👇

Clever posts of yore: @ariannahuff "In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act." - George Orwell, born on this day 110 years ago @zaleskiluke They install the guy from apprentice and then we all have to be on survivor?

Clever posts of yore: @biorhythmist Day 4278 of my #caffeine LD50 field test experiment. Eyeballs are vibrating. Can hear colors. Caught a hummingbird. @QuintinForbes "We must put a full stop to this." The Punctuation Police

RT: @Darlainky I lost a contact at the #gym and while I was searching for it people started gathering around and long story short I teach #yoga now. @biorhythmist What a lame bar. The drinks are weak and the women are all "kind of busy" or "what is your problem" or "this is a pottery class, sir."

Clever posts of yore: @AbbyHasIssues #Relationship status: Intentionally drove over rumble strips. @sixthformpoet Escalators are just stairs that drank too much #coffee. @maughammom My daughter won’t eat chicken but she will drink water out of a squirt gun that was left outside all winter

RT: @HMittelmark I knew she'd be trouble the minute she walked into my office, stumbled, knocked over the hat rack, then somehow got her feet entangled in my trench coat and, arms whirling like propellers as she tried to stay upright, sent my bourbon bottle flying, which spilled and ignited, then

RT: @indyfromspace It's not a #coup unless it's from the Coup d'Ètat region of France, otherwise it's sparkling rebellion @erinmallorylong This #pandemic is exactly why I hated group projects in school. @@kwkorpi.bsky.social‬ Every sound my knees make is a #podcast I didn’t subscribe to.