This poor kid was brutally, brutally murdered. I gave a little something to his bereft parents. Maybe you'd like to, as well? www.gofundme.com/f/support-fo...

my mother has a medical podcast where she self diagnoses her ailments it’s called my voicemail and it happens every morning at 9 am.

The year is 2030. Bakery art is so realistic, literally anything could be cake. The uncertainty has gripped the world in fear. I go to hug my wife for comfort. She is cake.

I knew we had to talk about mental health impact of the administration's ongoing attack on immigrants. We do that. What I didn't expect was Cristina Jimínez, a MacArthur fellow and expert, to be so positive about what Minnesotans taught the country about how to come together. Hell of an episode.

"The thing that makes you exceptional, if you are at all, is inevitably that which must also make you lonely." -- Lorraine Hansberry #lonely #quote

#Obama #ignorance #notcool #cool

:) #vegetarian

“If you have an apple and I have an apple and we exchange apples, then you and I will each have one apple. But if you have an idea and I have an idea and we exchange these ideas, then each of us will have two ideas.” -- attributed to George Bernard Shaw #quote #share #sharing

From Harper's Index: "Portion of female students asked to sit alone for 15 minutes who will self-administer an electric shock out of curiosity: 1/4 Of male students: 2/3" #man #women #gender

From Twitter: @CatWorkers Window blind installation specialist. #cats #windows #haha

Posts of yore: @AbbyHasIssues This sweatshirt is so old it calls it “The #Twitter” and hands out Werther's to visiting children. @arjunbasu She had recovered sufficiently from a past she longed to escape. And he was handsome. Until he opened his mouth and lectured her about wine. #mansplaining

Posts of yore: @WoodyLuvsCoffee Just saw a guy sitting with a Blackberry and a newspaper. I think he was waiting for a horse. Chaucer Doth Tweet (@LeVostreGC): Hys fortress: a pyneappel vndir the se; Robert le Sponge Square Breech! Absorbent & yalwe & porous ys he; Robert le Sponge Square Breech!

Clever posts of yore: @juliussharpe The main reason I don't like Greek yogurt is all the hair. @fesshole While working, I like to listen to mundane voice recordings of old NASA missions. Makes me feel like I'm working on an important space mission rather than marketing. #Greek #yogurt #NASA

RT: @lurkathomemom #Gardening seems so relaxing until you try it and realize it’s grueling, filthy, buggy, disappointing, you’re terrible at it, and nature hates you. But alas, here you are again, you delusional fool, elbow deep in spring dirt, declaring “I think this is my year for pumpkins.”

Clever posts of yore: @WoodyLuvsCoffee I thought white noise was the sound of people complaining at Starbucks @mom_needsalife There needs to be a parenting book called “What To Expect - The Teen Years” because this is some next level bullshit #$TEENS #teenagers #parenting #whitenoise #whitepeople

This is a friend of mine. I invite anyone interested to help support him. Thank you! gofund.me/a4872d087

Posts of yore: @TheWeirdWorld We live in an age where we have to prove to machines that we are not machines @KalvinMacleod INTERVIEWER: your #resume says that you take things too literally ME: how the hell did my resume say that? @amydillon "Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, GUYS!" -me, #parenting

Post of yore: @sketchesbyboze dream jobs: • knife-wielding antiquities librarian & linguistics expert • lesbian vampire who sleeps all day and shuns exercise • seller of sugar-candy to scurvy-ridden whalemen • laudanum-addicted poet prone to night terrors & sleep-walking #dreamjob #jobs #career

RT: @joshgondelman I have the physique and #personality of a turtle who lost his shell in an accident. @curlycomedy I work from home, so I’m a stay-at-work mom. @makaylathinks i once worked with someone who told customers “sorry, it’s my first day!” any time they messed up. for 2 years straight

🌊JOIN A TEAM TO HELP DEMs WIN 🔵VOTE FORWARD votefwd/org 🔵5 CALLS 5calls/org 🔵SWING LEFT swingleft/org 🔵POSTCARDS TO VOTERS postcardstovoters/org 🔵ROCK THE VOTE rockthevote/org 🔵FIELD TEAM 6 fieldteam6/org #VoteBlueAndGetOthers2JoinU #TaxBillionaires #SaveDemocracy SPREAD THE WORD

:) #mask #covid19 #Armenian #crafting

:) #eagle #America #oops #yikes

:) #oops #granny #LSD #pets

"I love Lolita. I read it for the first time in fourth grade, because I was told that it had sexy parts. And because Nabokov is such a good writer, I was unable to find any of the sexy parts." -- Lena Dunham #lenadunham

:) #illusion #shark #sharks #sharkweek

“You know by a certain age that, contrary to appearances, all of us are weird, with our squinchiness, jabs, denial, judgment, tone deafness, and we can also be so lovely that it breaks your heart.” -- Anne Lamott #quote #lovely #annelamott

:) #nevergiveup #dontgiveup

This poor kid was horrifically murdered. Consider sending some support to his wrecked parents. www.gofundme.com/f/support-fo...

RT @cluedont If you hold a buttercup under someone's chin you can tell whether they have an issue with people invading their personal space or not @cleanfoodcrush One of my favorite yearly traditions is spending $345 on gardening supplies so I don’t have to pay $3 for tomatoes @the grocery store

Clever posts of yore: @mattwhitlockPM Ladies: if a man orders you to make him a sandwich, do it. The average adult male carcass will yield about 200 sandwiches. Make it a party! @JohnLyonTweets Anybody want to buy some exercise equipment? I’m having a going-out-of-fitness sale. #fitness #men

:) RT: @FeralCrone I liked their boyfriend jeans so I'm wearing the Gap's new #boyfriend bra and it is somehow both suffocating me and giving me zero support. @Shade510 A bandanna covering my face makes ordering my venti sugar free cinnamon dolce breve latte no foam just a little more gangsta.

"Most complicated board game ever" :) #game #games #gaming #boardgame #boardgames #rules www.youtube.com/watch?v=0oOD...

:) #frogs #princess #wish #wishes

So... I ordered 20 inexpensive razor refills on eBay. This is not how I expected them to arrive. #wtf #ebay #shopping

Love this. (source unknown to me) #introvert #introverts #courage

Clever posts of yore: @lizhackett Sunday's a blood moon. Any other ladies want to gather at that unexplained stone labyrinth in the woods and summon a demon? I'll bring a cheese plate. @thealexnevil *Schrödinger’s Pet Store Customer: Do you have any cats? Sales Clerk: We might.

Posts of yore: @WoodyLuvsCoffee Cop: What happened? Me: A Smart Car hit one of those little Fiats. Cop: Can you describe the accident. Me: Adorable? @1evilidiot I just rolled my eyes so hard I saw what could've been @jordan_stratton Laugh lines. Because you deserve to be punished for your joy

Clever post of yore: @fesshole When my son's hamster died I placed it in a carrier bag ready for a burial after school. I later got a phone call from a teacher saying there was a dead hamster was in his lunch box. There is also a cheese roll buried in the garden. #oops #sorry #mybad

Clever posts of yore: @Sean_Browning Finally emptied out my dreamcatcher this morning. Gross. @indyfromspace‬⁩ I recently heard "Crypto is Mary Kay for men" @elainesim28 You know you’re over 40 when you have “upstairs ibuprofen”and “downstairs ibuprofen”. #dreams #crypto #aging

#Painting contrast—quiet homes beneath a restless sky, warmth against deep blues, and nature in motion. Link in comments. #art #artistsofbluesky #contemporaryart #blueskyartshow #womensartbluesky #landscapepainting

:) #haha

:) #career #careers #jobs #goals

I get yelled at for saying this but for many hundreds of years people went to university not to get diplomas or be employable but because immersion in the humanities was considered foundational to a good life, and school must return to its original purpose: the joy of learning.

Clever posts of yore: @_Bad_Karma So if oil is made from decomposed dinosaurs, and plastic is made from oil...then plastic dinosaurs are made from REAL dinosaurs!?!? @GianDoh The opening ceremony for our ribbon repair business was pretty confusing. @nycsouthpaw What a year this week has been.

Clever posts of yore: @KattsDogma "You have a BA? Ooooh! Look at you! Well, I have a BA, an MA, & a PhD." - 3rd degree burn @kentwgraham I just depleted the earth of 14 gallons of fresh water cleaning out a peanut butter jar for recycling. #burn #recycling

Clever post of yore: @sketchesbyboze honestly any day you don't spend napping beneath the umbrella of a large mushroom, waiting for a hedge-sparrow to bring you a letter from your one true love who lives in the knot of a tree on the other side of the woods, is a day wasted.

RT: @rejectedjokes Oh, I'm so #sorry. I had no idea this was your Sharona. @Super_Cynthia What if OUIJA boards just make you move the planchette around to where it wants to be scratched @danjan13 Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets. Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets.

I have created a diorama of the Partridge family attacking the Brady Bunch family. My life is very boring.

too many stupid people have money; that's why I'm launching protein cigarettes