The dog at my work has a prong collar that’s WAY too tight and I’m scared of confrontation but I have to say something. They are torturing her 😭

Someone’s little kid came up to me today while I was crocheting and said my work was so beautiful.

It’s called lunch babes

Job application: we need people rly bad! Fill out soooo many questions and btw what is your rate Me: (does all the shit) Job: LOL well here’s what we are offering take it or leave it

“Her urine looks beautiful! Yay!” just vet visit things lmao

Made a mistake at work and got in trouble and now I want to die many such cases

Me crocheting the pieces of an amigurumi: haha! Yeah!! Me sewing: well this sucks. Wtf

Never a better time to hit the vending machine when some guys 4 kids are going daddy pleeeeeeease right in front of it. Lmfao get a job losers

“The ice guys are fat lol” if you don’t fucking fuck all the way off with that horse shit motherfucker I swear to god

don’t forget to destroy your clocks tonight, walk away from your mortgage, just start driving, you’re free

DRIVING SLOWER THAN YOU DESIRE IS NOT A HARM BEING DONE TO YOU!!!!!!

My “will probably never be a lap cat” proving them all wrong

My boss said some shit to me that pmo so I went and got an interview day after tomorrow. You do it then! BYE

Putting a “caution new driver” sticker on a Porsche is psychotic behavior. I hate rich ppl

I can describe like 8 of my favorite games poorly at the same time. The pressures of corporate life are getting to you. You’re craving a change. And you’ve inherited some land in a charming little town….

Hahah I neeeeeed a new job 💀

stop calling us nazis just because we are invalidating IDs and rounding people up based on their skin color and putting them in concentration camps and sending them off to foreign gulags and using all that nazi imagery and banning books and dont forget about all the pedophilia. so just stop alright

I’m once again asking for the power to explode brains with my mind! I can be trusted with the power to explode brains with my mind

Sometimes when I’m stressed about money I make a big payment on my credit card so I can have different stress about money. That’s what it means to say “moving money around”

I wish all reckless drivers a very aggressive colorectal cancer

Love to crochet part of a glove and get to round 5 and then frog it. Nothing beats rounds one to five. I love doing them again and again, getting pretty sure my hand size is increasing slightly each time for some reason

They should invent a type of stranger that doesnt talk to me

Lesson painfully learned. I’m not ever taking another in home position if the family doesnt self describe themselves as “neat freaks”

How do I tell him the static shocks are from him snuggling on the blankey, and I’m SORRY! 😩

Everyone shut up. His stories are on

Love to be on my 11th covid positive day and my boss being bummed out by my face mask and saying “you are probably not infectious, it’s just positive because of remnants” ok. I’m gonna keep it on while I work in your home with your children if that’s fine

Small sample of my The List -mouth open chewers -loud sneezers -speeders -bigots -backing into all parking space people -cough without covering mouthers -people who won’t put the toilet seat down -people who leave their shopping cart randomly around -the salvation army I ran out of characters

Fireworks are such bullshit I hate them so bad

I’m cutting it a little close I know. But I’m so happy with how this scarf is coming out for my mom for Christmas. Just a few more fringes to go!

“The children are sick” I say. “Oh, yeah… it’s just some mystery virus.” Oh okay I guess that answers that then

Embarrassing trying to hide your kids illness from me when the kid is old enough to be like, mom yes I am coughing today! I feel unwell! I also knew you were doing this when he was a tiny sick baby and I know you’re doing it now. Just be for real for one second!

Never kill yourself. Two bags of limón chips could fall out of the vending machine any time.

The kids are like, can we please hear songs that aren’t Christmas. NO! Once the jingle hop has begun it stops for no one. No one!!

Driving around for my job so much is not good for me. Slow down slow down slow down SLOW DOWN SLOW DOWN jesus shitting Christ

Coming to terms with how basic I am. I’ll fall in love with anybody who is nice to me and any band if they go 1-2-3-4! Or hup hup hup! Or say Yeah! At just the right time. It’s too late to change myself now, oh well. Hup hup hup!

My 15 year old cat has just now learned how to use a pillow. She keeps coming to lay down with her head on my pillow, where I’m sleeping!! and her whiskers touch my face and I wake up thinking spiders are on me!! And I can’t even make her go away because she’s such a cute and sweet old lady baby! 😭

This guys biscuits would suck. He kneads the dough for way too long. Amateur hour over here.

It’s soooo hard knowing better than everybody all the time ☹️

A 7 year old child in my care today was like hey check out this song everyone was singing today at school 🎵 somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me 🎵 So, if you need me, sorry. I have died

Super unfair that I have to go to work while my cat gets to watch 10 hours of baby goats and nap all day.

I love that this discord message is how I found out

One thing we love in this house are stacks of blankies and beds on beds. It’s called exponential comfort look it up sweaty.

He longs for an immersive viewing experience. We call this “birdie movie” and he does it every day

New app logo giving me motion sickness

I love to find out that my doctor audio recorded my whole visit into copilot without my consent and then just wrote in my chart that I verbally consented. COOL cool cool cool cool

It’s actually simple as fuck. It doesn’t say “no dogs unless he’s nice” or “35 mph when lights flash unless you are in a rush or that just seems unreasonably slow to you” and it doesn’t say “no parking fire lane unless you’ll be so quick” do you see what I’m saying

Why every time I go somewhere a service person is like how fucking dare you come here? Are you stupid?? Your car doesn’t even NEED an oil change today MORON get the fuck out. And then I’m like “no worries”

The amount of times I’ve had to explain to folks that I don’t do my job for free, ever, is TOO MANY! This shouldn’t be hard. You wouldn’t ask a plumber or landscaper to just do a little work for a please and thank you. Hello??! Just slap my face instead. I can respect that more

The hardest part about becoming an adult is learning, and worse, accepting, that many many people do not think thoughts with their thinking brain when making decisions or doing things. I wish I could just live with my brain off too but I just can’t.

My dumb ass was like “why is everyone making rapture jokes lol”