Couldn't find any bipeds who work in the store, could you

After 11 years I figured out how to stop Snowball's constant desk piracy, set up an adjoining work station with performance enhancing substances.

Fish Tacos from El Gato Mr. Roboto Tacos (dun dun dun) Tacos (dun dun dun)

Here's the donation page for the South Texas Environmental Justice Network, which has been fighting corporate land giveaways by state and federal officials to Captain Explosion, a/k/a Elon Musk.

I will donate a shitload of money (within reason) to whatever conservancy organization sues the fuck out of this corrupt decision to keep the exploding rocket trade going. Laguna Atascosa is not only a crucial butterfly/bird migration crossroads but the home of OCELOTS.

Cat: Your savior ain't shit

Need any baby bottles cleaned with my tail?

Thank God we put in that sour milk sniffing cat, we've really cut down on customer complaints

"The cookies may be thin but I ain't"

Well, Group of Five, whatever that is, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is: never darken the door of our playoffs ever again.

Hoo Lord just kick a fucking field goal you fucking dingbats

4th and about 2 feet so let's lock onto one receiver on a route that has about a 10% success rate, but first let's burn up a time out.

I guess it's true, although the biggest problems WE face are computers vomiting up endless slop, intellectual property theft, electricity hogging and water draining uselessness that's fueling a potentially destructive economic bubble.

The incompetence is funny right up until you remember they're covering up for pedophiles and sex traffickers

It's the most.. wonderful time... of the year.

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a Josh Johnson sighting. Like seeing a steam-powered car on the highway or a working coin-operated pay phone.

Congress passed law to release Trump-Epstein Files and Trump (1) released about 1% of Files (2) redacted almost everything (3) clearly doctored photos & added others to attack his enemies. Only meaningful story about this “release” is everyone involved is clearly breaking the law.

Reup of this public resource we created Timeline of Jeffrey Epstein-Ghislaine Maxwell Law Enforcement Failures (1996-2025) with links to all the publicly available documents

Mykola Leontovych: Maybe one day this will be converted into an annoying Christmas song and used in insistent, loud commercials that have people scrambling for their mute buttons.

Here's one of my favorite jokes apart from the football game we just watched: Two Aggies walking across campus look over and see a dog licking his own balls. The first Aggie says "man, I wish I could do that." The second Aggie says "I dunno, I think that dog will bite you." Sorry Grandpa (A&M '36)

In a surprise outcome, Notre Dame advances to the quarterfinals as the winner of the Texas A&M/Miami game

Guys it is my pleasure to report that Slender Smurfs and Gun-Robots III was every bit as enjoyable as the first two. The plot is pretty difficult to recount, suffice to say I don't care to remember it.

Well maybe one of the 30 point blowouts in the crap college football playoffs later today will be exciting.

Kristen Welker will be "interviewing" Todd Blanche on MTP tomorrow. Do you think she'll ask why Ghislaine got moved and has a puppy? Will she ask why Blanche ordered the kidnapping of Ras Baraka? Will she ask about Trump's witch hunt against Comey and James?

It may be true that Texas sucks, but counterpoint: only state with ocelots.

This photo, file 468, from the Epstein files that includes Donald Trump has apparently now been removed from the DOJ release. AG Bondi, is this true? What else is being covered up? We need transparency for the American public.

If I were to diagnose Wheeler & Woolsey's problem it's that apart from the outfits not much distinguishes the two, they have approximately the same voice and intelligence level. Their writers also suck. And neither is inherently funny. Apart from that they should have been huge.

YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE ELF I MUTILATED TO ACQUIRE THIS OUTFIT

Trickle release of Epstein files on a Friday signals move to bury Trump ties

The White House coverup of the Epstein Files continues. Here’s what we know and what’s next.

The Justice Department is denying justice to Epstein’s victims to protect one person: Donald Trump. It’s sick. We will enforce the law.

Headin' into Los An-gel-eez Bringin' in a coupla keys (of catnip)

They ignored a lawful subpoena, recycled public records, and conveniently left out Donald Trump. This is not transparency.

Did Trump’s DOJ really think dropping hundreds of blacked-out pages counted as complying with the law? I know it’s a bunch of unqualified folks with no backbone over there, but this is next-level.

Even as other legacy media outlets are coming around to the fact that the DOJ Epstein File release was a sham, the Washington Post continues to parrot the administration's talking points.

It's the most heater-ful time of the year (there is a cat on the black chair, BTW).

Guys we've got another Trump Says story! What about the FBI? I'm sure they did their best.

This week, a judge halted Trump’s illegal attempt to block unannounced congressional visits to ICE detention centers. Today, my staff was able to speak directly with our constituent Yari about her case. Real-time oversight is essential.

We must warn you, this game of Deluxe Pedophile Guess Who? could take up to 18 hours to play. If you want to short-circuit it and go for the kill, ask a very specific question like "Is my guy currently President of the United States?" or "Has my guy been an over-interviewed economist from Harvard?"

Can I get an "E"? says a contestant in the new game SuperWheel of MegaFortune.

Just a note that I did this for a living for 20 years and I would have probably been fired and then sued and perhaps criminally prosecuted for such shoddy work. If all they're protecting is victim/family names I don't know of too many pages that are solid names.

The three documents after that sequentially are a straight run of 255 pages of fully blacked out pages – except for a tiny margin at the bottom of each page. 255 full pages like this.

Today marks the 30th anniversary of my presenting my Master's thesis "What In The Hell Is Going On With Popeye?" I forget which department it was in.

BREAKING NEWS: THE POST CAN'T BRING ITSELF TO SAY THE DOJ BROKE THE LAW CONCERNING FULL RELEASE TODAY SO IT KEEPS SAYING TROVE OVER AND OVER AGAIN AS IF THAT MEANS FUCK-ALL

Project Must Know What Everybody Is Thinking In a Nation of 350 Million People is off to a rousing start, making the timeline look like a Bosch painting.

Justice delayed is justice denied. Congress passed legislation to release the Epstein files, but now Trump’s DOJ is pulling this stunt. Survivors deserve the truth, not cherry picked documents providing protection for powerful men with money and connections.

Beginning to wonder if all of the 70s sitcoms were poached from Blighty (the blond is named Chrissy, the landlords are the Ropers, the wacky neighbor is even called Larry)

I like reading the Washington Post, it's like reading speculative fiction, although you CAN veer too far from reality.

A billion executive orders and none of them ban BlueSky shit like "the #1 song on your 11th birthday is an indication of your bowel health."