I'm heading to the Fringe! My debut stand-up comedy show 'Utter Bloke Nonsense' is off to Edinburgh this summer 👌 No politics, current affairs or frankly anything important or meaningul whatsoever Just an hour of immature and inappropriate nonsense See you there 🍻

I'm heading to the Fringe! My debut stand-up comedy show 'Utter Bloke Nonsense' is off to Edinburgh this summer 👌 No politics, current affairs or frankly anything important or meaningul whatsoever Just an hour of immature and inappropriate nonsense See you there 🍻

Dad and I recreated that video from the wrestling 24 years later Enjoy...

I reckon the conclave chose the new Pope after five minutes and now they're just in there hanging out with the fellas drinking and partying and doing all the fun stuff they can't do normally "Send the black smoke up lads, Steve has just made frozen margaritas"

🚨 Playing the brand new track from PULP(!) on Radio X after midday 🚨

Happy Masters Day to all that celebrate ❤️⛳️

I'm not usually one to compliment Trump but if he IS working for Putin... you've got to say he's fucking nailing it to be fair 👌

Just need a 'T' then I'll be able to spell "frost" 🤞

Nothing bleaker than when you go for a poo in one of those toilets with sensor lighting and suddenly it goes pitch black so you have to start waving your arms around with your trousers round your ankles

Happy International Women's Day! Here's a photo of me and my wife to celebrate x

All these celebrities are releasing their own alcohol brands nowadays. The Rock with his tequila, Ryan Reynolds with his gin... I'll tell you now if Kinga from Big Brother brings out a wine I'm not drinking it

Can't believe a generation of Americans raised on Rocky IV, Rambo III and Air Force One have forgotten Russia are the bad guys. Ivan Drago killed Apollo Creed for crying out loud! Did he die for nothing?? 💔

Am I seeing things or is that Jack kid from The Traitors on the Luton Express advert??? He couldn't get off the train quick enough on the show, now he's bloody advertising me to get on one

"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it" 80 years since the liberation of Auschwitz. A long time ago in some ways but also terrifyingly recent. The most unimaginable event in recent history. RIP x

The "outies" in Severance don't take enough advantage of their "innies" I'd draw a cock and balls on my face 2 seconds before I get in the lift

Darwin Nunez. Misses a sitter, scores twice then should be sent off All in 25 minutes 😂 Never change ❤️

🚨NEW EPISODE OUT NOW🚨 "Nervous 190s" - The #WAshes are underway - Unofficial merch! 👕 - Finny's 1st ball in Test cricket 🏏 - Jimmy A just can't stop playing🏃‍♂️ - Spend Valentine's Day with the Love God himself! ❤️ podcast.sport-social.co.uk/podcast/zero...

Feel a bit irresponsible that on the football game I play on my phone I just offered "R Kelly" a new contract Sure he's got his issues but he's been great at the back for me this season

In a spirit of undignified begging, we are now undignifyedly begging.

Here is the Donald Trump x Biffy Clyro mash-up that literally nobody wanted or asked for... You're welcome.

I'd 1000% rather never win a trophy again than have that Elon helmet anywhere near the club. Can't imagine a team in the World he's less suited to either! Couldn't care less about having lots of money, this isn't Xbox. It's about loving your team whether that's Gillingham or Barcelona.

Part 2 of The Best of @MyTCpod with some fantastic guests from 2024, @georgemonbiot.bsky.social @jasonmanford.bsky.social @jonholmes.bsky.social @rosieisaholt.bsky.social @tobytarrant.bsky.social @stephenfry.bsky.social @dalisochaponda.bsky.social Listen here linktr.ee/mytcpod Happy New Year🍾

Here’s your ultimate retort @tobytarrant.bsky.social

I've only had 1 win from 6 in Christmas crackers this season Final chance today to salvage some pride, gonna sit next to my nine year old nephew at lunch He's got a terrible record and his heart isn't in it No excuses, need a big performance

Calling cricket people. I try not to beg shamelessly as a general rule but this time is different because: A) I have shingles and feel sorry for myself B) I’ve only ever once won an award: Worst Dressed Man at Moneyextra Ltd. 2001 C) No Balls always (quite correctly) wins and so they won’t be fussed

On the 5th day of Christmas my true love gave to me FIVE GOLD RINGS Five is mental. That is far too many. Who does my true love think I am? Mr. T?!

It's not Christmas without a family argument...

It's that time of the year again! Where we are nominated for 'Best Cricket Podcast' and ask for for your votes but you don't listen and then we lose to 'No Balls' (Partly because they're better and have more listeners) Ignore the chance to vote here 🔽 www.sportspodcastgroup.com/sports_categ...

I wasn't feeling that Christmassy but this has rekindled that magic Special time of year ❤️

Eventful game for 'Crystal Phallus' tonight - we drew 2-2 conceding a last minute penalty It was given away by Doug who had a rollercoaster of a game As the game started a team mate pointed out he had no shorts on, sure enough he'd accidentally taken them off with his tracksuit

Gregg Wallace releases video explaining his antics on Masterchef:

🚨NEW EPISODE OUT NOW🚨 "The Monster Under The Bed" - Sir Alastair Cook talks #NZvENG, Christmas and Finny's missing headphones - Jasprit Bumrah ❤️ -IPL auction chat @tobytarrant.bsky.social @finnysteve.bsky.social @norcrosscricket.bsky.social podcast.sport-social.co.uk/podcast/zero...

Hungover show is going well...

TV Idea: Don't Tell The Corpse Similar to Don't Tell the Bride but you organise someone's funeral and their loved ones only find out what you've organised on the day

There's a special place in Hell reserved for photographers who go to funerals to get photos of mourning celebrities

Big fan of Warren Gatland realising that he's using the word "time" too much but it's too late:

Just seen some 14 year olds smoking cigarettes instead of vapes Won't lie to you I got a bit misty-eyed Who's chopping onions? Nature is healing ❤️❤️

Bit late to the Harry Hill party but it's taken a few days and the help of my producer to find this clip:

After seeing Genoa release photos of The Undertaker in their new kit, I want 90s wrestlers modelling all football kits from now on If Papa Shango doesn't reveal the new Tranmere Rovers 3rd kit then what are we even doing here?

Oh sure, peeing in the shower is fine but you take ONE poo in the shower and suddenly you're the bad guy And you're "banned from the leisure centre" and you've "ruined that kids birthday" and your wife wants to "see someone else" Double standards.

Been on BlueSky for 5 minutes and nobody has called me a twat yet. Can you rectify that please so I feel at home? Thanks in advance