We all know what toxic masculinity is. But what is healthy masculinity? Here's my attempt to define it in a non-weird way, wher eit's not all "be strong!" or "lead!" baremarriage.com/2025/09/what...

Thank you @sheilagregoire.bsky.social!

Marriages that harm us are not God’s will. Marriages that hurt our children are not God’s will. And marriages where staying together enables someone else to be selfish and cruel—not God’s will. We make a mockery of God, and of marriage, when we treat it like it is!

These influencers are the byproduct/ Frankensteins of biblical womanhood/ purity culture books in 70s-80s/ Dobson etc & reap the financial rewards at the expense of innocent children. @sheilagregoire.bsky.social open.substack.com/pub/baremarr...

In Doug Wilson's Omnibus III curriculum, meant for 14-year-olds, he assigns Mein Kampf (by Hitler!).

My daughter Rebecca's asking a question today: Why do things stay toxic in the church? Because too few of us are willing to speak up and, in the words of the Matilda musical, be a little bit naughty. It's my Substack today! open.substack.com/pub/baremarr...

Just listened to @sheilagregoire.bsky.social on @sonsofpatriarchy.bsky.social and it was phenomenal! All well said and I look forward to hearing more in the future. Some of those stats were really eye opening. Guess it’s time to buy some more books. I’m going to need a proper library soon.

Healthy marriages aren’t based in competition, they are based in working as equals on the same team. A marriage where you have to fight for a voice isn’t a Christian one—it’s a dysfunctional one.

Yes, the Madison Prewett "it will be hilarious to spank our daughter" controversy matters, because it shows 4 concerning trends in evangelical influencer culture. We're making headway against toxic books, but now influencers are just parrotting their messages! baremarriage.com/2025/08/madi...

"Marriage is hard." That's taught constantly in evangelical circles! We need to change that narrative. LIFE is hard. And marriage adds complexities. But marriage should make burdens lighter--not be the cause of those burdens. 1/2

Christian marriage authors often ignore the BIGGEST marriage problems. When it comes to sex, evangelical books overwhelmingly emphasize frequency, telling women to give husbands more sex. You know what they DON’T talk about? The 47 point orgasm gap, and the 2x rate of sexual pain disorders. 1/7

I mean, you don't have to consent to lots of things! But we really need to change the narrative. Sex should be mutual, intimate, and pleasurable for both. If sex is only for him--YOU are the one being deprived. It's okay to say, "I won't be treated like a sex toy anymore."

Don’t use prayer as an excuse not to draw boundaries!

A woman writes: “Years ago, I read “Every Man’s Battle” as a young married woman ( after some issues in my marriage) to hopefully help me better understand my husband. Well, it caused me more issues! I hated men! It made me believe all men were just pigs and had absolutely no respect for women. 1/5

At first glance this logic makes no sense. How can women be these sexually ravenous temptresses, and at the same time be asexual in marriage? But there is a commonality, and when you see it, you can’t unsee it: women are at fault for everything, and women exist to serve men. 1/6

I remember a social media post I made, about a decade ago, talking about how important the marriage vows are, because they keep the marriage together through the difficult times so that you're able to weather them to get to the happy times again. I said it very eloquently, but I regret it now. 1/3

Ever noticed this? We’re told simultaneously that the purpose for marriage is holiness, not happiness, but we’re ALSO told that we need to keep our husband happy. Just an interesting dichotomy, and thank you to commenter LH on Facebook today for pointing this out!

Trying to explain to someone who’s knee-deep in complementarianism that it actually is very possible to function in marriage without him being a tie-breaker is like trying to explain the green to someone who is colour-blind. They just can’t see it. And it’s so sad. May Jesus take the blinders off.

If a woman is "choosing" to have sex, but also doesn't want to climax, then she's likely having sex she doesn't really want to have. Listen in to episode 284 of the Bare Marriage podcast for more on the issues with the book His Needs, Her Needs! The podcast dropped today!

Lying for Jesus isn’t cool. And just because you think a fake stat “tells a true story” doesn’t mean you get to spread that fake stat. Instead, it’s worth asking, “if the research doesn’t support what I’m saying, then could it be that I’m actually wrong?”

Biblical counseling doesn’t just mean counseling done by Christians. Instead, it’s a specific school, or type, of counseling which frames problems through a faith/sin lens. So when you’re at your lowest and most desperate, you’re told that you’re failing God.

It’s time for something healthy and evidence-based! Plus it’s time for women’s perspective on marriage to matter too. Check out The Marriage You Want!

Woo hoo! And we made the Evangelical Christian Publishers' Association bestselling list too! Thank you everyone! And if you haven't read it yet--pick it up. It's the book that can change how evangelicals talk about marriage! Now there's finally a healthy alternative.

Debi Pearl thinks the pinnacle for women is staying in a marriage they hate. Encouraging women to look away when so-called Christian husbands ignore their vows has nothing to do with Jesus. We can do better. Check out HEALTHY marriage books like The Marriage You Want instead!

If anyone ever tells you we're not "biblical" in our approach, think about this paragraph that we wrote for The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex: "If your wife experiences sexual pain after childbirth, treat this as an issue that you will get through together, rather than as a disappointment... 1/4

It takes those with courage to stand up to give us the courage to stand up too. And sometimes, watching those we admire go through pain, and still cling to Jesus, is what we need to keep clinging. That's how I feel about Aimee Byrd, and her new book Saving Face: baremarriage.com/2025/04/savi...

Some of the WORST quotes from the book The Love Dare that we touched on in our podcast today (Bare Marriage episode 280!) Church: We can do better than this. Let's stop publishing, reading, and recommending marriage books that say such drivel.

"Your husband may be late coming home. again. But God wil always be right on time." "Sex is not something God allows us to withhold without consequence." Just a few of the atrocious quotes from the book THE LOVE DARE that we dissect on today's podcast! baremarriage.com/2025/04/podc...

Thank you! (And, yes, men need emotional maturity--and men are more than capable of it! And so are women!)

Remember the movie Fireproof, based on the book The Love Dare? The Love Dare has been the best-selling marriage gift book ever. And it has problems. Serious ones! Our deep dive here: baremarriage.com/2025/04/prob...

The book series Every Man’s Battle sold 4 million copies, and revolved around the problems with male lust and porn use. And yet did it EVER show any compassion for the women who were used in porn? No. Instead, the “victim” of porn was the man’s purity.

The post that started it all! Here's the first post that we called out another book by name (Love & Respect). The reaction to the posts that week inspired our research project which became The Great Sex Rescue. And the rest is history! baremarriage.com/2019/01/love...

A reader writes: “I am in the middle of a divorce. I honestly believe that if it weren’t for the very harmful teachings that kept me a silent prisoner for 2 decades and kept my husband from realizing how abusive this marriage has been, AND if the church had stood with me... 1/2

Saw a reel on Matt Chandler's channel today with a woman saying how encouraging it was when pastors encourage women and give them "permission" to lead. Just want to say--women, you don't need a man's permission to do what God has called you to do.

When Al Mohler, president of a Southern Baptist seminary, claims that women prioritizing their own happiness over marriage is bad, he's sacrificing women's safety for men's comfort. And so often, our evangelical advice around marriage and sex does just that. baremarriage.com/2025/04/mens...

Are evangelical women refusing to marry evangelical men? Al Mohler says so, and claims it's a "crisis", a "five alarm fire", "time to hit the panic button." But he ignores the REASON women are often happier single. It's all in this week's Bare Marriage podcast! baremarriage.com/2025/04/podc...

From my husband Keith, who often says it best! Making men the default authority doesn't make a healthy marriage. It reminds me how, in Love & Respect, Eggerichs labels everything he doesn’t like “disrespect.” If his wife brings up an issue he doesn't like, he can just refuse to listen. 1/2

DATA is FUN! Everything we do at Bare Marriage is based on data, not our own personal opinions. If you’ve followed me for a while, but you’ve never bought any of our books, can I ask you to change that? Our books make the point so much better than social media posts ever can.

Let me explain a dynamic we discovered in our data that we dubbed “The Unfairness Threshold.” Unfairness often doesn’t really register in the first few years of marriage. But by year 10, you feel the strain. By year 15, you’re upset. And by year 20, you’ve had it. 1/8

Pssstttt...My new book The Marriage You Want will show you how to get the healthy, happy marriage you want! But you may not get it, for one very important reason--we show you that the marriage you want depends on BOTH of you. And I'd like to explain why this matters. 1/9

A Bible college in Manitoba in the 1930s was more open to women teaching than SBC seminaries and colleges today. But as @bethallisonbarr.bsky.social shows in Becoming the Pastor's Wife, the evangelical church CHOSE patriarchy. It's time for us to unchoose it. open.substack.com/pub/baremarr...

This podcast has it all--terrible clips from Josh Howerton, Josh McPherson, and Emerson Eggerichs; terrible takes from Matt Walsh; but also REDEEMING takes from John Gottman, and practical advice on how to build emotional connection! Emotions aren't feminine! baremarriage.com/2025/04/podc...

You shouldn't prioritize sex in your marriage. That's how we opened chapter 4 in The Marriage You Want, and today I want to explain what I mean! baremarriage.com/2025/04/shou...

Marriage isn't about who's "in charge". It's about teamwork. @sheilagregoire.bsky.social reveals surprising research on what really makes marriages thrive. Listen now: episodes.fm/1566243892?v...

I'm constantly hearing advice that goes, "Moms, the marriage comes first. Your husband deserves your best energy and time. He'll still be here when the kids are gone, so don't spend so much on the kids you have nothing left for him." And I wonder: 1/3

If people are going to make the argument "the plain reading of Scripture" says that women can't be in ministry, and that "the church has always understood this", then we shouldn't see women serving in all different areas of minstry throughout history. But we do. baremarriage.com/2025/03/our-...

One of the things that is increasingly bothering me is that publishers will say that an author has "marriage counseling expertise" or "parenting expertise" or "mental health expertise", when the person is not a licensed counselor and has no relevant education. 1/3

"You call out men for watching porn, but why don't you ever call out women for reading romance novels? Because books are just porn for women!" Is this comparison fair? Listen to our (very nuanced!) discussion! baremarriage.com/2025/03/podc...

This time TOMORROW we'll be starting our FREE webinar with @bethallisonbarr.bsky.social and @karenswallowprior.bsky.social! It's time to Go...Be Free! And find our voices. Registration is free (but you do need to register!) baremarriage.com/webinar-sign...

Canadians: Remember this for our election too. What happens when one of our candidates won't get security clearance? And is it because he can't?